Here We Go Again!

This time of year is VERY difficult for the doggie of a Bills Fan!  Why? Because it's barely noon and the people are all ready uptight.  "Not now Anya"; "Mama's busy right now Anya"; Geez. like it's my fault the Bills are in the midst of the annual meltdown! I'm doing my part. I've got the stupid jersey on, which, by the way, is uncomfortable. Pretty soon we'll have a house full of people, shouting and jumping around. *Note to self: Watch your tail*. They always start out happy but then....well, if you're a football fan you know.  Most people like Dolphins. They're very smart. Around here, people want to squish them. Yikes! I don't know what that's all about. Anyway, another football Sunday, another afternoon of cursing and pouting. I just don't get it. If you want to sit around a TV and get angry, why not just watch Fox News or C-Span?  Same affect.
Anya

TGIF

Hello my dear friends. Thank God it's Friday. It's been a long week and I always looks forward to our Friday Kitty Hour. It's makes us happy!  A little cat grass. A little catnip. Maybe a rousing game of "bag".

Who doesn't love Bag? The goal is simple. Trap the dumb one in the bag and make them beg for their freedom.

Oh Yeah! I win again. That goofy Sway falls for my spin move every time! Anyway, It's time for a little more catnip and, perhaps, a pre-bedtime nap! Oh yes, and this...

Total mind freak, right!

Po

Who Knew?

Hello my dear friends. I was sent a very amusing e-mail today. Forgive me if you've seen it.

STUFF YOU DIDN'T KNOW YOU DIDN'T KNOW

Every day more money is printed for Monopoly than the U.S.  Treasury. 

Men can read smaller print than women can; women can hear better. 

Coca-Cola was originally green.

It is impossible to lick your elbow. 

The State with the highest percentage of people who walk to work:  Alaska

The percentage of Africa that is wilderness: 28%
(now get this...)

The percentage of  North America that is wilderness: 38% 

The cost of raising  a medium-size dog to the age of eleven:  $ 16,400

The average number of people airborne over the U.S. in any given
hour:  61,000

Intelligent people have more zinc and copper in their hair..

The first novel ever written on a typewriter, Tom Sawyer.

The San Francisco Cable cars are the only mobile National Monuments.

Each king in a deck of playing cards represents a great king from history:
Spades - King David; Hearts – Charlemagne; Clubs -Alexander, the Great 
Diamonds - Julius Caesar

111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987, 654,321

If a statue in the park of a person on a horse has both front legs in the air, the person died in battle.
If the horse has one front leg in the air, the person died because of wounds received in battle.
If the horse has all four legs on the ground, the person died of natural causes 

Only two people signed the Declaration of Independence e on July 4, John Hancock and Charles Thomson. Most of the rest signed on August 2, but the last signature wasn't added until 5 years later.

Half of all Americans live within 50 miles of Their birthplace 

Most boat owners name their boats. What is the most popular boat name
requested?  Obsession

Q.. If you were to spell out numbers, how far would you have to go until you
would find the letter 'A'?  A. One thousand 

Po

Recession. What recession?

Hello my dear friends.  I just read the most fascinating article. It said that Americans are expected to spend 50 billion dollars this year on their pets. That's billion with a "B". My first thought, of course, is what the hell are you people spending all that money on? Why am I, and my fellow captors, not reaping any of the benefits of this wild spending spree?

Yes, it is true that I am an insulin diabetic, requiring two shots daily. I do understand that medication, supplies and doctors visits can be a little expensive. Okay, so I can't eat food with filler because of my condition but $50 billion.  Seriously? This can't possibly be true. That's over $4 billion a month!

A story like that leads the reader to believe that people are out spending money willy-nilly on all sorts of ridiculous and unnecessary things. Like people just run around throwing money at every little thing they see.

If that were true, this prison would be filled with fun, warm and cool places to play.  Believe me, it isn't! 

Okay, yes, I have a throne. I deserve one. I'm a Princess! That is not extravagant. That's a necessity. And it surely didn't cost that much. Anyway, I stand by my initial reaction. I believe the article took liberties with the amount. $50 billion dollars a year! That's impossible.

What could you possibly spend that much money on?

Po

Rare signs of Intelligence

Hello my dear friends! Today was a rare day for me. Today I overheard my captor actually say something interesting! Usually all I hear is blah, blah, blah. If you know the captors, you know what I'm saying. Anyway, the loud captor was commenting on how the English language has so gone to hell that no one even seems to care anymore. Bad grammar has become the norm. I couldn't care less about the average person (note I said I couldn't care less. How many people say I could care less. I believe that is the opposite of what you mean). As a purebred, I am amazed at how often people who are paid to speak don't actually know what they're saying. I heard a woman on the news say that "police confirmed that the victim 'drowned to death' ".  If I weren't a kitty, I would have called to tell her that the victim may have "drown". I don't believe "drowned" is a word and, since drown means to die by suffocation in liquid, the whole "to death" thing is a bit redundant. There is no War on Terror. Terror is an emotion. We can not fight a war on terror anymore than we can fight a war on anxiety. The War is on Terrorism! We don't move "towards" anything.  The word is toward. Trust me. Nothing happens "afterwards". It's afterward. Seriously, it is. I know that many on-line dictionaries list these "variations" as actual words but that doesn't make it so. Irregardless is not a word.  The word is regardless or irrespective (if you're trying to impress someone). I "imply"; you "infer". You can not dress warm or drive safe. You can dress warmly. You can drive safely. You're not real cold; you're really cold. Hopefully, this will work. No! I hope this will work. I'm on a roll now! "Literally" means exactly what you say. If someone tells you they are literally freezing to death, they probably are not. "Unique" means one of a kind. Saying something is very unique means that you don't know what "unique means. Vigilant means "to be on watch". You can't be "more vigilant anymore than you can be "more full". Wow! I'm feeling better already! "Save up to 50% and more!" You can't save "up to" 50% and more. You can save up to 50% or more. You can't try and save money. You can try to save money. I'm bringing it home, (paws don't fail me now). Irony is an outcome contrary to expectation, opposite the literal meaning. Rain on your wedding day is unfortunate, it's not ironic. The inventor of the Vespa riding off a cliff is sad, maybe funny, but not ironic. "soft as concrete" or "dry as the ocean" are examples of irony. "A free ride when you've already paid" is an example of a song writer who doesn't know what irony is.
Po

Ho Ho Hold on there buddy!

Hello my dear friends. If you are planning to travel over Christmas you may want to hold off on wrapping any gifts you're bringing.  The TSA says it can and will open any wrapped gifts you try to carry on the plane. He was, of course arrested. It all stems from a Goober at LAX in California who had the brilliant idea to gift wrap his reefer and carry it on the plane. TSA officials say people try to "smuggle" illegal items on to the plane, like weapons, by gift wrapping them. So, they say, be prepared.  If they feel your wrapped package looks suspicious, they'll unwrap it. Now, I don't know about you, but I frequently give weapons as Christmas gifts! Grandma is still raving about last year's brass knuckles. And, what says Peace on Earth better than a switchblade? If I wake up on Christmas morning and don't find at least one explosive in my stocking I feel cheated.  Don't you? Since traveling on the Holidays is always an easy, breezy, stress-free time, this tiny inconvenience may create a delay or two. This can all be avoided, of course, if you pack your presents and check them with your luggage. Just don't go over that 50 pound luggage limit.  That'll cost you.  You can pack them in a second bag but that'll cost you even more. Quite a dilemma.  You could ship your Christmas presents ahead but, that too rules out weapons. Sorry Grandpa, no Glock this year. Can't send weapons through the mail. So, what is a kitty to do? Here are a few suggestions to make Holiday travel a little easier for everyone. First, don't be a moron. It's not just the airlines that make air travel such a pain.  It's you "Mr. & Mrs. 4 giant carry-on bags 'cause I don't want to pay $30". And you Mr. (or Mrs.) "I can't be in the air for an hour without devouring a Big Mac or onion sandwich". And you Mr. (or Mrs.) "how far can I push this seat back before I'm actually sitting with the person behind me". Sorry to drone on, you get my point. People suck! I was once on a flight where this genius decided to polish her nails! On an airplane! Uhm, you know that smells, right? Second, don't try to "sneak things" on the plane. You know what you can and can't carry on a plane. Don't hold the rest of us up because you think you just can't live without your metal nail file. Trust me, you can. Finally, if the security agent asks you to do something, just do it. Open it, take it off, lift it up, step aside, leave it behind, whatever. Don't argue. You're not going to win. You're just going to prolong the process. It may seem unreasonable. It may be unreasonable but hey, keep your eye on the goal. There's no place like home for the Holidays! Let's all just get there safely.
Po

Smelly Dog Update

Hello my dear friends! In case you haven't heard, our big, dumb dog (Hundred Pounds of Stupid) got herself Skunked! She's such a GOOBER! 8 years old and she can't tell the difference between a kitty and a skunk!

I did think it was a kitty. I thought it was a kitty who wanted to play with me! Turns out it wasn't a kitty and it really did not want to play! Who knew? Boy, did I stink! *Note to self: Strange black and white kitties in the backyard should be avoided!*  I had to have 3 baths. 3! First the people tried just washing me off. Waste of time and water. Then they tried vinegar and water.  That did not work. Finally, after a quick internet search it was back in the tub with a mixture of baking soda, peroxide and soap.  That did the trick! Unfortunately, I now have a whole new set of nicknames from the kitties. "Skunkerdoodle", "Stinkbomb" and "Dumbass" to name a few.  Oh well, live and learn I guess! Also, I've learned that, after being skunked, it's a really bad idea to jump on the people's couch and bed! That really seems to tick them off. I had to remind them that I was the victim here. They seemed to lose sight of that. Anyway, all is well this morning. I'm back to smelling like a big dog again. Life is good! Go Bills!
Anya