Oh What a Night!

Hello my dear friends! We have just endured 24 hours of sheer drama! The captor they call Mike (we call Grumpy) was hospitalized after suffering chest pain but, enough about her. We were stuck being cared for the other captor, the captor they call Kathy (we call Goober) and my personal nurse Sally (we call "Aunt Hand"). What a nightmare for me! Okay, okay, the captor called Mike was kept overnight for observation and then given several tests. Her heart is fine. Her mind is a little twisted but apparently they ran no tests on that! Go figure. She is home now and feeling fine. Now, back to me! The Goober captor had to stick me (in the ear to test my blood glucose level) TWICE! Like it doesn't hurt enough once! Then she didn't portion out the food properly and our plates were in the wrong places. What a train wreck. She let the big dumb dog in before we finished eating so we had to rush through our meal (or it becomes a snack for the dog). We were so relieved when Grumpy got home, ending the chaos. I have to tell you, I don't know how Goober makes it through the day. She's so dumb. I swear, if it weren't for Grumpy the girls and I would be screwed! Screwed I tell you! Anyway, all is well now. Grumpy will follow up with her personal physician and resume her duties caring for us. Here's to tomorrow being a much better day!
Po

A Successful trip to Grandma's

Hi everyone. It's me, Anya! We had great fun at Grandma's house this weekend. There was snow! I love Snow! Here's a little video of me, loving snow!

Anyway. When we got home there was no snow here. Then I woke up and WOW! Snow. Isn't life grand. I also got to sleep on Grandma's couch and I had pancakes. That's right. Pancakes! Take that people.
Anya

To Grandmother's House we go!

Hello everyone! It's me, Anya. The kitties are all off in protest because we're off to Grandma's house. That means the visiting Po nurses will be here instead. That's right. We can't go anywhere unless the people have Kitty Sitters! I know it sounds silly but Princess Po needs her insulin twice a day so someone has to be here. Also, I believe that kitties, in general, are nuts and should not be left unsupervised! Anyway, I love to go to Grandma's house because I am the one and only Granddog! It's really my time to shine. As you can see, life at Grandma's is far superior to life at my house! Here's life at my house

And here's life at Grandma's!

Also, at Grandma's house I get to eat whatever I want to! My people always say "no, don't give her that" but Grandma doesn't have to listen because she's Grandma! Isn't that a sweet deal! Anyway, we'll be back here tomorrow. A big shout out to Maryanne (the night nurse) and Sally (the day nurse). I guess it really does take a village!

Anya

Aliens Among Us!

Hello my dear friends. I'm taking refuge from a possible alien abduction. You just never know when or where it can happen! By alien, I mean extraterrestrial not undocumented. It seems "actress" Fran Drescher claims she was abducted by aliens when she was in junior high school! There's the missing piece to that puzzle. I'm guessing her alien implant was placed in her sinus cavity. Drescher (in an apparent attempt to remain relevant) not only says she was abducted, she says her ex-husband was too (before they met). She can now join the likes of musician Sammy Hagar and former President Jimmy Carter. How's that for a dinner party? Whatever. I have no doubt there is life out there somewhere but this got me to thinking. If there are aliens out there, flying around and plucking up unsuspecting earthlings, what must they think of us? I mean, really. Think about the people you've seen who have claimed to be abducted, probed and released. Not exactly the cream of the earthly crop, if you know what I mean. Why are they always landing in swamps, corn fields and dirt roads? If they're smart enough to get here you would think they could read a map. The fact that they've been probing Bubba, Billy Bob and Fran has to lead them to believe they could take us with very little effort, so what are they waiting for? Or, is it possible that they are plucking up these people for their own entertainment? "Hey Xenoid, grab that one and put him in the maze"! "Jam that pen up his nose (or whatever) so he'll have something to tell his friends". They might be laughing their antennae off! If this is they case, I have a few suggestions for our extraterrestrial friends.
#1  Gary Bussey
#2  Kanye West
#3  Ron Paul
#4  Harold Camping (the end of the world guy)
#5  The entire cast of The Jersey Shore
Hours of entertainment. Just hours and hours...Just one thing aliens. You really need to keep what you take. No more returns! Thank you.
Po

My Million Dollar Idea

Hello people. Yes, the sun does rise in my eyes. Let's move on! I, Consequella Coonatailia Beeochalotta, have come up with an idea that will change the world, for the better, and make life so much easier. I call it  the   "Goober Death Ray". A laser capable of immediately removing goobers, morons and idiots from this earthly plain! I know, right! If someone would please build this for me, I promise to keep it set on stun until someone actually stuns me with their stupidity. Case in point, the guy in Spafford who built a bomb to take out a beaver dam on his property but blew off his hand instead? (Am I the only one who pictured a gofer on a golf course dancing to Kenny Loggins' 'I'm Alright' when they heard that story?) Shockingly, police responding to that call found pot growing at his house. ZAP! A 24 year old Fulton man, in custody on a misdemeanor assault charge smashed a window with his head in the interview room (that's a felony). ZAP! A Massachusetts woman was arrested after she was seen purchasing $64 dollars worth of soda, with an electronic welfare benefits card (which she stole) and then feeding the soda cans into the can return machine (without emptying them) to get the cash. Sticky situation. ZAP! By the way, if her scheme had succeeded, she would have netted $10.18! She could have sold the 12 packs for a dollar a piece and made $18 but then she may not have gotten zapped (just arrested). Let's not forget the Wisconsin man who legally changed his name to Bezow Doo-Doo Zopittybop-Bop-Bop.  All I need to figure out now is where to "zap" them to. Obviously Washington is overrun. Albany doesn't have too many vacancies either. I'm thinking of one of those flat states in the middle that no one really cares about. Or maybe Denmark! I read a study that said Denmark was the happiest place in the world. I wonder how long they'd hold that title if we zapped a few million goobers their way!
Sway

Exhaustion, Seriously?

Hello my dear friends. Well, actress Demi Moore has been hospitalized for exhaustion. Yes, that celebrity catchall ailment that usually takes 6 to 8 weeks in rehab to recover from. That's one heck of a nap!
Wyclef Jean, Colin Farrell, Dave Chappelle, Tracy Morgan, Mariah Carey, Lindsey Lohan (she's been exhausted 5 times now), Selena Gomez, Ashlee Simpson, Susan Boyle, Amy Winehouse (exhaustion killed her),and  Heather Locklear are just a few celebrities recently treated for "exhaustion". Demi Moore, you may remember, had a little problem with exhaustion back in the 80's when she was running with the Brat Pack. Looking back on this link makes me believe that watching your career dry up must be exhausting! This is nothing new. Elizabeth Taylor, Liza Minelli and Michael Jackson were chronic exhaustion sufferers. Come on Hollywood! We know what you're up to. You're not fooling anyone. You may have heard that drugs kill. Along with Michael Jackson, Amy Winehouse, Heath Ledger and Anna Nicole Smith come to mind. Admit you have a problem, deal with it and move on. It's not like drug use is going to hurt your career. Charlie Sheen, Snoop Dog, Willie Nelson, Robert Downey Jr., Paul Reubens, Oliver Stone, Dionne Warwick, Whitney Houston, even Dawn Wells (Mary Ann from Gilligan's Island) have been busted, many repeatedly, for drugs and survived. Even prospered. So, step up Demi and tell the truth! You're an addict and, perhaps, being a Cougar isn't all it's cracked up to be. Take the standard 6 to 8 week nap and then call Dr. Drew. Maybe he can help revive your career.
Po

Football is a game, right?

Hello people. Yes, my beauty is only exceeded by my humility. Let's move on. So the New York Giants and the NE Pats (Massholes) are going to the Superbowl. Whatever. The Giants beat the SF 49ers with the help of two miscues by the 49ers 23 year old wide receiver Kyle Williams. The big oopsy came in overtime when young Kyle fumbled a punt that was recovered by the Giants and led to the game winning field goal, sending the Giants to the Superbowl and the 49ers to the golf course. It is very upsetting for fans, who are so invested in their team, to watch their season end on such a sour note. Ask any Bills fan about Superbowl XXV. I point all of this out because we live in a different world today. After "the kick felt round western NY" or the "wide right game" when then Buffalo Bill Scotty Norwood missed a 47 yard field goal with :08 left and the Bills lost to the Giants 20-19, my captor and some friends went to a "we still love you Scotty" rally. Thousands of people were there. It wasn't Norwood's fault that the game came down to a long field goal attempt. Unlike forgiving Bills' fans, here are two examples of what was tweeted after the 49er's loss:

"I hope you, youre wife, kids and family die, you deserve it," 

"Jim Harbaugh, please give @KyleWilliams_10 the game ball. And make sure it explodes when he gets in his car." 
Those are actual tweets about a 23 year old guy who dropped a football! Yikes! Imagine how they would have reacted if the outcome of that game actually had any effect, whatsoever, on them personally. I have two points here people. #1 When all is said and done, football is just a game. #2 People in San Francisco are nuts!

Sway