Resolutions for the New Year

Hello My Dear Friends! The New Year is upon us and, as tradition dictates, we sit down and make a list of things we hope to do better in the coming year. Many believe this custom traces back to the ancient Babylonians who made promises to their Gods at the beginning of each year that they would return borrowed objects and pay their debts. Others believe it stems from the Romans who, at the beginning of each year would make promises to the God Janus, for whom the month of January was named. I believe it is an extension of people's innate need to set themselves up for failure. Regardless of why we do it, it is a tradition that I will keep. So, after sitting down with the captor and discussing all of her shortcomings, I have compiled the following list of resolutions for the coming year that I think I can live with.
1.  I will be more accepting and understanding of people. Except stupid people. I simply can not tolerate stupid people, regardless of the year.
2.  I will be less critical of the people around me. Except politicians and anyone else who makes decisions that affect my life.
3.  I will work hard to improve my "that's really interesting" face so as not to reveal to the people around me that I really don't care what they're saying.
4.  I will try to accept and understand other people's point of view. Unless they're just plain wrong. Then all bets are off.
5.  I will try to put others needs and wants ahead of my own. Unless I really need or want something. Then it's back to me first and everyone else take a number.
There! It's settled. I have laid out a path to be a better me in 2014. Now, as for YOU. I have taken the time, as resolved in pledge #5, to put your needs ahead of mine. So here is what you need to do in 2014!
1.  Stop being goobers! This world has more than it's share of dumbasses. Remove yourself from the ranks and exercise a little common sense.
2.  Learn to drive people! I'm not kidding. Put down your damn cellphones and start abiding by the rules of the road. They put all of those pretty signs up for a reason!
3.  Ease up on the social media sharing. Stop posting pictures of yourself and your food. If that's the best you've got, maybe you should shut off the computer and get out a little more.
4.  Lighten Up! Accept the fact that not everyone is going to think, act, behave, love or live like you. Yes, stand up and rally against the haters, but know the difference between hate and ignorance. Punishing the ignorant is what turns them into haters.
5.  Thank every member of the military or veteran that you see. Not just on the days set aside for it, every day. You don't have to know them. If you pass them at the supermarket, in the mall or at the airport, just walk up and say "thank you for your service". It's the right thing to do. Remember, if it weren't for them, you wouldn't be reading this right now.
Have a happy, healthy and safe new year.
Po

Ho Ho Holy Cow!

Hello My Dear Friends! Christmastime, while it is wonderful, is exhausting! Parties, guests, family, travel, I don't know about you but I'm spent. Wouldn't it be great, if for the 6th year in a row, you could gather up your whole family and jet off to Hawaii for 17 glorious days! If you were President of the United States that's exactly what you'd be doing. Don't feel bad though. This year you can be a part of the Presidential Vacation! Yup. Just go to www.whitehouse.gov and you can follow the President's vacation on line. It's really wonderful! The website actually says "crank up your heaters, play some Hawaiian music and enjoy on line the 2013 Obama Hawaii Vacation". How luck we all are. Except for all of those people in the Northeast who don't actually have any heat, or power, to crank up. It's a terrific website that actually works; unlike Healthcare.gov. They got this one right. If you want a more interactive experience you can log on to "Armchair Hawaii" where, according to the website you can "learn more about the 2013 Obama Hawaii Vacation" and "read about President Obama's favorite restaurants in Hawaii. What fun! I'm sure the 47,727,000 Americans relying on food stamps this Christmas will be especially interested in that! The White House says they set up the website to "prove once and for all that this is the most open and participatory administration is history". LOL. You really can't make this stuff up. Mr. President, when the American people said they wanted "transparency" they meant in Government, not on vacation. I think you may have missed the mark here. It brings to mind your last attempt at "transparency" when, after banning the public for visiting "the people's house", you put up those lovely "strategically place live White House webcams" so we can see you hard at work. One of the cams, by the way, shows a still shot of the President exiting the Presidential Rest Room. Wow. You really are one of us. One final thought on the Vacation Extravaganza. The website share this interesting bit of inside information:
"Due to an unfortunate "chewing incident" last year involving First Dog Bo and the addition of a second family dog Sunny, the search for a suitable vacation rental home has become quite challenging. To combat this problem, President Obama issued an Executive Order in November declaring that any pet-related damage would be covered by the "full faith and credit guaranty" of the United States Government."
So we're not only paying for the vacation, were covering the cost of any damages his dogs cause! Now that is transparency! I would have never imagined that! Thanks for keeping us in the loop!
Po

Thoughts Over Catnip

Hello My Dear Friends! We've made it through another week and I, for one, am more than ready for the weekend. A 16 year old Texas boy, driving drunk, struck and killed 4 people and severely injured another. His attorney argued, and a "psychologist" agreed, that the teen was suffering from "Affluenza" and therefore not responsible for what happened. "Affluenza", according to attorney Scott Brown, prevented 16-year old Ethan Couch from "linking bad behavior with consequences because his parents taught him that wealth buys privilege". The defense cited an episode when Ethan was 15 to prove their point. At age 15 Ethan was caught in a parked pickup truck with a naked, passed out 14 year old girl. He was never punished. They also pointed out that Ethan was allowed to drink at a very young age and began driving when he was 13. Oh, well, okay. I get it now. Poor little rich kid. Apparently not wanting to prove his parents wrong, the Judge agreed with the "Affluenza Defense" and sentenced Ethan to probation. Yup! You can't make this stuff up. Young Mr. Couch didn't get off scot-free. The Judge ruled that Ethan needed long term treatment so  his father agreed to shell out $500,000 so he could go to a swanky rehab center in California. Couch's attorney says rehab will teach him that there are consequences to his actions. Case Closed! Justice served!  I can't wait for the "Poorffluenza" defense. I'll bet the outcome for that will be quite different. Enjoy the weekend!
Po

Did You Hear The One About...

Hello My Dear Friends! You'll have to excuse me for rolling on the floor but I just can't help myself! Did you hear the one about the delusional lunatic who stood right beside some of the most important and powerful dignitaries in the world and pretended to sign what they were saying? OMG! I'm sorry. I'm rolling again! Thamsanqa Jantjie stood beside President Obama and other world leaders on stage as they eulogized Nelson Mandela moving his hands as if to sign for the deaf. Turns out he was just flailing about, signing gibberish. LOL! That certainly gives "secret service" new meaning. It gets better. He wasn't actually "faking" sign language. Mr. Jantjie told a South African newspaper that he was in the midst of a schizophrenic episode at the time, hallucinating and hearing voices. Unfortunately, they weren't the same voices everyone else was hearing. They were ANGELS! I know, right. He also confessed that, in the past, he had been violent and was hospitalized in a mental health facility for over a year. That's some screening process they have there in Johannesburg! Everyone is passing the buck as to whom actually hired Mr. Jantjie. He was paid about $85 for the event. An investigation is underway. I'm sure Al Qaeda leaders are thrilled to hear that the United States trusts host nations with screening the President's security abroad. Perhaps Julia Pierson, Director of the United States Secret Service, should take a refresher course on her job duties. Allow me to offer a suggestion. Ms. Pierson, in the future, you may want to prevent violent schizophrenics from getting this close to the President of the United States.

That is assuming you'll still be holding that position in the future!
Po

You're Kidding, Right?

Hello My Dear Friends! It has been a long time. I apologize for my lengthy absence but I needed a little mental health time. Why? Because you people are making me nuts! Let's start with the Black Friday Brawls. I heard someone ask why most of these melees happen at Walmart. Seriously? Why do most earthquakes happen on fault lines? Secretary of Health and Human Services Kathleen Sebelius says Healthcare.Gov "is now working smoothly for the vast majority of users", as long as you don't try to log on during "peak hours" of operation. "Vast majority" is an interesting term since the site can only handle 50,000 users at a time (according to Sebelius) and there are millions of people still waiting to sign up. Who could have seen any of this coming? Oh, that's right, Me. Check out my September 30th blog if you don't believe me. Anyway, I digress. Sebelius says "dramatic improvements" have been made to the site. That's great news Ms. Sebelius! You've gone from zero to ten percent in only 4 years. Only 90% more to go! I hope you're just as successful in your next endeavor. Amazon is testing unmanned delivery drones that can deliver a package is less than 30 minutes. What could possibly go wrong with that? I can't think of one thing. I can think of a hundred things. What could Amazon possibly have that you need in 30 minutes or less? Can we ease off the throttle a little people?  Finally, I may have said this before but...The Buffalo Bills make me sad.
Po