Angry Cat Returns!

Hello People. Po is taking a break. I'm sure you remember me. My breathtaking beauty is hard to forget. Do you like my Halloween costume? I am the Light at the End of the Tunnel. Bite me Gumpy Cat! I am Angry Cat and I will whip your wimpy little butt! I have been following many of you on Farcebook with your 100 days of happiness, 100 days of thankfulness and 100 days of inspiration. Pardon me while I hack up a hairball. I am hereby launching my official 100 days of Pissed Off! Now, since I don't have 100 consecutive days to waste on you people, I'll be doing mine in blocks.
#1 Stupid people piss me off. Everyone is so worried about this Ebola thing. There is no cure for stupid and it's spread like wildfire! Don't kid yourself into thinking it's not contagious. It is. Just review the aforementioned Facebook and you'll see what I mean. Case on point: A Farcebook meme quoting Senator Bernie Sanders stated that the US had more low paying jobs than any other major country on earth. They, of course, blame Walmart. Sanders was quoting an idiotic report based on a "study" by an international economic group. That group (OECD) listed the US as #1 for low paying jobs, followed by Ireland, Canada and the United Kingdom. What the story doesn't say is why. One reason that comes to mind is that the population of Ireland is 4.6 million compared to 319 million in the United States. Canada has 35 million people and the UK has about 63 million. The median income in Ireland is $22,000, compared to $38,000 in the US. Apples to oranges people. Apples to oranges. My point is (yes, I have a point) that particular meme had about 2000 "shares" and even more "likes". There you have it. Stupid spreading right before your eyes. It only takes one moron to bring down the IQ of the masses.
#2 Turn the freakin heat up! I don't know, nor do I care who this Nation Greed is, I'm freezing my fur off! The money you save in heating costs you will be shelling out for bandages. Trust me!
#3 Strangers knocking on my door begging for candy. Buy your own damn candy! Do you know how much chocolate costs? Beside, Michelle Obama says you're all fat. You shouldn't be eating candy anyway. Now, be gone with you, and don't smash my pumpkins! People who smash my pumpkins really piss me off.
Sway

Say What, Now?

Hello My Dear Friends! After yesterday's spectacular Buffalo Bills win over the, shall we say, sad New York Jets, I was stunned to read about 8-year old Elijah Burrell. Elijah was playing in his first season of Peewee Football. His team, the Lawrenceville Black Knights, were winning 32-0 in the 4th quarter when Elijah intercepted a pass and ran it in for a touchdown! The first touchdown of his little life. It's one of the most exciting plays in football, the Pick-6, but there was no joy for Elijah or his team. Why? Because the touchdown put his team up 38-0, violating the league's 33 point "mercy rule". Not only was Elijah's touchdown eliminated, his team was fined $500 and his coach was suspended! Of all the stupid *$%^&# things I've ever heard, this is by far the most insane. Apparently in Georgia it's okay to beat a team 32-0 but 33-0 is a crime. It's not like the team scored on purpose. It wasn't a planned play. Apparently, little Elijah, in the heat of the moment, was expected to intercept the ball and kneel down so as not to embarrass the other team. How on earth is an 8-year old supposed to know that? Well, lesson learned. Wussification complete!
Former FLOTUS, Senator & Secretary of State Hillary Clinton was speaking to a group in support of Massachusetts Gubernatorial candidate Martha Coakley when she dropped this head-scratching little gem:, "Don't let anybody tell you that, you know, it's corporations and businesses that create jobs". Really, Mrs. Clinton? I'm pretty sure it is but you would know better than me.
Okay. Political commercials are nothing but crap, however, a few that are running around here are just plain goofy. Why are you telling me that a man running for State Attorney General is opposed to a woman's right to choose? What does that have to do with anything? The last time I checked, the State Attorney General didn't vote on Federal issues. I realize that many political groups believe that all women vote entirely with their vagina at all times, but seriously, can we even pretend to stick to the facts. There's an ad that runs every 2 minutes in Syracuse with a cranky old woman telling us that Republicans in Washington are waiting for John Katko to get elected to Congress so they can eliminate Medicare. LOL! Once again, the last time I checked, Republicans already control Congress. Why would they need John Katko to pull off their nefarious plot? Is he some type of Svengali? Another ad, by the same lame incumbent, has a woman warning us that, if John Katko is elected, he will allow insurance companies to charge women 10 TIMES MORE than men for health insurance! Oh My! That's an awful lot of power for a first year Congressman. I'm pretty sure that isn't true but, once again, what do I know.
Po

Money Well Spent, Right?

Hello My Dear Friends! It seems like you can't turn on the television or radio without being bombarded by political ads telling us how much better things will be if you vote for this guy, or vote against that guy. It is, of course, all a bunch of bullcheese. So, while you're listening to incumbent lawmakers tell you what a great job they've been doing, I'd like you to stop and think about this. A newly released report from the GAO tells us that, over the past 3 years, the Government has spent $3.1 Billion dollars on "administrative leave" costs. That would be you and me paying for government workers to stay home. Now, the bulk of these employees are not staying home because they're ill. No. They're staying home because they've misbehaved. The government says they are sent home while investigations into misconduct are done. 57,000 employees were home for one to three months. 263 workers were off for the entire three years of the study. Those 263 workers, alone, collected $31 million bucks! Our tax dollars in action! Does that make you mad? Well, sit back and ponder this: Jakob Denzinger was a guard at Auschwitz. He slipped into America, set up camp in Akron, Ohio, and was living the American Dream until 1989. That's when the Nazi hunters found him. Before he could be tried, he hopped a plane back to Germany, where he lives pretty well, compliments of you and me. Yup. Denzinger continues to collect Social Security, to the tune of $1500 a month. He's not alone. At least 38 of 66 Nazis tossed out of our country continued to collect their full Social Security benefits. Apparently being a Nazi war criminal does not exclude you from collecting US Government benefits! The government, not surprisingly, refuses to give the exact numbers but it's clearly in the millions of dollars. You just can't make this stuff up!
Po

An Epidemic of Absurdity

Hello My Dear Friends! While the media continues it's panic inducing coverage of the Ebola outbreak, the political finger pointing is flourishing. I, as much as anyone, hate to ruin a good story with actual facts but.....Let's start with the most obvious. Ebola is NOT an epidemic. not by a long shot. The definition of an epidemic is 15 infections per 100,000 people per week. There are just over a billion people in West Africa. If Ebola were an actual epidemic, that would mean that 150,000 people per week would be infected. To date, less than 10,000 people have been confirmed with the disease. Sadly, 4500 of those people have died. My point is, it's an "outbreak" not an epidemic. It IS very serious. It is NOT a serious threat to you or me. On average, 36,000 people die from the Flu, in this country, each year, Please don't lose sleep over either statistic. What you should lose sleep over are the people in charge of protecting us. Now, with that said, in this season of pre-election do-do slinging, I've heard many politicians claim that Republican spending cuts to the CDC are the reason they were "unprepared" for this threat. LOL! The CDC has an annual budget of $10 Billion dollars. The National Institutes of Health get about $30 Billion a year. While they attempt to blame their utter incompetence on funding cuts, consider this:
Last year the NIH spent $3.2 million on a study focused exclusively on getting monkeys drunk. To date, the CDC has spent $15 Billion dollars to "convince Americans to make healthy choices".  The NIH gave $90 million to China to study a parasite common to China, not America. The CDC has spent $2.87 million dollars on a study of "Why Lesbians Are Fat". They based that study on their belief that "three-quarters of lesbians are obese". That study is on-going so, stay tuned.  They spent $22 million on an agriculture study that was identical to one conducted by the Department of Agriculture "just to be sure". Shall I continue?
$1.5 million on four obscure sex studies including "mood arousal and risk taking", "sexual habits of older men" and "San Francisco's Asian prostitute population".
$7.6 million of the "Disease of Guns".
$676,000 on how sex workers spread STDs.
$423,000 examining the "barriers to correct condom use"
$181,000 How cocaine enhances Japanese Quail
My Friends, these are the people charged with protecting us. These are the same people who accidentally mailed active anthrax and stored bubonic plague in an unlocked closet. These are the same people who accidentally mixed a deadly strain of the Bird Flu with an innocuous flu strain and mailed it to an unsuspecting outside lab. So, yes, let's blame this latest fiasco on funding cuts.

TGIF

Hello My Dear Friends! Just to be clear, when I say TGIF it means 'Thank God I'm Feline'. I could give a rats tail what day it is. Today I say TGIF because you people are crazy! I know it's Friday and I should be writing things like, do you think clouds look down on us and say 'hey, that one's shaped like an idiot'? But, instead, let's discuss actual idiots. First, there was a second night of "unrest" in Saint Louis after an off duty officer shot and killed an 18-year old. Here's the thing. The officer says he was returning fire after the teen fired three shots at him. The victim's mother, who was not there, says her son did not have a gun; he had a sandwich. Apparently it was a Glock & Cheese sandwich because investigators found a 9 mm handgun and three spent shell next to the victim. No remnants of a sandwich were recovered.
Next, there was the genius on the plane to the Dominican Republic who decided to stand up and announce that he had Ebola. He thought it was funny. Others did not. Imagine that. People, stop screwing around on airplanes. "Joking" that you have a bomb, an infectious disease or a burning need to meet Allah is really not funny to sober people. If you really need to be the center of attention on an airplane, try buying everyone a sandwich. Just not a Glock & Cheese. That never turns out well.
Finally, a school district in Lincoln, Nebraska, has instructed teachers to stop referring to students as "boys" and "girls". They were told that acceptable terms would be "campers", "readers" or "purple penguins". Yes, purple penguins. These "gender inclusive" terms will somehow make lessons more effective. I know, right? You really can't make this stuff up. Why not just call them all Pat or Chris or Terry? Another term they're discussing is "hen". That's the "gender inclusive" term Swedish teachers refer to students. The problem with that is that, in Sweden, the term for 'he' is 'han' and the word for 'she' is 'hon' so "hen" was a simply a vowel change. Here in the States "hen" is a female chicken (or other game birds) and, in most circles, not something you call people. So we're left with the aforementioned choices. This is the kind of educational nonsense that's going to spread like wildfire. So, when your little darling comes home with a friend (I think you can still say friend) and says this is my purple penguin Buffy, you don't have to search their room for drugs! You can just give them both a carrot and send them on their way.
Po

Mid-Week Musings

Hello My Dear Friends! Happy Wednesday. Let me start by saying God Bless Terry Pegula and his family! Our beloved Bills will remain in Buffalo where they belong. Take that Jon Bon Satan! Anyway, Energy drink icon Red Bull has agreed to pay $13 million dollars to settle a false advertising lawsuit. The class action suit was filed over the company's claim that "Red Bull gives you wings". Apparently is does not. When all is said and done, the wingless plaintiffs will get about $10 bucks apiece but the lawyers will be flying high. With that in mind, I'm starting a class action suit against Disneyland. They claim to be the "happiest place on earth". I've been to Disneyland and, quite frankly, I was a lot happier in Key West. Cha-Ching!
The Federal Government says security agents will begin screening passengers from west African countries for Ebola at the 5 biggest international airports. Awesome. I haven't felt this safe since they started requiring that you put your 3.4 ounce bottle of shampoo in a clear, one quart plastic bag before bringing it onto the plane! Problem solved. Unless, of course, infected people fly to a non-African country before flying to the US, but that will never happen, so, as I said, problem solved.
Finally, Walmart announced that, as of January 1st, it will be dropping health benefits for part time workers who work under 30 hours a week. They blame skyrocketing health care costs. They join Target, Home Depot and over 300 other companies who say they will shift health coverage for part time workers to "public exchanges". Who could have ever seen that coming? Oh, that's right, anyone with an IQ over 60.
Po

And The Survey Says...

Hello My Dear Friends! Every day we hear about a new "study" that offers insight into who we are as a people. A few recent "studies" have caught my attention, not just for their conclusions but for their existence. Let's start with a reading study. A recent study (conducted by a Michigan State University researcher) says that girls, between the ages of 18 and 24, who read all 3 'Fifty Shades of Gray' novels are 65% more likely to be binge drinkers and 68% more likely to have multiple sex partners than girls in that same age group who were smart enough not to read that tripe. I know, right? A reasonable person, of average intelligence, would conclude that they got that study backward. They should have concluded that only binge drinking, party girls would waste their time reading all 3 of those books. Next, we see a recent "study" (by a Duke University professor) that dared to answer the question of why people hate to stand in line. You needed to study that? Really? Their groundbreaking conclusion...Boredom. Wow!
Two unrelated issues. First, an article I read today says more and more Americans are afraid of contracting Ebola. I know Ebola is a serious thing but really, you have a better chance of dying from the Flu, so wash your hands and don't hang out with West Africans.Finally, school districts in Washington State are phasing out swings. SWINGS! It seems insurance companies are pressuring school districts to do away with Jungle Gyms and Swing Sets because children are getting hurt on them. Really? Why not just require that all students be wrapped in Bubble Wrap before entering a playground. Yesterday, at our house, the baby slipped on a crayon. I guess the captors should have thrown away all of the crayons instead of just picking them up off the floor. If we do away with everything that has the potential to cause injury, what's left? Any type of ball could injure someone. Can't play Hide & Seek or Tag anymore. All of that running around is dangerous.  A sandbox? Nope. Sand in the eye could damage the retina. It's nuts. How did we ever survive?
Po