Random Thoughts, Or Are They?

Hello People. As I watched the captor today, bundled up like an oompa loompa, clearing the latest 8 inches of global warming, I was ready to throw my paws up and shout "I give". But then I thought, you know what, screw you Mother Nature!  Bring it on! It will make the other three seasons that much sweeter! That could have been the catnip talking but it made me feel better.
Anyway, aspiring rapper "Black Madam" is facing a host of charges, including 3rd degree murder, after a 20-year old exotic dancer died during what's known as a 'pumping party'. A pumping party is where people pay for illegal cosmetic surgery. 42-year old Padge Windslowe, apparently known to her clients as "the Michelangelo of Buttock Injections", injected the would-be beauty queen's behind with a mixture of industrial grade silicone and Krazy Glue. Shockingly, it killed her.The victim flew in from Europe, checked into a Philadelphia motel and paid $1800 for the "procedure" after reading about it on line. My question is, is it murder or a voluntary cleansing of the gene pool? You make the call.
35-year old New Jersey high school teacher Nicole DuFault is facing 40 charges aggravated sexual assault and endangering the welfare of a child for allegedly having sex with 6 different 14 & 15 year old students, on multiple occasions, at school and in her car. One of the "encounters" was caught on tape, purportedly by another student who was standing nearby. Waiting his turn? I don't know. The single mother of two, who taught language arts for 9 years, claims the boys were the aggressors. Her attorney says, "If the video depicts certain things happening, that doesn't mean my client isn't innocent. People are victimized by juveniles all the time". LOL! Good luck with that defense!
There's an on-going ballyhoo over the President's refusal to refer to the Islamic lunatic terrorists as "Islamic", even though, to the rest of the world, that's exactly who they are. For whatever reason, the President prefers nicknames like "violent extremists", ISIS or ISIL. When the captor was young, she had a friend they called Hambone. She hasn't seen her in over 25 years but she thinks about her every time she makes bean soup. My point is, nicknames have their place. This isn't one of those places. If it walks like a duck and talks like a duck, Mr. President, it's probably a duck!
Sway

All Aboard the Crazy Train!

Hello People! Once again I've been appointed conductor of the Crazy Train! I've stamped your tickets so get on board!
Shirley MacLaine! Welcome aboard! In her book "What If...", Ms. MacLaine writes; "What if most holocaust victims were balancing their karma from ages before, when they were Roman soldiers putting Christians to death?" Huh? I've read a lot about holocaust victims and I'm pretty sure there wasn't a Roman soldier among them. Ms. MacLaine also muses, "What If Stephen Hawking subconsciously gave himself the ALS he suffers from?" I have an addendum for your book Shirley. What If....you took your meds every day?
Peter Fonda. Take your seat next to Shirley. Fonda called MacLaine "brave" and "courageous" for standing up for her beliefs and going public with them. Brave and courageous? I would have to agree if, by brave and courageous, you mean anti-semitic and nuts.
Cho Hyun-ah! Have a seat. Cho is the former vice president of Korean Air who went nuts over how her nuts were served. As you may recall, back in December, Cho freaked out when a flight attendant served her macadamia nuts in a bag, instead of on a plate. She ordered that the plane be turned around and the attendant be fired. Well Hot Nuts! She's just been sentenced to one year in jail for that mixed bag of crazy!
Kanye West. Just sit down. This is too easy. I'm sure you've seen or heard about Kayne's latest lunacy at the Grammy's. He once again headed up on stage to take the Album of the Year award away from the winner (this time it was Beck, last time Taylor Swift) and give it to it's rightful owner, his Queen, Beyonce. He didn't go through with it this time. Probably because Beck is a guy and he didn't have the balls. Anyway, after his show within a show, he went on to say that Beyonce deserved the award and that Beck "had to respect the artistry". LOL! Beck plays 12 instruments. That's 12 more than Kanye and Beyonce combined. Beck actually sings. Both Kayne and Beyonce are auto tuned and produced. Who needs to respect what, Kayne? You really need to rein in the crazy sir.
Finally, Mr. President, come on down! ISIS is running wild, beheading people and setting them on fire. There is chaos in Lybia, Iraq, Syria and Yemen. What is the President of the United States doing during all of this? Click below.

                                                          Can't make this stuff up
Enjoy the ride!
Sway

You Know You Suck!

Hello People! When I was a Kitten I believed that there was good in everyone, you just had to look for it. As a full grown Cat, I now know that belief was naive and misguided. The truth is, people suck. The only thing you need to determine is to what degree. So, I have been hard at work creating what I call my Suckitudinal Index. It is a complex equation that leads to a rating of 0-100. I will not bore you with the details. My theory is that all people suck to some degree. The depth and breadth of your Suckitude determines your rating on the Index and, therefore, your place in my world. For example, Kanye West. Factoring in his "antics", his embarrassing obsession with Beyonce, who he married, the fact that he named his offspring North and other variables, he has reached a perfect 100; Total Suckitude! On the other end of the scale, well, there's me. I have given myself an unbiased 5. Even I have my moments! I've broken down your SI rating as follows:
0-20  You have your moments of Suckitude but are generally a good person. When given the choice 'to suck or not to suck' you most often choose the latter. A perfect example of this level, as I said, would be me and most of my clowder. You can move easily through all circles and people generally enjoy your company. You've probably been to my home many times and I always look forward to seeing you. Even when you suck, I like you.
11-35 You have more than your share of moments but, when push comes to shove, you usually do the right thing. You can be annoying but I don't actually cringe when I see you coming. You've been known to invite yourself along. When you go to dinner with a group of people, you're the one that always insists on separate checks. You're in that gray zone. You kind of suck.
36-60 There is definitely cringing going on. Your favorite topic of conversation is other people and you 'hate' everyone. Nothing ever works out for you and, more importantly, nothing is ever your fault. You've never picked up a check in your life. You make more people count to ten than a pre-school teacher. You change jobs frequently because 'you got screwed". You really suck.
61-85 People gather their belongings when you're around. You usually show up to events alone and glom on to the first person who inadvertently makes eye contact. You're always on the verge of greatness and your favorite topic of conversation is always you. Funny, you never seem to get ahead. You stand in line for free turkeys even though you have plenty of money. If you saw someone drop money, you would keep it and then brag about it later. People with this level of Suckitude are often confused with douchebags but douchebags actually have more class. You soooo Suck!
86-100 You believe the world revolves around you, while the rest of us hope that world falls off it's axis and lands on your head. You do nothing that doesn't benefit you first and foremost. If your mouth is moving, you're probably lying and you call everyone dude. Your SI rating is higher than your IQ. You interrupt people's conversations to impart your vulgarity laced wisdom on them. You ask people how much money they make. You leave your dog outside all winter. You think every girl/guy wants you but you're too good for them. That's apparently why you're always alone. You have achieved full and perfect Suckitude!
So there you have it. The Suckitudinal Index. I know you've already assigned someone you know to each of the categories above. If you're on the fence with someone, co-workers get an additional 5 points if, when they talk, the whole office can hear them! You can also add points for things like spitting in public, ending conversations with "whatever", always taking up two parking spaces, never having any cash, wearing pajama bottoms in public and, by all means, bad-mouthing the Buffalo Bills! I, personally, can no longer tolerate anyone over a 35. Life is just too short for that nonsense.
Sway

Day 50 -The Anger Returns

Hello People. I have returned from my extended anger vacation. It's not healthy to actually channel anger on a daily basis. It will make your fur fall out! It will! Anyway, before I vent, let me begin by saying that I fully understand how aging affects one's memory. I, myself, have misplaced my catnip pillow on more than one occasion. I've watched the captor walk into another room, only to return and ask if anyone knew why she had gone there. It happens. However, some things you just don't forget...
NBC Nightly News Anchor Brian Williams has apologized for claiming that, 12 years ago, while covering the Iraq War, the helicopter he was travelling in was shot down. It never happened. After being called out on his comments from someone who actually was on the chopper that was struck by an RPG, Williams blamed the "fog of memory over 12 years" for his "mistake". Seriously? You thought you were on a helicopter that was shot down? There's a problem here. You're still lying. You apologized by saying that you were actually in the chopper behind the one that was shot down. Turns out you actually arrived an hour later and had the event told to you by someone who had actually been on the chopper. Well, sure, I can see how you could confuse all this. There's another problem though. It's seems that you've told the same "harrowing" tale before, more than once, since 2007. Luckily, others around you have a less "foggy" memory than you. So, Mr. Williams, your apology falls a little short. I'm shocked that you've gotten away with your "hey, look at me" story as long as you have. There was an NBC news crew with you at the time. Not one of them had the balls to step forward and call you out? I guess integrity isn't a prerequisite for working at NBC. One has to wonder what other tall tales you've been telling. One also has to wonder if we can believe anything reported by NBC, knowing now that the network has no problem not only telling a lie, but exploiting it when it serves their purpose. I've said it before and I'll say it again. The Media Sucks! Oh, while I'm at it, and this has bugged me for the longest time, Mr. Williams, you're head is too big. I don't just mean figuratively. I mean, your head is literally, physically, too big. It drives me nuts. I'm just saying....
Sway