Made in America? Sort of.

Hello my dear friends. The other day the captor purchased a pair of Sony headphones to use at work. Upon opening the package she was surprised to see a AA battery included. Since headphones don't require batteries she was a bit perplexed. Was there, perhaps, something special about these headphones that required a battery? Is this something new? Well, after much research, these questions were never answered and the mystery of the AA battery remains just that, a mystery. I tell you this because I believe the reason the battery was included was because the young Taiwanese boy who most likely manufactured the headphones didn't know what they were and threw in a battery just in case. Did you know that 90% of the materials used in a product can come from other countries but, according to current U.S. laws, as long as a minimum percentage is assembled or "substantially transformed" in the U.S. it qualifies for the "Made in America" label. Yup. It's true. You've heard the expression that "it gets lost in the translation"? Well, that is why, I believe, we now get labels like this on a washing machine.

Good thing too, because I was just about to toss the kid in! It is the reason that Peanut M&M's actually have a warning on the label that says "This product may contain nuts". Nytol's warning says "may cause drowsiness". Well, it damn well better! I used to believe these things happened because manufactures just assumed that anyone who would buy their product must be a moron. Now I believe it is because the warnings are "losing something in the translation". Anyway, yesterday we talked about dog treats made in China that were killing dogs. Today, I just wanted to let you know that, just because it SAYS "Made in America" doesn't mean it didn't come from Beijing.
Po
p.s. This is way funny! Unrelated, but way funny.

Yikes! They're Trying To Kill Us Again!

Hi! It's me, Anya, and I have some terrifying news. The Chinese are trying to kill American dogs again! First it was the poison wheat gluten disaster of 2007. Now it Chicken Jerky Treats! The FDA has logged almost A THOUSAND complaints of innocent dogs falling ill or dying after eating chicken jerky treats. So far, three major companies have been named. Waggin' Train; Canyon Creek Ranch and Milo's Kitchen Home Style. All imported from China. Apparently it's no secret to the manufacturers. Milo's Kitchen admits to paying off at least one consumers in exchange for a release from liability. There's no way to know how many others have been"silenced". So please people, stop feeding us chicken jerky treats, regardless of the brand name. I know how busy you all are and taking the time to investigate the origin of food products, even your own, is a hassle. So, just to be safe, let's just skip the chicken jerky treats. As a matter of fact, my people have dropped all jerky treats entirely and I'm okay with that. Safety first. So come on People, do the right thing! We're all counting on you!  Here's a link with more details. Killer Dog Treats
Thank you for your anticipated cooperation.
Anya

Here's a Tip. If you get a chance to wait on David Beckham-Take It!

Hello my dear friends! We all enjoy being waiting on. Some of us, like me, insist on it. Today is National Waitress and Waiter Day (I don't know why). So, word on the street is that soccer star David Beckham hit an LA pub with his teammates this weekend, ran up a $100 tab and added a zero to the check! That's right. Beckham, already known for being a generous tipper, left a $900 tip for a $100 dollar tab. That must have been some waitress! I, personally, subscribe to the 20% sliding scale on tipping. When I go to a restaurant I plan on leaving a 20% tip. However, if the service is sub-par, I subtract 2%-5% for each "infraction". The bigger the screw up, the bigger the deduction. If the service really sucks, I don't leave a tip. I know many people do but I don't believe in rewarding bad behavior. I don't hold the waiter/waitress responsible for things that are out of their control, like the quality of the food, but if I have to ask repeatedly for more coffee, well, that's a different story. I also don't tip when the "gratuity is added" on my bill. I don't like being forced to tip. I've also been known to leave more than 20%. It all depends on the service. Other celebrities that are known for their generosity include Beyonce, George Clooney and Johnny Depp. On the other end of the spectrum, LeBron James (left a $10 tip for an $800 bill), Jeremy Piven (who has been known to leave no tip at all) and Tiger Woods (also a non-tipper who claims he never carries cash). What really sets my fur on edge are people who expect a tip for simply doing their job. I had an incident at the airport a while back where a luggage handler simply picked up my suitcase and put it on the cart behind him. He then held out his hand to me, so I shook it. He pulled his hand back and said "I hope your luggage makes it". So I wrote down his name and said "I hope you still have a job in the morning". My luggage arrived safely. I can't tell you how he made out but I did report his behavior. If he had carried my bag for me, I would have tipped him. He didn't, so I didn't. Everyone has a theory on who you tip and how much. My theory is, if someone does something for you, above what they're being paid to do, then you should tip them. How much you tip is really up to you. I can tell you this, a pleasant waiter/waitress who goes out of their way to make sure your meal is enjoyable can make even bad food seem tolerable. That's worth a tip, right?
Po

Innocuous or Egomaniacal? You Make The Call.

Hello my dear friends. Yesterday we discussed money well spent. Today, let's discuss time well spent. Do you know what White House staffers have been up to lately? Well, they've been adding addendums to Presidential biographies on whitehouse.gov.  What? It's true. A little background...The official website of the United States of America has a section dedicated to our former leaders. It has a biography, list of accomplishments, etc. for each former president and is used by students and others researching our nation's history. Now, when you log on to see the history of Ronald Reagan (for one) you'll read about the "peace through strength" initiative, and his countless other achievements followed by a "Did you know" addendum that says:
In a June 28, 1985 speech Reagan called for a fairer tax code, one where a multi-millionaire did not have a lower tax rate than his secretary. Today, President Obama is calling for the same with the Buffett Rule. 
That isn't actually true but, whatever. Reagan actually eliminated tax deductions and exempted low income people from paying taxes. The Buffet rule calls for increasing taxes on the "wealthy".
If you click on Lyndon Johnson (I know, why would you) you'll read about "the Great Society" followed by:
President Lyndon Johnson signed Medicare signed into law in 1965—providing millions of elderly healthcare stability. President Obama’s historic health care reform law, the Affordable Care Act, strengthens Medicare, offers eligible seniors a range of preventive services with no cost-sharing, and provides discounts on drugs when in the coverage gap known as the “donut hole.”
Aside from the fact that that isn't how you spell doughnut, should the White House really be adding their "two cents" to the accomplishments of presidents past? It is unprecedented and, in my humble opinion, a bit douchy. This is, of course, coming from the same man who said, when accepting the democratic nomination for president that his nomination would be remembered as "the moment when the rise of the oceans began to slow and our planet began to heal", so lack of hubris has never been an issue. Regardless, this brings to mind the kid in school that responded to other's achievements with "oh yeah, well I did it bigger and better". It just isn't cool. Besides, you'd think the White House staff would have more important things to do, like examining a study on how overweight, middle aged men can overcome erectile dysfunction. Oh, wait....
Po

They're Your Taxes. I'm Just The Messenger!

Hello my dear friends. It seems like every day we learn a little bit more about the big "Stimulus Package" that created jobs and saved the economy. Today I learned that two Stimulus Package grants, totaling $1.5 million, went to UC San Francisco to study erectile dysfunction in overweight, middle aged men AND the accurate reporting of one's sexual history! Not exactly the definition of "stimulus" I had in mind but important work none the less. In a ground breaking move, the study set out to determine if lifestyle changes could reduce erectile dysfunction in overweight, middle aged men. Umm...ok. I'm not a doctor but I thought that was what Viagra was for. Isn't that why insurance companies are required to pay for it? Also, I'm guessing that if you are middle aged and overweight, lifestyle changes might be in order for a myriad of reasons with the least being your sexual prowess. I mean, aside from politicians, how many middle aged fat guys are getting any action anyway? Regardless, the study cost almost $700,000 but hasn't produced any conclusions yet. Oh, and the job creation! According to their records, that study created ONE PART TIME JOB! Money well spent, don't you think? The second grant went to study why people don't accurately report their sexual history when asked. Again, I'm not a doctor but....could it be that they're embarrassed by it? I'm just spit balling here. I think a million dollar study was in order. Of course that study hasn't produced any results either but it is important work. Jobs created; 0.85. That's ZERO point 85 or, from what I can tell from my public school education, less than ONE. A rousing success (pun intended) wouldn't you say? I'm just glad to know that this Gubmint isn't just sitting around hoping things will get better. They're actively thinking about their winkies and doing something to ensure they continue to function well into their twilight years!
Po

National "Are You Serious" Day

Hello my dear friends. Today is National Straw Hat Day and I am not happy about it! In your endless quest to ensure that every moron with a cause has their own special day you, dear humans, have created a monster! Beside National Straw Hat Day, today is also National Chicken Dance Day, National Nylon Stockings Day. If you were too busy yesterday observing Mother's Day you missed National Frog Jumping Day. I'm just saying! If you're desperate for a reason to celebrate (as if captors need a reason to party) Here are a few dates you should probably write down. January 2nd. National OMG I Don't Want to Go To Work Day. February 29th. National It's My Birthday Day. Since you are only able to celebrate it once every four years it is very important to remember. NOTE: I will accept gift yearly on February 28th. March 15th. National I Hate This Freakin Snow Day. April 14th. National When Did They Start Taxing That Day. May 23rd. National I Can't Wait For The Long Weekend Day. June 28th. National It's Almost the 4th of July Day. July 14th. National The Captor's Are Having Their Clambake Day (I hate that day!). August 5th. National I Can't Take This Humidity Day. September 3rd. National Hooray, Summer's Over Day (generally observed by parents of young children). October 29th is National Cat Day (I'm not making that one up). November 3rd. National When The Hell Is Election Day Day. December 23rd. National Why Didn't I Buy That When It Was On Sale Day. So there you have it people. I've given you a party a month. If you still find yourself at a loss for something to do, celebrate National Goober's Day. That apparently runs 365 days a year! Enjoy!
Po

Happy Mother's Day

Hello my dear friends and Happy Mother's Day! Today is the day we set aside to honor our mothers. I, personally, haven't seen my mother in 12 years. That's when I was kidnapped by my captors and whisked away to this Godforsaken prison! But, enough about me. Today is about mothers everywhere and their ungrateful offspring who think a basket of flowers and a phone call once a year make up for a lifetime of bad behavior. Well, I'm here to tell you it doesn't. So get off your lazy human butts and do something special for your mother! How about writing her a letter, expressing your love and gratitude for all she has done for you? Hallmark doesn't really cut it today. Remember, your mother made you what you are today. Unless you're an ass. You probably did that yourself. So, fellow captives, since our captors are all we have so let's throw them a little extra love today. Don't go overboard! You know how they are. And, for all of you humans, here's an oldie but a goody!

M-O-T-H-E-R
"M" is for the million things she gave me,
"O" means only that she's growing old,
"T" is for the tears she shed to save me,
"H" is for her heart of purest gold;
"E" is for her eyes, with love-light shining,
"R" means right, and right she'll always be,
Put them all together, they spell "MOTHER,"
A word that means the world to me.


Happy Mother's Day
Po