Good Golly! You Want To What?

Hello People! I'm sure that you, like me, spend a good part of each day worrying about the environment and our impact on it. Well, good news! The EPA is once again spending our tax dollars to help us help ourselves. The EPA operates on an annual budget of about $9 billion dollars. They're requesting a $481 million dollar increase for fiscal 2016. It's money well spent. This year alone the EPA has launched a study to examine 'particulate emissions' coming from your backyard barbecue. They're proposing a 'secondary air filtration system' to go along with the drip tray. We don't know what those 'particulate emissions' are yet. Nor do we know if they're harmful. But, why wait for pesky details? Thanks EPA! I was just saying to the girls that backyard grills aren't nearly expensive enough. This will certainly take care of that!
The EPA has also launched a program to create a wireless system that will track how much water hotel guests use in the shower. Think about that for a moment. The EPA wants hotels to install wireless monitors in all of their showers to measure water usage. Gee, what could possible go wrong with that? Apparently they've never heard of water meters. It's a much better idea to install wireless electronics in our last bastion of privacy! You can't make this stuff up. The University of Tulsa has already received a grant to develop the technology.
This is the same agency that required companies that blend gas to use cellulosic biofuel or face significant fines. Unfortunately for those businesses, cellulosic biofuel doesn't exist on any kind of commercial level. So, the EPA first fined the refiners for not using the non-existent fuel, then mandated that they increase their use of it by 60%.
The EPA isn't alone. The Department of Health and Human Services just spent $500 million dollars on a program that will, among other things, seek to solve the problem of 5-year old kids who "can't sit still" in kindergarten classrooms. The Feds spent $30 million on a program designed to help Pakistani farmers produce more mangos and $3 million for a UC Irvine project to research the video game World of Warcraft! And you thought your tax dollars were being wasted. I'll leave you with this; the Heritage Foundation reports that the US military spent $998,798 dollars to ship two 19-cent washers from South Carolina to Texas and spent $293,451 dollars to ship one 89-cent washer from South Carolina to Florida. I could do this all day! Too bad there's no money left over to fix the water mains exploding all over America!
Sway

Oh My MY

People, people, people. Is the earth spinning too quickly for you? Are you all dizzy? Is that the problem? Every day I become more convinced that only two things in life are true. I am stunningly beautiful and you are completely nuts! Let's start in Washington, the home base of the National Crazy Train.
Six months ago our President touted Yemen as a success story; a shinning example of American diplomacy in action. Now, with Yemen in total chaos, one would think the White House would walk that statement back. Nope. Yesterday, when an ABC reporter asked White House spokesman Josh Earnest if they still considered Yemen a success story, Earnest replied, "A successful counter-terrorism strategy is one that will build up the capacity of the central government...". "That is a template that has succeeded in mitigating the threat in Yemen and Somalia". What? Build up the central government? Doesn't Yemen's President fleeing the country in the middle of the night kind of end the central government? Earnest went on to say that the White House was still communicating with the Yemeni government. Which government would that be? My Friends, these people are so divorced from reality, reality should be paying them alimony!
Let's move on to school news. An elementary school in Tennessee threatened to suspend a 7-year old student because they deemed his "high and tight" military style haircut to be a distraction. School policy prohibits any "mohawk or extreme cuts". You be the judge:

The boy, Adam Stinnet, wanted to honor his soldier step-brother with the cut. His mother was told he would have to change the haircut or he wouldn't be allowed back in school. She shaved his head. The irony here is that the school, Bobby Ray Memorial Elementary School, is named after a Medal of Honor winner who was killed in Vietnam. The school's gym bears the name of Spc. Jeremy L. Brown, who was killed in Afghanistan in 2010. So, apparently, they support the military, just not their hairstyle.
Finally, a pro-Hillary Clinton group called HRC Super Volunteers, sent a letter to about 150 media outlets warning them against spreading "any form of sexist news coverage" regarding the former Secretary of State. The group warned that they would be "watching, listening and protesting coded sexism". They were even kind enough to supply a list of "sexist" references. Are you ready?

• Polarizing
• Calculating
• Disingenuous
• Insincere
• Ambitious
• Inevitable
• Entitled
• Over confident
• Secretive
• Will do anything to win
• Represents the past
• Out of touch

Okay, call me crazy, but that reads more like a Hillary Thesaurus than a list of sexist terms! What will they think of next? Enjoy the weekend!

Sway

You're Serious, Right?

Hello People! I'm back from vacation. You're welcome. As I ease back into my pre-vacation routine, I can't help but notice that the crazy train just keeps chugging along. Where to begin?
Let's start here. While the President and his band of merry men continue "historic" nuclear negotiations with Iran, Iran's Supreme Leader, Ayatollah Khamenei, delivers a speech to his faithful saying, "Of course, death to America"! The White House response? No big deal, The Ayatollah's comments were "intended for a domestic political audience". Excuse me? Apparently, according to the White House, the Supreme Leader was just playing to the crowd. I guess secretly he really loves America and wants to be our partner in peace, right? Right.
Starbucks raised some eyebrows, and some ire, when they decided to write "Race Together" on their coffee cups to "open a discussion about race in America".  What it did was spark outrage. Gee, who could have seen that coming? It did open a discussion on race. Like, why doesn't Starbucks have any black executives? And, why doesn't Starbucks have stores in any black neighborhoods? So, after 5 days of discussion, Starbucks canned the cups. Hey Starbucks, here's a rule of thumb, people come to you for overpriced coffee, not political or cultural insight. Give the people what they want.
Seattle, Washington, proudly took it's place in history as the first city to raise their minimum wage to $15 an hour. Good for you Seattle! The wage hike takes affect on April 1st. There's a problem though. The Seattle Magazine reports that restaurants in The Jet City are closing at a record pace. A spokesman for the Washington Restaurant Association told the Washington Policy Center, "Every operator I'm talking to is in panic mode, trying to figure out what the new world will look like". I can save you the trouble of wondering. It will look something like this:

Good luck with that!

Sway

The Immortal Words of Mark Twain

Hello People. Where have I been? Thank you for asking. I've been banging my little head against the wall. Why? Because this world has gone nuts, seriously nuts, and the crazy seems to be spreading like wildfire! Mark Twain famously said, "Never argue with stupid people, they will drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience". Some days, as I scroll through Farcebook, I can actually feel my brain cells dying. Why people, why? Just today I saw a flurry of posts stating that "The President if Iran school Senate Republicans on our Constitution. This, of course, is in response to that stupid letter that 47 Senate Republicans sent to the leaders of Iran. I don't really care which side of the debate you come down on. I do care that you're stupid and aren't afraid to show it. I guarantee that not one person who posted that even knows who the President of Iran is. How do I know that? Because the statement they were all referring to was made by Javad Zarif, the Iranian Foreign Minister. Hassan Rouhani is the President of Iran. Splitting hairs? No. It's another case of people spouting off about something they know nothing about. Don't let the facts get in the way of your outrage people. It's this constant perpetuation of misinformation that dumbs down the entire society. By the way, and with all due respect, sending an open letter to foreign leaders does not, in any way, violate our Constitution. Not that it really matters.
Hillary Clinton used a personal email account during her entire run as Secretary of State. An email, I might add, that was hacked in 2010 by a group with ties to Ukraine. Since this was made public, we've been treated to a host of excuses and reasons why it's a non-issue. It is NOT a non-issue. Excuse #1, Mrs. Clinton was just used to using that account. Really? Because records show that she registered that account in 2009, on the day of her Senate confirmation hearing. It was clearly her intent, from day one, to eliminate any paper trails. Excuse #2, Mrs. Clinton was unaware that a private email account violated department policy. Really?? Beacuse in 2011, the State Department, under Secretary Clinton, issued instructions to all employees not to use personal email accounts or forward department email to personal accounts "which is prohibited by government policy". That directive went on to say that "violators would face disciplinary action". Indeed, in 2012 former Kenyan Ambassador Scott Gration was forced to step down after an Inspector General report criticized him for using personal email for government business. Ridiculous, right? The bottom line is, she knew it was wrong and she did it anyway. It's okay though. No big deal. It's Hillary. Don't even get me started on the President claiming he didn't know anything about it until he saw it on the news. It just never ends.
There's a prisoner, in the Peoples Republic of Massachusetts, suing the Sheriff for a wage increase. The inmate, who is here illegally, says he should be paid the state minimum wage ($9 an hour) for work he does while incarcerated.
A Georgia garbage collector was sentenced to 14 weekends in jail. His crime? He started work too early. Yup. Kevin McGill started his route at 5am. Unfortunately, a city ordinance prohibits trash collection before 7am so, they're sending him to jail. Seems like a bit of an over reaction to me but, hey, who wants ambitious city workers. That'll teach them!
Sway

Random Thoughts, Or Are They?

Hello People. As I watched the captor today, bundled up like an oompa loompa, clearing the latest 8 inches of global warming, I was ready to throw my paws up and shout "I give". But then I thought, you know what, screw you Mother Nature!  Bring it on! It will make the other three seasons that much sweeter! That could have been the catnip talking but it made me feel better.
Anyway, aspiring rapper "Black Madam" is facing a host of charges, including 3rd degree murder, after a 20-year old exotic dancer died during what's known as a 'pumping party'. A pumping party is where people pay for illegal cosmetic surgery. 42-year old Padge Windslowe, apparently known to her clients as "the Michelangelo of Buttock Injections", injected the would-be beauty queen's behind with a mixture of industrial grade silicone and Krazy Glue. Shockingly, it killed her.The victim flew in from Europe, checked into a Philadelphia motel and paid $1800 for the "procedure" after reading about it on line. My question is, is it murder or a voluntary cleansing of the gene pool? You make the call.
35-year old New Jersey high school teacher Nicole DuFault is facing 40 charges aggravated sexual assault and endangering the welfare of a child for allegedly having sex with 6 different 14 & 15 year old students, on multiple occasions, at school and in her car. One of the "encounters" was caught on tape, purportedly by another student who was standing nearby. Waiting his turn? I don't know. The single mother of two, who taught language arts for 9 years, claims the boys were the aggressors. Her attorney says, "If the video depicts certain things happening, that doesn't mean my client isn't innocent. People are victimized by juveniles all the time". LOL! Good luck with that defense!
There's an on-going ballyhoo over the President's refusal to refer to the Islamic lunatic terrorists as "Islamic", even though, to the rest of the world, that's exactly who they are. For whatever reason, the President prefers nicknames like "violent extremists", ISIS or ISIL. When the captor was young, she had a friend they called Hambone. She hasn't seen her in over 25 years but she thinks about her every time she makes bean soup. My point is, nicknames have their place. This isn't one of those places. If it walks like a duck and talks like a duck, Mr. President, it's probably a duck!
Sway

All Aboard the Crazy Train!

Hello People! Once again I've been appointed conductor of the Crazy Train! I've stamped your tickets so get on board!
Shirley MacLaine! Welcome aboard! In her book "What If...", Ms. MacLaine writes; "What if most holocaust victims were balancing their karma from ages before, when they were Roman soldiers putting Christians to death?" Huh? I've read a lot about holocaust victims and I'm pretty sure there wasn't a Roman soldier among them. Ms. MacLaine also muses, "What If Stephen Hawking subconsciously gave himself the ALS he suffers from?" I have an addendum for your book Shirley. What If....you took your meds every day?
Peter Fonda. Take your seat next to Shirley. Fonda called MacLaine "brave" and "courageous" for standing up for her beliefs and going public with them. Brave and courageous? I would have to agree if, by brave and courageous, you mean anti-semitic and nuts.
Cho Hyun-ah! Have a seat. Cho is the former vice president of Korean Air who went nuts over how her nuts were served. As you may recall, back in December, Cho freaked out when a flight attendant served her macadamia nuts in a bag, instead of on a plate. She ordered that the plane be turned around and the attendant be fired. Well Hot Nuts! She's just been sentenced to one year in jail for that mixed bag of crazy!
Kanye West. Just sit down. This is too easy. I'm sure you've seen or heard about Kayne's latest lunacy at the Grammy's. He once again headed up on stage to take the Album of the Year award away from the winner (this time it was Beck, last time Taylor Swift) and give it to it's rightful owner, his Queen, Beyonce. He didn't go through with it this time. Probably because Beck is a guy and he didn't have the balls. Anyway, after his show within a show, he went on to say that Beyonce deserved the award and that Beck "had to respect the artistry". LOL! Beck plays 12 instruments. That's 12 more than Kanye and Beyonce combined. Beck actually sings. Both Kayne and Beyonce are auto tuned and produced. Who needs to respect what, Kayne? You really need to rein in the crazy sir.
Finally, Mr. President, come on down! ISIS is running wild, beheading people and setting them on fire. There is chaos in Lybia, Iraq, Syria and Yemen. What is the President of the United States doing during all of this? Click below.

                                                          Can't make this stuff up
Enjoy the ride!
Sway

You Know You Suck!

Hello People! When I was a Kitten I believed that there was good in everyone, you just had to look for it. As a full grown Cat, I now know that belief was naive and misguided. The truth is, people suck. The only thing you need to determine is to what degree. So, I have been hard at work creating what I call my Suckitudinal Index. It is a complex equation that leads to a rating of 0-100. I will not bore you with the details. My theory is that all people suck to some degree. The depth and breadth of your Suckitude determines your rating on the Index and, therefore, your place in my world. For example, Kanye West. Factoring in his "antics", his embarrassing obsession with Beyonce, who he married, the fact that he named his offspring North and other variables, he has reached a perfect 100; Total Suckitude! On the other end of the scale, well, there's me. I have given myself an unbiased 5. Even I have my moments! I've broken down your SI rating as follows:
0-20  You have your moments of Suckitude but are generally a good person. When given the choice 'to suck or not to suck' you most often choose the latter. A perfect example of this level, as I said, would be me and most of my clowder. You can move easily through all circles and people generally enjoy your company. You've probably been to my home many times and I always look forward to seeing you. Even when you suck, I like you.
11-35 You have more than your share of moments but, when push comes to shove, you usually do the right thing. You can be annoying but I don't actually cringe when I see you coming. You've been known to invite yourself along. When you go to dinner with a group of people, you're the one that always insists on separate checks. You're in that gray zone. You kind of suck.
36-60 There is definitely cringing going on. Your favorite topic of conversation is other people and you 'hate' everyone. Nothing ever works out for you and, more importantly, nothing is ever your fault. You've never picked up a check in your life. You make more people count to ten than a pre-school teacher. You change jobs frequently because 'you got screwed". You really suck.
61-85 People gather their belongings when you're around. You usually show up to events alone and glom on to the first person who inadvertently makes eye contact. You're always on the verge of greatness and your favorite topic of conversation is always you. Funny, you never seem to get ahead. You stand in line for free turkeys even though you have plenty of money. If you saw someone drop money, you would keep it and then brag about it later. People with this level of Suckitude are often confused with douchebags but douchebags actually have more class. You soooo Suck!
86-100 You believe the world revolves around you, while the rest of us hope that world falls off it's axis and lands on your head. You do nothing that doesn't benefit you first and foremost. If your mouth is moving, you're probably lying and you call everyone dude. Your SI rating is higher than your IQ. You interrupt people's conversations to impart your vulgarity laced wisdom on them. You ask people how much money they make. You leave your dog outside all winter. You think every girl/guy wants you but you're too good for them. That's apparently why you're always alone. You have achieved full and perfect Suckitude!
So there you have it. The Suckitudinal Index. I know you've already assigned someone you know to each of the categories above. If you're on the fence with someone, co-workers get an additional 5 points if, when they talk, the whole office can hear them! You can also add points for things like spitting in public, ending conversations with "whatever", always taking up two parking spaces, never having any cash, wearing pajama bottoms in public and, by all means, bad-mouthing the Buffalo Bills! I, personally, can no longer tolerate anyone over a 35. Life is just too short for that nonsense.
Sway