Dear Santa

Hello my dear friends. I have a rare treat for you! Every year my captor, who is a goober, writes an actual letter to Santa! I know, right? Anyway, I managed to snatch a copy of this year's masterpiece. Read on...

Dear Santa,

As you know, I have been exceptionally good this year. In light of this, I'm sure you'll agree that I should be generously rewarded! Since it has become clear that you are incapable of delivering a Buffalo Bills playoff berth or even a decent quarterback, I've compiled the following list of choices for you. If it's not too much trouble I'd like you to select at least two things from the "really need" category and at least one thing from the "really want" category. You'll note that I have not, as in years past, included any references to your family, elves or "reindeer as the other white meat". I hope this clears up any misunderstandings about "perceived threats" that apparently prevented you from fulfilling my requests in the past. With that said, I really need a 4-cup measuring cup; a set of metal mixing bowls; a functional pepper grinder; a decent pair of driving gloves; Nike golf balls; new Yankees apparel; one of those cool mini pie makers. I really want a Nikon Coolpix S4100 digital camera (any color); single bottle wine chiller; a new wine fridge; a bigger TV for my bar; a sound bar w/ woofer for the big screen. Good luck Santa! I'm counting on you!

I told you she was a goober! 

Po