Everything Odd is You Again

Hello My Dear Friends. The captor got me a new tiara for my Birthday. This Saturday I will turn 14 in human years. That's approximately 72 Kitty years. Personally, I think I deserve a heck of a lot more than a tiara but it is what it is. The captor is also throwing me a little Brunch to mark the day. It makes one wonder which is more odd, people who throw parties for their captives or people who willingly attend these parties? I'm on the fence on that one but, since you are currently reading a blog purportedly written by a cat, I'm probably asking the wrong people! Did you know that people in these United States spend $45.4 billion, that's billion (with a "b") on their captives each year? I know, right? Yesterday the captor was freaking out about Time Warner raising their rates. She went on and on about which services she was going to downgrade or cancel to offset the cost. She did this while unpacking a bag of decorations she had just purchased for my Birthday Brunch. Yes, I too found it odd but, who am I to judge. Priorities are a subjective thing. Some people think having 200 channels, high speed internet and a home phone are important. Some people apparently think that throwing a party for their pet is a better use of their discretionary funds. It's like those people who pay $10 for a car wash to save 5 cents a gallon on gas. Or, buying two of something you only wanted one of, so you can get a third one free. It befuddles me. Yesterday, the other captor decided to save $2 by not putting money in the parking meter. You know how that turned out, right? A penny saved...
Po

The Cheese Stands Alone

Hello My Dear Friends!  For those of you who are interested, the Mystery of the Missing Cheese has been solved, sort of. We found the cheese on top of a cooler in the basement in an area that had previously been searched several times. The mystery of how the heck it got there remains. We may never really know. Next, let's reflect on the story of 31-year old Reid Fontaine and 35-year old Michael Jones of Illion, New York. They've been arrested for sexually abusing...cows. Apparently Jones video taped Fontaine having "sexual contact" with several cows. Now that's a friend. How proud their families must be. I can just hear it now: Fontaine: "We was just messin' around, like, ya know, it was funny". Jones: "I didn't do nuthin to that cow. I just taped him doin' it". Honestly, some people just defy understanding. Alec Baldwin has gone off on another rant, this time in New York Magazine. After claiming, again, that he is not homophobic, he went on to bash journalists Rachel Maddow, Anderson Cooper and Harvey Levin. Hmmmm. Must be a coincidence. Baldwin, in the article entitled "I give up" says he tired of living in the public eye, under the spotlight, so he's not giving up acting, he thinking about moving his family from New York to LA. What? Oh, I get it. There's no paparazzi in Los Angeles. Good thinking. After hearing of Mr. Baldwin's plan, cries of "Please don't move" rang out....from Los Angeles. He threatened to leave the country in 2008 and never did so I suspect this is just another angry attempt to remain relevant. Finally, the Robertson family, of "Duck Dynasty" fame has moved into the College Football Bowl Game arena. Yup. The reality show family's Duck Commander Company will be the Title Sponsor of this year's Independence Bowl in Louisiana. It's too bad Oregon is in the Pac 10 and not the Big 12.
Po

It's A Mystery

Hello My Dear Friends! Life is full of mysteries and unanswered questions. There are seemingly unsolvable mysteries like Stonehenge, the Bermuda Triangle and how Obama got re-elected. There are those age old questions like 'What came first, the chicken or the egg'? and 'why do black olives come in cans and green olives come in jars'? Anyway, around the prison these days, all the talk is about the Mystery of the Disappearing Cheese. Yup. Here's the story: The captor, who buys sliced cheese in bulk to save money, came home after shopping last week and proceeded to put the groceries away. While doing so, she took one package of cheese out of the box and put the other 3 packages in the freezer. When the chores were done, the captor went to the fridge to get a slice of cheese for her sandwich and...No Cheese! 'How silly' the captor thought, 'I must have left the cheese in the basement'. She went back to the basement but...no cheese. She looked in the freezer. 3 packages. She retraced her steps, still no cheese. The captor looked in the cupboards. She took everything out of the fridge, then out of the freezer, still no cheese. 45 minutes into the search the captor had a peanut butter sandwich. The cheese has never been found. Now THAT'S a mystery! I suspect we will find the cheese in a few weeks but it won't be pretty. And, the discovery will be preceded by yet another mystery; "What's that smell"?
Po

The Actual Value of Sentiment

Hello My Dear Friends! Today I was reflecting, as I often do, on the kinder, gentler days of my youth. Back in the day, when someone you cared about gave you something you kept it. It had "sentimental value". Today, like the US dollar, sentiment's value continues to decrease. I recall a conversation that the captor had with her mother not too long ago. Mom was reminiscing about how she save the captor's first tooth, a lock of hair from her first haircut and her first pair of shoes. 'How sweet' the captor thought, when mom continued, "Well, I saved them for a long time anyway". The captor inquired as to their whereabouts now and was told, "Seriously? It's been 50 years! How would I know"? Indeed. It's hard to argue with. It's something we all struggle with. How long do you keep greeting cards? The captor has recently moved into an "un-clutter phase". For most of her life, the captor was a pack rat. Now, not so much. Remember when 'autograph books' were popular? You'd bring them to school and your friends would write silly little things in them like " 2 good + 2 be 4 gotten". Yup. A box of those went into the trash a few months ago. The funny thing is, as the captor paged through them, she couldn't remember half of the people who claimed to be 2 good + 2 be 4 gotten. Guess they were wrong. Greeting cards last for one week after the intended event then, out they go. After unloading a Hefty bag full of old concert tee shirts (no valuable vintage ones) we no long purchase them. Do you really need to "buy the shirt"? Can't you just settle for the "been there; done that"? Maybe it's just me. Maybe it's just a natural byproduct of getting older but, it seems to me, that things just don't mean what they used to. Today, looking at chachkies, that used to evoke memories of vacations, victories and good times, now serve as a reminder that it's time to dust. Ever find a roll of film in the back of a drawer and take it to the store to see what's on it? Yup. Found two rolls a few weeks ago. Set them on the counter for about a week and then tossed them out. How important could they have been to have ended up in a drawer to begin with? There's a fine line between keepsakes and crap these days and that line is getting thinner. Jim Croce (remember him) wrote "Photographs and memories, Christmas cards you sent to me, all that I have are these, to remember you". He must have had a poor memory and a bigger house than me. Anyway, I may regret it one day but, at some point, sentimental value has to be balanced with drawer space.
Po

Nap Time!

Hello My Dear Friends! I am a firm believer that, sometimes, when life gets rough and stress is high, you have to just throw your paws up and take a nap. I believe that if more people adopted this life plan the world would be a much happier place. Take, for instance, our Vice President Joe Biden. As you may have read, former Defense Secretary Robert Gates wrote an insider book about this administration and in it he wrote that VP Biden, among other things, doesn't get along with Mr. Obama's cabinet members. Yesterday, in an interview with Time Magazine, addressed that observation with the following direct quote:
"I’m going to say something self-serving, because I get along — I’ve never had a Cabinet secretary who’s gone 'Whoa, whoa' --  notwithstanding Gates’ book — or has there ever been any kind of 'What the hell’s he doing,' because I’ve never, as I said, cut their grass."
Um, What? This is a man who clearly needs a nap! Actor Shia LeBouf, promoting his new film at the Berlin Film festival, walked out of a press conference after a reporter asked him a question about the "explicit sexual content" in the film. Before he stormed out he said:
"When the seagulls follow the trawler, it is because they think sardines will be thrown into the sea. Thank you very much." 
He later showed up on the Red Carpet wearing a tuxedo and a paper bag over his head. The bag said "I am not famous anymore" Um, you never really were but...Nap Time, right? Finally, the people of Iran took to the streets today to mark the 35th anniversary of their Islamic Revolution. How did they choose to mark this auspicious occasion? 

Somebody needs a nap......
Po

Yikes! I Know That Look.

Hello My Dear Friends! Usually, at the end of the week, I kick back with a little catnip and share my observations of the world with you. Today, however, I'd rather relay a story the captor told me. The captor arrived home this afternoon with that telltale vein popping out of her neck. It happens when she's forced to swallow her anger. We all know that look well. It's usually work related but not today. I sat her down, dug my claw lovingly into her leg and said 'tell me all about it dear'. It seems the captor went to the pharmacy to refill my prescription for syringes. As you know, I am diabetic and require two shots of insulin daily. The follow conversation ensued:
Captor:  "Hi. I'm here to pick up a prescription for Denman"
Tech:  "Okay. (pause) PoKitty"?
Captor:  "Yes".
Tech: (Pause) "Oh, we don't have that. We don't have a prescription for it. It's not here".
Captor:  We dropped off the prescription on Wednesday".
Tech: (pause) "Yes, I remember that. There was a problem with the scrip. It was made out to you".
Captor: "Well, yes. PoKitty is a cat".
Tech: "I know but we can't fill a prescription if the name on it isn't correct".
Captor: (deep breath) "Yes, well, PoKitty is an indoor cat so she isn't able to drive to the pharmacy herself, so I usually do it for her, like I have for the past 8 years".
Tech:  "I get that but the scrip is usually made out for her, not you, so I can't fill it. It's the law".
Captor: (deep breath) "Okay, oh, what was I thinking, the needles aren't for PoKitty, they're for me".
Tech:  "I can't fill a veterinarian's prescription for a person".
Captor: (deeper breath) You know, I really need these needles and the vet's office is all the way across town".
Tech:  "All we need is a verbal confirmation that the scrip is for PoKitty. We actually called the office and left a message but they never got back to us".
Captor:  "Why didn't someone call me and let me know there was a problem"?
Tech:  "I don't have an answer for that".
Captor: "Okay, I'll just call the office and have them straighten this out".
The captor walks to the waiting area and calls my personal physician, explains the issue and attempts to hand the phone to the Tech.....
Tech:  "I'm sorry. I can't take that. They have to call us directly".
Captor: (nearly hyperventilating) "What's the number and whom should she ask for"?
Tech: (gives the number) "She can just ask for me".
Captor (vein bulging) "And you are..."?
Tech:  "I'm Gerry"
The captor goes back to the waiting area while the phone confirmation is settled. There is no one else at the pharmacy.  Approximately 7 minutes later...
Tech:  (looking around) "Denman"?
Captor: (standing two feet away) "Yes. Still here".
Tech "We don't have those needles in stock. I've ordered them. They should be here tomorrow".
Captor: "Am I being punked? Is John Quinones here"?
Tech: "Who"?
Captor: (about to blow) "John Quinones, What Would You Do? Never mind. I really need those needles. Why didn't you order them when we dropped the prescription off"?
Tech: (hands her a bag of 5 needles) "Because we couldn't fill that prescription. You can pick up the rest tomorrow".
Captor: "You what? Never mind. What time tomorrow"?
Tech: (blank and fearful stare) Ummmm...
Captor: (red faced and breathing deeply) "Forget it. Just forget it. I'll be back on Monday".
Tech: "That would be good. You might want to call first, just to make sure they're here. Have a nice day".
Hehehehehe. You should have seen the captor's face. It was precious! To her credit, no one got hurt. TGIF!
Po
p.s. If you're wondering which pharmacy it was, I'll give you a hint....

Rose Colored Glasses

Hello My Dear Friends! It always warms my heart to see people putting their faith in the innate goodness of man. Then, it always makes me chuckle when reality slaps those rose colored glasses right off their face! Take, for instance, those fine marketing folks at "Esurance". After the Super Bowl they ran an add encouraging the fine people who were watching to Tweet anything they like with the hash tag "esurance saves 30" for a chance to win $1.5 million bucks. Imagine their surprise when tens of thousands of those viewers Tweeted some of the most vulgar, racist and pornographic things, with the Esurance tag! My personal favorite was one Tweet that claimed Esurance was run by Nazi war criminals.They must have loved having their company associated with that! Who could have foreseen thousands of drunken football fans would do such a thing? Oh, that's right, everyone.  How about the New Jersey woman who was taken hostage at a mall by a knife wielding parolee. The woman, Ellen Shane, was grabbed by the hair with a knife held to her throat and dragged into a department store. Her terrified husband was unable to help. Luckily, a nearby police officer sprang into action. When he was unable to free the woman he was forced to shoot and kill the crazed criminal, saving the woman's life. Mrs. Shane was so grateful for the brave officer's actions that she filed a $5 million dollar lawsuit against the officer and the police department. Shane claims the police department failed to "protect public safety" and that she was injured by the officer's actions. LOL! What a woman! Finally, after the tragedy at Sandy Hook Elementary school, Nashville charity 26.4.26 Foundation began raising funds for the community. According to records they collected over $103,000. $30,000 of that was given to a non-profit youth sports center in Newtown, Conn. Nothing can undo the events of that day but it makes us feel better if we can do something to help. Unfortunately, it looks like the co-founder of 26.4.26 decided to help himself. After presenting the $30,000 check to the non-profit organization, Robbie Bruce allegedly took off with the remaining money and hasn't been heard from since. Ahh, charity.
Po

Thoughts Over Catnip

Hello My Dear Friends! Have you heard the story of 11-year old Chloe Stirling of Troy, Illinois? Little Chloe started a cupcake business in her parents home. She would donate the cupcakes to local charities and sell some to her neighbors to offset costs. She made a staggering $200 a month. The local newspaper was so impressed with the little girl's efforts that they wrote a lovely article about her and her cupcakes! The very next day the Government stepped in to shut her down. Yup. They told Chloe's family that if she wanted to continue she would have to get a license and bring her operations "up to code". Translation; in order to continue her giving ways her family would have to shell out some $40,000! A fine lesson, don't you think? That brings me to a growing controversy surrounding businessman Kevin O'Leary. He's best known as Mr. Wonderful on the TV show Shark Tank. Mr. O'Leary, commenting on a recent report that showed that the majority of wealth created in this country goes to the top 1% of earners, said that income disparity should motivate people to work harder. WHAT!!!! How dare he suggest that people should have to work harder to make more money! He should be stripped of all of his wealth and never be allowed to work again! Work harder! How offensive! How about the 3rd grade students in Salt Lake City who had their school lunches pulled out from under them after it was determined that their lunch accounts had negative balances? Yup. It seems that the school failed to notify parents that their kid's lunch accounts were running low. Lunch is $2 a day. After the kids were given their lunch, school officials went through the lunch room and, in front of everyone, took their food away and replaced it with an orange and a carton of milk. Can't let them go hungry after all. Some of the little food scofflaws had a negative balance of as much as $4! Outraged parents said that if they had been notified about the shortage they would have corrected it. School officials said "Oops, our bad". The kicker is, because of school lunch regulations, once the food had been served it couldn't be "re-served" so, after they took the lunches away, they threw them in the trash. That is fiscal responsibility at it's finest! The school district graciously said that parents wouldn't be charged for the orange and milk.
Po