Meet Alfrieda B. Fliskers

Hello Everyone!  I've really torn the crap out of this thing!  We all have, really.  The next one of my fellow captives I'd like you to meet is Alfreida Baranski Fliskers.  The "Fliskers", just so you know, comes from 'freakishly long whiskers'. She comes from a strange land know only as "The Shelter".  I don't know where that is but I hear it's not exactly a place you'd want to visit.  I guess we can't all be beautiful, purebred royality, like me! I'm a 1%-er.  Anyway, take it away Alfie...

Hello. I'm Alfrieda Baranski Fliskers.  The captors call me Alfie B.  The other captives call me Freak or Freaky B. I don't know why. I get beat up a lot.  A LOT! Those darn Himies (short for Himalayans) are always picking on me because I don't have "papers".  I don't even know what papers are.  I guess it's a Himi thing.  Anyway, I'm considered the baby, even though I'm not the youngest. I'm just the smallest. I like warmth. I spend much of my day looking for someplace warm to sleep. It's very cold in this prison. Apparently there is some evil entity called National Greed that the captors just hate. They are the reason it's so cold in here.  I don't understand it but it's out of my paws.  I also like food, all food, really. The captors say I'm a nudge. I don't know what that means.  I just like to see what everyone is up to. Sometimes it annoys the other captives and they chase me away. Apparently that is disruptive, especially when all of the lights are out.  That's really the best time to play 'chase me' but it seems to upset the captives, who are sleeping. I don't get that since they don't have any problem tromping around when I'm sleeping! Finally, I'm very sad to hear that Kim Kardashian and that tall guy are getting divorced. They seemed like such happy people, who got married on TV for money. Who would have thought that would have failed? If two relative strangers in a made for TV romance can't make it in this crazy world, who can?
That's all for now.
AlfieB

Meet the Cast

Hello my dear friends.  My, how time flies!  This is me and my sister, and fellow captive, Bizwhacker a decade ago.  We were young, playful and full of wide-eyed wonder!  This is us now

We've grown. I know what you're thinking, Biz has put on some weight! Anyway, this is the Real House Cats of New York so I'll turn things over to Biz.

Hello! I'm an 11 year old Siamese who, like Po, has been held captive here for over and decade and has a ridiculous name! In case you didn't know, I'm sure she hasn't told you, Po's real name is Princess Otahdoda Kitty! It's true. We also live with Consequella Coonataila Beocholotta, Alfreida Baranski Fliskers and a dog named Anya Fanya Poopalotta.  You'll meet them in the coming days.  My point is, the people who run this prison are a little, shall we says, NUTS! This is why we have all followed Po, oh these many years, in her plot to over throw this place and make our escape!  To date, she has been less than successful but our resolve remain strong. Anyway, this is supposed to be about me so, I like eating, sleeping, catnip and dogs.  That's right, I said it! I like dogs. I am not ashamed. I also like France. I believe I may have lived there at some point so macher que les gens!  
Biz

Occupy Reality

Hello my dear friends!  I was going to simply ignore this whole "occupy Wall Street" nonsense, like most of America but today I heard one protester say he could no longer afford to pay his college loan (Harvard Grad) and his iPhone bill!  Another protester announced how he couldn't make ends meet on his pension alone.  Turns out he's a retired NYC teacher who's pension is $7700.00 dollars a month!  My heart breaks for these people.  Don't get me wrong.  I'm not anti-protest.  This country was born of protest.  I am, and always have been, anti dumbass! So, to the protesters (who haven't had their iPads stolen yet), there are several reasons that you're "movement has gained mainstream support.  First, you need a better public face.  This is twofold. Literally, take a bath, shave, change your clothes.  You look more like a shanty town than an organized protest and you smell. Nobody wants to be around the smelly kid. Figuratively, be more selective on who among you speaks to the press.  There has to be someone there who can string together a thirty second sound bite without saying something stupid. Announcing that your protest is being funded "mainly with credit card donations made through your website is, well, ironic at best. Also, celebrities like Alec Baldwin and Kanye West really don't help your cause.  In case you're unaware, they are filthy rich.  You know, the people you blame for your failures...and Sean Lennon? Really? Singing a Madonna song. Sean, of anyone, would know how difficult it is to survive in America when all you have to live on is your daddy's millions. Also, urinating, defecating and have sex in public tends to put people off.  Seriously, it does. Instead of spending all of your funds on sleeping bags for the masses, try renting a porta-potty. Additionally, the open drug use is starting to harm your credibility.  Finally, and I can't believe you haven't figured this out yourself, you're in the WRONG PLACE!  If you don't like the way this country is run, OCCUPY PENNSYLVANIA AVENUE! Jiminy Crickets!  Do I have to tell you people everything?
Po

When Life Gives You Lemons...

Hello my dear friends!  Yesterday was not a great day.  It happens.  We all have tough days every now and then but nothing can make a bad day worse than well meaning people spouting platitudes!  I detest platitudes!  'Everything happens for a reason'; 'When one door closes, another one opens'; 'If it's meant to be, it will be'.  What the @#$% people!  This is not comforting.  This is ANNOYING!  When someone loses their job, for instance, you don't say to them "when one door closes...".  You say "those goobers wouldn't know talent if it bit them one the tail!".  Everything may happen for a reason but sometimes the reason is stupid and that just sucks! So, when life gives you lemons, squirt that lemon juice right back in life's eye!  If one door closes, whizzz on it!  If you're going in the wrong direction, do the Hokey Pokey, turn yourself around!  After all, that's what it's all about!  Later
Po

Brrrreaking Dumbass News!

Well hello everyone!  I just read the most entertaining article!  It seems "filmmaker" Michael Moore, Speaking with Richard Bacon of the BBC, described the President’s first term in office as “heart-breaking” and a “disappointment.” Words I'm sure Mr. Moore hears quite often when being described by his mother, but I digress. These words got me to thinking.  What could be more insulting than being called a disappointment by Michael Moore?  Being called short by Verne Troyer?  Being called obnoxious by Nancy Grace?  How about being called overrated by Tony Romo! Well Mr. President, I guess I haven't been paying enough attention to what you've been up to. If Michael Moore is disappointed in you, you must be doing something right...

Good Grief!

 

Hello Everyone!  I was surfing the net today or, as I like to call it, reviewing the tide of idiocy.  I came across the most fascinating article about a 36 year old woman in New York who plans to give birth in an art gallery as a "work of art".  She is, by trade, a "performance artist" who has, in the past, acted out pivotal moments in her life including her own birth, losing her virginity and her grandfather's funeral.  I suspect "losing her sanity" is currently in the works.  The gallery has been transformed into a "birthing center" and she has been hanging out there for the past couple of weeks so she can "bond" with her audience.  After all, you wouldn't want to give birth in a room full of strangers. When the performance is about to begin, people who have signed a "guest list" will be notified to head to the gallery.  Since it will be "one performance only" the guests will have to be on their toes.  One wouldn't want to arrive in the middle.  The "artist" says she doesn't plan to talk to her audience but (and this is really a quote) " "However, I never know how a performance will progress and sometimes unexpected things happen." She and her artist husband do not knot the gender of the child and have not chosen a name.  May I suggest "Anita Therapist" for a girl and perhaps "Ben Traumatized" for a boy?  Here's a link to the article if you're interested.  http://hosted.ap.org/dynamic/stories/U/US_BIRTH_AS_ART?SITE=AP&SECTION=HOME&TEMPLATE=DEFAULT&CTIME=2011-10-24-03-01-04

As I said before, Good Grief! 

Po

A Big Hello

I'd like to welcome all of my loyal friends who have followed me here to my new home on the web.  As you know, creative differences with my former "host" forced me into a work stoppage.  In this current economy, a girl has to work so here I am.  I will continue to keep you informed on my crusade to rule the world, only now I can do it without certain Goobers (who couldn't find their tails with two paws) annoying me.  For those of you who are new to my world, a "goober" is a dumbass who happens to out rank you. Anyway, this new blog is a little new to me so please bear with me as I learn how all of the features work.  Good day to you all!
Po

Brave New World

Hello my dear friends!  This is my first venture into the world of uncensored blogging.  For those of you who may have been familiar with my previous blog, controlled by corporate interests, I am now free!  Free to express myself without interference or input from the Goobers of the past.  So, beginning today, get ready for the REAL World, according to Po!