Thoughts Over Catnip

Hello My Dear Friends. It's been a tough week here at the prison but it's Friday, so it is time for my weekly thoughts over catnip. Why do potatoes lose their vegetable status when you turn them into french fries or chips? I don't know of any other vegetable that becomes a non-vegetable through the cooking process. I think potatoes are getting screwed. Along that same line, what's the deal with cured ham? What did it have to begin with? Is non-cured ham ill? I don't get it. Did you hear about the rodeo clown who wore an Obama mask at the Missouri State Fair? He was fired and banned for life from the fair. There are calls to deny state funding for the fair in the future and the NAACP wants a federal investigation into the clown who wore the mask! LOL! The Obama Halloween mask has been the #1 seller for years. I'll bet this news has a bunch of people shaking in their boots. Who knew that wearing a mask of the President could be a federal crime? One person at the fair compared a clown wearing an Obama mask to a Klan Rally. Really? At least now we know. Wear a mask of this President and you'll never work again! An 18 year old New Hampshire girl, paralyzed from the waist down and confined to a wheelchair, has been banned from this year's Paralympics in Montreal because an IPC doctor ruled she wasn't handicapped enough. The doctor suggested that, with years of intensive therapy, she might be able to walk again so she doesn't qualify. The fact that she's been in a wheelchair since age 11 and that she competed in Paralympic Games in London in 2012 are irrelevant. She won 4 medals in those games. Interesting. The people of Egypt declared today "A Day of Rage". I'm not sure what separates today from every other day. They're generally pretty angry over there. I wonder if Hallmark has a card for that. "Today we gather, rocks in hand, a riot we will wage; So grab the kids and hand grenades and join our Day of Rage"! You're welcome Hallmark. The captor got a new "Smart Phone" but all I've seen for the last two days is her tapping on the darn thing and saying "stupid phone". Which is it? Finally, NY State Comptroller Thomas DiNapoli has announced that our state will begin producing new drivers licenses by the end of this year. He says, even though they will cost taxpayers millions of dollars more each year, they new licenses will be "harder to alter or make into fake ID". Brilliant! Let's just hope those who would seek out false identification don't think to use a license from any of the other 49 states! Only in New York! Enjoy the weekend!
Po

Sad Day at the Prison

Hello My Dear Friends. It is with great sadness and a heavy heart that I inform you that today we said goodbye to our Big, Dumb Dog. Advanced age and hip dysplasia took it's toll on our friend, our sister and fellow captive. She's in Canada now, with all of the other beloved captives who cross that rainbow bridge. So Rest In Peace Anya Fanya Poopalotta. You were the best!

It's Friday! Let's All Get Our Nip On!

Hello My Dear Friends. The weekend has finally arrived! Sometimes, when I'm alone, I have a little catnip and let my mind wander. It helps me unwind. I suspect, one day, my mind will wander away and forget to come back but, so far, that has happened so we're good. Do you ever wonder why we have to choose from just two people for President and 20 for American Idol? Seems odd, right? How important does a person have to be to be considered assassinated instead of just murdered? I remember a time when people just knew that hot coffee could burn them without having to read it on the side of a cup. I miss those days. When I was a kitty, if we wanted to change the television channel, you got up and turned the dial. Today, I watched the captor walk over to the TV, pick up the remote from in front of the set, walk back to her chair and then change the channel. I know, right? How is it that we put a man in space before we figured out that putting wheels on luggage would be a good thing? The government today removed all "non essential" personnel from the embassy in Pakistan. Why do we even have "non essential" personnel? If you're not essential, why are you there in the first place? Why do people pay to go to the top of tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground? Sometimes people confuse me. Why are you in a movie but on TV?  If Kim Kardashian fell in the woods and there were no paparazzi there to photograph it, would she just keep on falling until they got there? I think she would. Why do people, when they choose to speak on their pet's behalf, use goofy voices? We don't do that when we mock you. Do you do a different goofy voice for each pet? I know you do. Goober. Ok. I'm done now. Enjoy the weekend!
Po

Here I Go Again!

Hello My Dear Friends! Today I learned a valuable lesson that I felt compelled to share with you. I was listening to U.S. Congressman Keith Ellison speak on the role of Government. Mr. Ellison is a Democrat from Minnesota representing the 5th Congressional District in Minneapolis. The Congressman was discussing the federal deficit and proposed spending cuts. Mr. Ellison said "it's not that there's no money, there's plenty of money, the government just doesn't have it yet". Mr. Ellison went on to say that the government has a "right" to operate programs it establishes and the taxpayer has an "obligation" to supply the funding. You might want to read that again. It sounds to me like the Congressman believes that my (and your) hard earned money doesn't actually belong to me (or you) but is part of a bottomless well that the government can drink from whenever they see fit. Wow! Who knew that? I wonder if he shared this view while on the campaign trail? Since these are the same voters who saw fit to put Al Franken in the Senate and elect Jesse Ventura Governor, I wouldn't be surprised. So, I now humbly ask the residents of Minnesota to either stop voting or secede from the union. It seems that every time you Minnesotans are given the opportunity to select representation you flip out. Are your election booths giant Pin the Tail on the Donkey games? Do they blindfold you and spin you around before they send you into the booth to vote? How can so many people be so wrong so often? Even your sports teams suck! Secession is the only answer. People of Minnesota please become your own Country or merge with Canada. Thank you!
Po

It's Not Global Warming. It's Menopause!

Hello My Dear Friends. There's been a lot of talk about the weather this summer. No one can deny that it's been screwy. We've heard all of the debates for and against "Global Warming" or "Climate Change" but I think the answer is much more simple. I now believe that Mother Nature is going through Menopause! Think about it. Stretches of unbearable heat; Hot Flashes. Violent Storms followed by blue skies; Mood Swings. Snow in the south with heat in the north; Confusion. Heavy, flooding rain; Bloating. The signs are all there! Poor Mother Nature. I feel her pain. All of these crazy weather patterns can be explained. Anxiety, depression, irritability. You'd be hurling some lightening bolts too! So keep driving that SUV. All we need to do is fire some estrogen into the clouds. Maybe a little Merlot too. That can be very helpful at times. Also, it would be to our benefit if you could all stop complaining so much. I'm guessing Mother Nature is a little touchy about her performance lately. No need to add fuel to the fire. Also, she's probably feeling all achy and stressed, not sleeping well, you know what I'm saying. Maybe we can get the Wiccans to throw her an extra "atta girl" when they celebrate Mabon next month. Every little bit helps. The best thing we can do is give her space, let her know we appreciate her and hope for the best.
Po

Are You Serious?

Hello My Dear Friends. Nothing like a little fresh catnip to kickoff the weekend! My friends, in this crazy, mixed up world there is stupid and there's that special kind of stupid that just leaves you shaking your head. It's that special kind of stupid that brings us here today. Let's start with Illinois State Representative Monique Davis who, during an interview on a Detroit radio station, said "many members of her community" believe it is actually the police shooting young black men on the street of Chicago. When questioned how she could make such an outrageous statement without any proof, she said she didn't actually say it, she repeated it. Huh? She went on to say that she didn't think her comments would "draw national attention". Um, you said them on the radio. You know people can hear you when you do that, right? She further defended her comments by saying she didn't actually believe that the police were gunning down young black men but she has a right to publicly "repeat what members of her community tell her". Seriously? Next, the President of the United States took the opportunity, while speaking to workers at an Amazon.com warehouse in Tennessee, to blame Kim Kardashian and Kanye West for basically destroying the moral fabric of America's youth. Yup! He called them out by name, saying their antics on Reality TV have turned an entire generation into fame seekers. Now, even though I agree that Kim and Kanye suck, I'm pretty sure this generation was tainted long before Keeping up with the Kardashians hit the airwaves. I guess all we need to do is cancel that show and this Country will be back on track! Wow, who knew it was that simple. That's why he's the King President. Finally, last night CNN had a "Breaking News Exclusive"! CNN reports there may be a CIA cover up regarding the terrorist attack in Benghazi! It took them 11 months to figure that out? Apparently CNN has learned that CIA operatives with knowledge of the events last September 11th are being polygraphed monthly to make sure they aren't talking to Congress or the media. Really CNN? That's what tipped you off. That whole ridiculous story about the protest over a video gone awry didn't raise any flags? The 12 versions of talking points on the attack didn't pique your interest? No? Well then, I'm glad someone told you about the polygraph tests. That's just reporting at it's finest. Good for you CNN! Finally, the Philadelphia Eagles wide receiver Riley Cooper, who was caught on tape hurling the dreaded N-Word racial slur, has been "excused" from all team activities to seek counseling. "Excused", of course, means suspended. It should go without saying that using that word is wrong. It should but it doesn't. Once again, a person has lost their job for using a bad word. So, the last award for that special kind of stupid goes to me. That's right, me. I must be stupid because, once again, I'm confused. San Francisco 49ers cornerback Chris Culliver, Eagles wide receiver DeSean Jackson, Pittsburgh Steelers linebacker James Harrison, Johnathan Vilma of the New Orleans Saints and Tank Carder of the Cleveland Browns have all hurled very public Anti-Gay slurs. They were fined but none of them were ever suspended or "excused" from their teams. Why? I guess that's the stupidest question of all. Enjoy the weekend!
Po

It's Time For Reader Mail!

Hello My Dear Friends. Let me first say that I am keenly aware that many of you would be adrift in a sea of confusion without my guidance. I accept that responsibility. I feel it is my duty to help you keep your life between the navigational beacons. I also accept the fact that some of you are, well, beyond my help and, quite frankly, beyond my understanding. The following may (or may not) be actual correspondence I've received from some of you. I felt the need to share your thoughts and my responses with the class...
Dear PoKitty,
You really have it going on. Have you ever thought of running for office? You'd get my vote!
Your fan,
Debbie

Dear Debbie,
I appreciate your kind words. No, I have never considered running for public office because I am a cat and that would be silly. Judging by your willingness to vote for a cat, I'm guessing that your participation in the American Electoral Process benefits no one. Please never vote again. Thanks for your e-mail.
Po

Dear PoKitty,
Could you explain to me in one sentence why we should care about what's happening in the middle east?
Sincerely,
Joe

Dear Joe,
No I cannot. Perhaps you should work on increasing your attention span before you tackle something as complicated as world politics.
Po

Dear Po,
If you could change one thing in this world today, what would it be?
Jim

Dear Jim,
I would ban the asking of nonsensical questions.
Po

Dear PoKitty,
If you're so smart, why haven't you figured out a way to escape yet?
Whiskers

Dear Whiskers,
Why do you have such a goofy name? Do you have a captor named Eyelash? To answer your question, I have chosen not to escape as I've been on the outside and it's dirty.
Po

Keep those e-mails coming!
Po
princesspokitty@gmail.com