Happy Easter

Happy Easter my dear Friends! I love Easter baskets! We all do, really.

There's nothing more fun than sitting in a new Easter basket. What isn't fun is realizing, on the day after Easter, that you've made a tragic mistake by giving someone a live bunny! Bunnies are adorable but they are also a 10 year commitment, messy, smelly and, lets face it, rodents. That means they are born to chew! But there is another issue (tongue planted firmly in cheek) that no one ever talks about. Adding a bunny to a Kitty home can produce an unexpected consequence. You know that bunnies love to propagate. You know that, like most men, they don't care who their partner is. If your bunny gets loose, you could become the unwitting  owner of the elusive Cabbit! That's right. The Cabbit, a creature kept secret from the general public for generations, is the mating of a cat and a rabbit. It's true! I know that people continue to deny their existence. This is because no one wants to admit that they were the ones who allowed this bizarre mating to happen. But, belive me people, it does happen and I have proof! I give you the Cabbit:

Frightening, isn't it! This is why it is never safe to have a bunny in your home. Heed my words people. Bunnies belong in the wild. Not in your happy Kitty home! Chew on that. Happy Easter!

Po

What, Now?

Hello My Dear Friends. Yesterday we talked about things people are doing that really make you scratch your head. Today, in the same vein, I'd like to address some things that people have said recently where their meaning escapes me. Let's start with our good friend the Reverend Al Sharpton. During a recent interview regarding New York City Mayor Mike Bloomberg's campaign to ban guns, Mr. Sharpton said that the opposition to the proposed gun ban was not based solely on 2nd amendment rights but was also (paraphrasing here) 'obviously steeped in antisemitism'. I know, right? It seemed like an odd thing to say but, I called all of the gun owners I know and, sure enough, every one of them said that if Michael Bloomberg was a Protestant they would gladly hand over their guns. LOL! Oh Reverend Al, once again, you've got your finger on the pulse of America!
Brian Brown is the President of the National Organization for Marriage. He is arguing before the Supreme Court against same-sex marriage. While defending his position against the argument that a denial of rights associated with marriage to same-sex couples amounts to discrimination, Brown said, "Discrimination is the act of treating two equals as non-equals. Straight couples and gay couples are not equal and saying they are not the same is not discrimination". Ummm. I'm pretty sure it is. Regardless of which side of the issue you're on, if Bill and George are both 38 years old, both American citizens, both employed, both home owners, both whatevers, and Bill has legal rights and benefits that George doesn't, George is being discriminated against. Mr. Brown also went on to say that there is nothing in the constitution that would "remotely guarantee the right to same-sex marriage". Really? I guess that whole "Life, Liberty and Pursuit of Happiness" stuff was more of a guideline than a rule. Oh that pesky constitution.
Finally (for now) We all know that the government looks for ways to waste our money. It's what they do best. Nothing highlights that more than this little line item discovered by The Citizens against Government Waste. $385,000 for a Yale University study into the "Plasticity of duck penises during mating". It's a grant from the National Science Foundation to Yale under the heading "Sexual Conflict, Social Behavior and the Evolution of Waterfowl Genitalia". Yup. It's true. I really don't know what to add to that. I guess inquiring minds want to know!
Po

Am I in the Twilight Zone?

Hello my Dear Friends! Once again I find myself scratching my head, wondering if I'm being punked by the world. Where to begin? Let's start with the Texas mother who is fighting her 5th grade son's school over a test question. The test was on the September 11, 2001 attacks. The test question ask "Why is America a target of terrorists"? The "correct" answer was "Decisions we made in the United States have had negative effects on people elsewhere". This mother would prefer that the school district not teach her children that we were somehow to blame for the September 11th attacks. Call me crazy, but I have to agree. I can't say I'm surprised by the response. The school district says they're sorry for the wording of the question but stand by the answer. What? Perhaps if those terrorists had flown a plane into The Alamo they'd see things differently.
Let's talk about Spring Rolls! No, not the delicious Chinese treat. I refer to the Seattle school that wants to change "Easter Eggs" to "Spring Spheres" so as not to offend anyone. Under their plan, the Spring Bunny would bring the multi-colored Spring Spheres for a rousing Spring Roll and Spring Sphere Hunt! OK! Since dyed eggs, bunnies and candy actually have nothing to do with Easter, I guess this latest assault on all things Catholic is goofy at best. But I am curious how they plan to explain this to future generations. Why, exactly, does a bunny hide eggs in the Spring? Will they be told that Spring is egg season? Why a bunny? Why not a chicken? And, will they just do away with Peter Cotton Tail or will they change his theme song? These are questions far too deep for a humble Cat like me.
Finally (for now) Bill Deeley, the President of the Punxsutawney Groundhog Club's Inner Circle, says it was he, not Phil, who was incorrect about Spring's arrival. You see, a prosecutor in Ohio indicted Phil for criminal fraud. He was, of course, kidding. But Mr. Deeley stepped up and said Phil actually foresaw 6 more weeks of winter and he (Mr. Deeley) misinterpreted Phil's "Groundhogese". My question is, why is this man not institutionalized? He believes he misunderstood the groundhog? Really? I know what you're thinking. Yes, my captor is able to communicate with me. But, would she swear to that under oath? I don't think so. Would she stand at a podium, in front of the national press, to clarify something I said? God, I hope not. So, I say to you Mr. Deeley, take your meds and, in the future, check with a meteorologist before you talk to the rodent! Oh, one more thing! Vice President Joe Biden went to Europe last month. He spent one night in Paris and one night in London. Cost to taxpayers $1,044,338. I wonder how many Federal jobs that would have saved?
Po

Well, It Took You Long Enough!

Hello My Dear Friends. I read the most fascinating article in the New York Daily News today. It was a look at Sandy Hook tragedy and what police now believe was the motive behind the slaughter. According to the article, the police now believe the killer, an avid video gamer, brought his "virtual" self into the "real world" and was living his video game fantasy. What I found fascinating is that it took them this long to figure that out!  Thumbing through some of my past musings, I came across something I posted on January 16th, at 1:04pm, cleverly titled "What We Really Need is People Control". In it, as you may recall, I outlined that exact same theory. I don't mention this to toot my own horn. I don't need to do that. My brilliance is obvious. I mention it because, once again, this issue, this theory, is being discounted. House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi has been quoted as saying there is "no statistical correlation" between video game use and gun violence. Perhaps not. But, what about video game obsession and mass shootings? why are the powers that be so afraid to admit that video game obsession, in some people, could lead to violent outbursts? Perhaps such a study would motivate more parents into monitoring their kids video game consumption. It seems to me that the powers that be are more interested in what we eat than what we do. I can guarantee there is no "statistical correlation" between consuming too many calories in one meal and violent behavior. Yet, every elected official on earth wants to monitor and limit some type of caloric intake. Does anyone else find it odd that McDonald's is required to list every gram of fat in a Happy Meal but ESA doesn't have to list the number of horrific, murderous acts in their video games? Once again, I find that you humans have your priorities completely screwed up. It's okay to let kids spend hours in their room simulating hundreds of violent acts as long as their soda is smaller that 16 ounces and there's no saturated fat in their diet. Yup. Makes perfect sense to me!
Po

You Just Can't Make This Up!

Hello My Dear Friends. You're about to get very angry. We've talked at length about the sequestration (I know, I said I wouldn't use that word again)! Anyway, now that it has taken affect and we're being told of all the horror it will eventually wreak. With that it mind, I find it incredibly interesting that the White House is actually HIRING! That's right. While the U.S. Department of Agriculture is announcing that they will be forced to furlough meat and poultry inspectors, they've posted 12 job openings for "interns". These "interns" will make $24 dollars an hour! That's nothing. A little further digging turned up job openings (84 in all) for various government departments. You'll be interested to know that, while the TSA is threatening to layoff airport inspectors, NASA is advertising for an intern position that pays over $83,000 a year. Here's the qualifications listed:
Applicants must have at least a 2.9 grade point average – a solid B grade -- be at least 16 years old and enrolled in an accredited college or university on at least a half-time basis.
Only the best and brightest for NASA! The National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration has an intern position that pays up to $62,000 a year. A "student intern" at the Department of Health and Human Services can expect to earn $61,000.  Overall, various government agencies have posted 2700 federal job openings in the last 10 DAYS alone! Yup. We can't afford tours of the White House, food inspectors or airport security but we can pay a 16 year old, part-time student $83,000 a year. I wonder who the Prez is going to blame this one on!
Po
p.s. If you're looking for a job, may I suggest USAJobs.gov

Where to Begin!

Hello My dear Friends. Do you see what they did to my head? This is the kind of crap I endure daily. Let me begin by apologizing for my lengthy absence. I know how lost this world is without my guidance. Case on point: We learn that, while the White House has cancelled public tours to save money, the First Family spent $100,000 to fly First Dog Bo home early from his Hawaiian vacation so he could partake in a photo op at PetSmart with the President. You can't make this stuff up people. Next, I see a lovely story about a Washington state "mother" who thought it would be funny to videotape her 22-month old baby swapping his bottle for a BONG! Hysterical! She is now in custody. The baby and her 5 year old were taken into protective custody. The "mother", 24-year old Rachelle Braaten, now says it probably wasn't funny. You think? When the police went to the home, by the way, they also found 40 pot plants and an illegal weapon. I, for one, am shocked! Finally, all eyes are on The Vatican, while the Papal Conclave selects a new Pope. I have several thoughts on this. First, I believe the next Pope will be Leonardo Sandri of Argentina. Vegas odds put Sadri at 15-1 so, in the true spirit of the Catholic Church, I dropped a c-note on him. American Timothy Dolan went off at 33-1. The favorite is Italian Angelo Scola at 2-1. Sacrilege? Perhaps but Hey, you never know. It's my understanding that the Cardinals pray for guidance and then vote. I can't help but wonder, if God is guiding their decision, wouldn't they all vote for the same person? I mean, is God telling one Cardinal one thing and telling others something else? Why would he mess with them like that? Let's ponder that for a moment. Finally (today) Mark Kelly, husband of former U. S. Rep Gabby Giffords, was seen purchasing an AR15 assault rifle and a 45 caliber handgun one day before he led the charge at a gun control rally. Kelly, who has always been a gun owner, says it's not hypocrisy. He says he purchased the weapons to gain "first hand knowledge" on how the process worked. He then turned the assault weapon over to Arizona police. Here's the kicker. In Arizona, voluntarily relinquished weapons are considered "assets" and are "liquidated" to help balance the budget. That means that the weapon Kelly bought and ceremoniously turned over to police will, inevitably, end up on the street in someone else's hands. Kelly has a Masters Degree in aeronautical engineering, meaning he is literally a rocket scientist! Just goes to show you, even the smartest people can do pretty stupid things!
Po

Maybe It's The Catnip Talking

Hello My Dear Friends! Today is day 2 of my Birthday Celebration! Last night was the family dinner. The Cat Cake that the captor made for me was, well, disgusting. Only The Biz and the Big Dumb Dog would eat it and, well, they'll eat anything! So the captors will really have to rally tonight to salvage this fiasco. More on that next time. While I wait for whatever surprise is in store for me tonight, and after a healthy dose of catnip, I had a few thoughts I feel the need to share. First, Congresswoman Maxine Waters (D. CA) is agruably the dumbest woman in politics and, perhaps, the entire nation. Example: Waters stated that the "S word I will not speak" will cost this Country 170 million jobs. LOL! Considering there are currently only about 136 million jobs in America, according to Waters, everyone in America will lose their job and about 40 million people will lose their job twice. Bear in mind that Waters is the ranking democrat on the House Financial Services Committee. And people wonder why this Country is in trouble! Second, the father of a 9 year old Boston area "rapper" is being investigated for child abuse and neglect. Why? Because his boy, known as "Lil Poopy" has a video out where he (the 9 year old) raps about using cocaine while he is seen gambling and engaging in sexually suggestive behavior with grown women. The dad, Luis Rivera, says "he isn't doing anything wrong. He's acting". Father of the year? Probably not.  Third, is it just me or is Justin Bieber looking more and more like a lesbian every day?

Seriously. Who is dressing him? Finally, last night's season premiere of Duck Dynasty on A&E drew more viewers than American Idol. I don't know what to do with that but it needed to be shared. The times they are a changin'. Raise a glass to me tonight my friends and have a safe and restful weekend!

Po