Don't Read This. It's Depressing.

Hello My Dear Friends! You don't take direction very well, do you? I say 'don't read this' and here you are. Well rebel child, you've been warned.  As many of you know, the Captor lost her Mama a few months ago. I, personally, was literally ripped from the teat of my Mama at the tender age of 8 weeks and swept away to this Godforsaken prison! But, that's my cross to bear. This is about the Captor, who, by the way, was the one who kidnapped me! Sorry. I can't help myself. I'm bitter. I admit it. Anyway, I sat with the Captor today as she was missing her Mama. Grieving, like anything else, is a process. We've all heard about the "7 stages of grief". No two people grieve the same but, if I had to guess, I would put the Captor at Stage 4, depression and reflection. Grief is a strange emotion. It's not like anger, where you can scream it out. Grief comes in waves. You never know what is going to trigger it or what your physical response to it will be. Sometimes it's tears, sometimes it's physical pain, sometimes it's just an overwhelming feeling of emptiness. You can't help but wonder when it is going to end but, at the same time, you're afraid to let it go. It seems like moving on would somehow be unfair; a betrayal of sorts. It isn't, I know, but we can rarely control such feelings. Well meaning friends and loved ones offer comfort by saying things will get better. Of course they will. But that doesn't really help right now. It's funny how your mind wanders to once forgotten places. Long gone memories of childhood return as vividly as yesterday's front page. It's comforting and incredibly sad at the same time. That's grief, I guess. It's a mash up of emotions that you can't separate or control. It's happy memories clouded by despair. It's a stream of 'what if's' and 'I wish I had's'. It's a feeling of helplessness, knowing things can't be changed but still wanting so badly to change them. It's frustration and confusion. It's a nagging feeling that you've forgotten to do something and then remembering that there's no need to do it anymore. It's regret. You think about all of the times you were "just too busy" with your own life to make time for them. You think of all of the excuses you made to get out of going back home because you just "weren't in the mood". Now, you think about what you would give to have that time back. You think about how you would get annoyed by hearing the same stories over and over again, and what you would give now to hear those stories one more time. It's inconceivable. How does life slip by so quickly? Hours turn into days; days into years. Sometimes we get so wrapped up in the minutia of life that we lose sight of what makes life worth living. Someone said once that you can judge a good life by how many people loved you. I think that's a pretty good gauge. I'm going to think about that more often. Well, you've hung around this long so here's the kicker. Do you know what brought all this on today? Zucchini. Yup. Zucchini. Who remembers a loved one with summer squash? The Captor, that's who. I can't explain it, I can just say it's better than cabbage. No one remembers a loved one with cabbage. Do they?
Po