Going Air Mail?

Hello my dear friends. Did you have a tough day at work? Is your job getting more stressful by the day? Do you find yourself daydreaming about what you would do if you won the lottery and could quit your job? Have you memorized the "shove it" speech you'll give the boss when you're able? We've all been there. I know, you're thinking "Not you PoKitty! You're living the dream". But, my friends, let me tell you that I too want to just chuck it some days. I can't help but wonder what happened that led the airline industry change places with the post office. Due to the growing number of airline employees freaking out, the phrase "going postal" no longer seems relevant.  So I thought it was time to do a little brainstorming, get ahead of the trend and come up with the newest euphemism for flipping out at work. I'm just spitballing here but I was thinking "Flying off the runway" or "Going Airborne". How about "flipped her flotation device" or "lost his luggage"? Maybe " Took a Wing Dinger". I admit it needs a little work. In the end John and Jane Q. Public will decide. One thing I know for sure. The fine women and men of the U.S. Postal Service will be first in line with suggestions!
Po

I'd Laugh if it Weren't So Sad!

Hello my dear friends. Just when I thought you people couldn't get any more out of control you exceed my expectations! The New York City Department of Education has come out with a list of words they want removed from all standardized testing. The words and phrases in question could be "upsetting" to some students. Now, you're probably thinking this list consists of politically incorrect terms or slang. You would be wrong. The list includes words like "dinosaur" and "birthday". What? That's right. You see "dinosaur" suggests evolution and could be upsetting to creationists. "Birthday" is so happy when you're a Jehovah's Witness and don't celebrate birthdays. How about "hurricane" or any natural disaster? Yup, banned! "Animal shelter"? Nope, can't use it. It may be too traumatic. Also on the list, "celebrity" (might make kids jealous); "poverty" (bad for the self esteem). "Hunting". "divorce" and "homelessness" also made the list! The NYC DOE also wants to nix any mention of or reference to...

Homes with swimming pools; Expensive gifts or vacations; Sports that require prior knowledge; Computers in the home (it's okay to mention computers in school); death and disease, junk food and rock and roll music! There's more! My friends, this is only a partial list! The people who came up with this concept, let alone this list, need to be drug tested immediately. I would call them Goobers but that would be an insult to Goobers everywhere. I would call this Political Correctness Gone Wild, but it's so far beyond even that! It's insanity disguised as leadership. It's uber inclusion to the point of isolation. Either or; all or nothing; everyone or no one. What is wrong with people! Just because I observe Christmas and you observe Yom Kippur now means neither one of us can discuss either? I'm getting myself all upset again! Here's the complete list:

Banned Word List

This is why I am here people. This is why I do what I do. Because I firmly believe that humans are no longer capable of running this world! Look at the MESS you're making of things! It's like a cancer, oops, sorry, that's on the list. It's an abuse (nope, list). It's a crime the (list). It's like the bottom of the 9th (sorry, sports analogy). It's like they're running away with (damn, list). It's an attack (nope) assault (banned) war on (sorry) Let me put it this way, if life were a video game Are you Serious? Television? RATS! rats are vermin, vermin is banned) What? I can't take it anymore! What's left to say? How about Censorship? Is that banned? Well, not yet anyway.

Po  (sorry, could be slang for poor and that's banned)

Princess (implies wealth, banned) Otahdodah Kitty

Dumb Dog Dance

Hello my dear friends. The captors have just returned from a visit to the Grandparents. They, of course, take the Big, Dumb Dog with them. They call her the "Granddog"! Ridiculous, right? Anyway, the dog gets so excited she dances around like a Goober. I offer you exhibit A:

We, the feline population of this prison, NEVER get to go to this "Grandma's House". Apparently "Grandma" doesn't like Kitties! What kind of person doesn't like Kitties? It's crazy! You can bet that, if we were invited, we wouldn't act all goofy like that dog. Say it with me friends, "Dogs drool, Kitties Rule!
Po

A near Cat-astrophe

Hello. Yes, my beauty does transcend time and space. Let's move on! I am a pretty agile Kitty. I can jump and climb with the best of them but, the story of Sugar the Cat, amazed even me! Sugar fell (or jumped) from a 19 story window and walked (or limped) away! Seriously, nearly 200 feet! She landed in a tiny pile of mulch, surrounded by concrete, in Boston! Now, if I were surrounded by Bostonians (probably Red Sox fans) I too would have jumped off a high rise first chance I got! Sugar's goober captor left the window open because it was hot. Don't they have screens is Boston? How uncivilized are these people?  Anyway, Sugar is going to be okay!

Sugar Story

She left quite an impression! God speed Sugar and, to your captor, BUY A SCREEN you F#@%$&*#% Goober!
Sway

T-T-T-Tebow and the Jets!

Hello my dear friends. I'm sure that you've heard that Tim Tebow has been traded from the Denver Broncos to the New York Jets! As a Bills fan, I am thrilled by this. Praise the Lord and pass the media frenzy! This deal was unique in many ways. Most notably, it makes the Denver Broncos the first team in NFL history to sacrifice a virgin in their quest for a Superbowl Ring! In exchange for Tebow the Jets gave the Broncos 50 bucks, two also-ran draft picks, and a bag of chips. A steep price to pay for what they're getting but hey, you never know. In response to the news that the Jets had acquired Tebow, current Jets quarterback Mark Sanchez was overheard saying "Whew, I was afraid they were shopping for a quarterback"!  Now, Jets management is encouraging Tim to live in New Jersey, away from the "temptations of the big city". LOL! New York City is no place for a young, God fearing man. They're afraid he'll hook up with the wrong people. Like the Kardashians! One bar in Midtown has already created a new "No Sex On The Beach" drink just for Tim! I have to tell you friends, as far as blatant publicity stunts go, this has to rank in the top three!

LMFTO! (Laughing My Furry Tail Off)

Po

No means No!

Hello my dear friends. I have a horrifying story to tell you! Yesterday afternoon, right in the middle of my midday nap, I was scooped up by the captor and thrown into her vehicle! I knew immediately I was on my way to the torture chamber known as "the vet's office". My personal physician, Dr. Liz Dole, was waiting for me with her needles, tubes and other terrible instruments. I know her main purpose in this world is to care for me and keep my diabetes in check but josh darn it, her place sucks! Oh, they're all sweet and caring in front of the captor but, as soon as they whisk me into their back room, they stick me with needles, clip my nails and tap my bladder like a keg! Geez. How much is one Kitty expected to take? Anyway, back to my initial point. After the captor locked me in the car I repeatedly said "No" and "Don't"! I can prove it too!

No, I do not ride in a carrier. I absolutely refuse to be caged! In spite of my clear objection, I was taken anyway! This is simply outrageous! I'm outraged! Does anyone know a good lawyer? (Hehehe, good lawyer! I believe that's what they call an oxymoron!) Does anyone know how to contact Nancy Grace?
Po

Music to MY ears!

Hello my dear friends. On-going research shows that captives (or pets as you choose to call them) do, in fact, like music but not that noise that you listen to.  Researcher Charles Snowdon has decided that captives like "species specific" music. That would be music that matches the pitches, tones and tempos that are familiar to each species.  Now, I got bored before I read the entire article because, about half way through I found the crux of the research and the conclusion. It seems Mr. Snowdon and company produce and SELL species specific music. What great luck! There's is nothing better than doing years of research to determine that the world truly needs something that only you provide! What are the odds of that? Anyway, I believe Mr. Snowdon concluded that humans, living with the unbearable guilt that they are holding us captive, will buy anything they believe will make our imprisoned lives a little better! His website, "Music for Cats" has some of the most ear splitting noise you've ever heard for only $1.99 per song. Good luck to you Mr. Snowdon and all of the other "scientists" and "researchers" out there trying to improve the life of the captive. Well my dear friends, if you are going to spend $1.99 for a song to soothe your captive, trust me on this one, cats perfer Adele!
Po