Hey Santa...Just Say NO!

Hello my dear friends.  I was just reading a fascinating article in the New York Times. It was about the famous Santa School (Michigan's Charles W. Howard Santa Claus School) and how this year's class of Santa's are being told, in these tough financial times, to 'size up the family's financial situation and lower kids' expectations'. Picture this..."Ho Ho Ho, hello little Jimmy! I'll bet you've been a good boy. What can Santa bring you this Christmas?"  "Well Santa, I've been really good and I want an XBox 360!"  "Ho Ho Ho Jimmy, does your house have wheels on it? Perhaps you'd enjoy this nice wooden stick even more!"  NEXT!  "What's your name little girl? Madison? Would you like an XBox 360?"  NEXT!  This has amazing potential!
"Oooh a new Kindle Fire.  Does Daddy always dress like that or does he sometimes wear a tie? I see. Here's a library card. You'll get a lot more use out of that." NEXT!  "I'm sorry Malia, not even Santa can pull that off. You'll all have to move next January." (You'll get that in a minute and laugh). NEXT! "Are those Jimmy Choo's mommy's wearing? Why, you can have anything you want little girl! Ho Ho Ho." After all, if we can count on Santa to lower a kid's expectations, who can we turn to? So, Santa's of the world, if you don't want to be the one to break little Virginia's heart, let's just stick with "Santa will do the best he can," and let mom and dad handle the rest!
Good Luck to You All!
Po
here's a link to the article 
http://www.nytimes.com/2011/11/28/us/santas-taught-new-lessons-amid-economic-slump.html?_r=1&scp=5&sq=santa&st=cse  

It may seem Saintly...Butt

Hello people. Yes, I am the most beautiful Kitty you've ever seen. Please, move on. As you may know, Jesus and I were both born at Christmas so we have this simpatico thing going on. I do not judge those who claim to see Jesus in odd places, foods or rocks. I simply offer you the latest "sighting"...

You make the call!
Sway

Ho Ho Ho My Goodness!

Hello my dear friends! The captors went to the Land of Grandma for a Thanksgiving meal and returned with a fresh haul of G-Nip! All of the captives raced to the container, hoping to be the first to get theirs!  It was chaos! So, in what is apparently true human Christmas spirit, I trampled them, fired several shots into the air and then sprayed the kitchen with pepper spray! Oh Happy Day!

I got what I wanted before anyone else! After all, isn't that what Christmas is all about? What a joyous way to begin the season of giving and peace on earth!
Much Love,
Po

Brrrreaking Holiday Dumbass News

Hello my dear friends. With Thanksgiving quickly approaching, I thought I'd share this bit of knowledge with you. Deep frying turkey, on average, results in 5 deaths, 60 injuries and $15 million in property damage EVERY YEAR! The vast majority of these fires begin with, of course, The Dumbass Factor.  That would be seemingly intelligent people putting frozen turkey in boiling oil. If you're old enough to operate a deep fryer, you should be old enough to know that water and boiling oil do not mix.  Not only don't they mix, they pretty much explode! So, if you really feel the need to deep fry your turkey this year, thaw the damn thing first, dry it off completely and, for the love of God, do it outside, away from your house! People! Just to recap...WRONG.....

RIGHT...

Be safe my friends!
Po

Here We Go Again!

This time of year is VERY difficult for the doggie of a Bills Fan!  Why? Because it's barely noon and the people are all ready uptight.  "Not now Anya"; "Mama's busy right now Anya"; Geez. like it's my fault the Bills are in the midst of the annual meltdown! I'm doing my part. I've got the stupid jersey on, which, by the way, is uncomfortable. Pretty soon we'll have a house full of people, shouting and jumping around. *Note to self: Watch your tail*. They always start out happy but then....well, if you're a football fan you know.  Most people like Dolphins. They're very smart. Around here, people want to squish them. Yikes! I don't know what that's all about. Anyway, another football Sunday, another afternoon of cursing and pouting. I just don't get it. If you want to sit around a TV and get angry, why not just watch Fox News or C-Span?  Same affect.
Anya

TGIF

Hello my dear friends. Thank God it's Friday. It's been a long week and I always looks forward to our Friday Kitty Hour. It's makes us happy!  A little cat grass. A little catnip. Maybe a rousing game of "bag".

Who doesn't love Bag? The goal is simple. Trap the dumb one in the bag and make them beg for their freedom.

Oh Yeah! I win again. That goofy Sway falls for my spin move every time! Anyway, It's time for a little more catnip and, perhaps, a pre-bedtime nap! Oh yes, and this...

Total mind freak, right!

Po

Who Knew?

Hello my dear friends. I was sent a very amusing e-mail today. Forgive me if you've seen it.

STUFF YOU DIDN'T KNOW YOU DIDN'T KNOW

Every day more money is printed for Monopoly than the U.S.  Treasury. 

Men can read smaller print than women can; women can hear better. 

Coca-Cola was originally green.

It is impossible to lick your elbow. 

The State with the highest percentage of people who walk to work:  Alaska

The percentage of Africa that is wilderness: 28%
(now get this...)

The percentage of  North America that is wilderness: 38% 

The cost of raising  a medium-size dog to the age of eleven:  $ 16,400

The average number of people airborne over the U.S. in any given
hour:  61,000

Intelligent people have more zinc and copper in their hair..

The first novel ever written on a typewriter, Tom Sawyer.

The San Francisco Cable cars are the only mobile National Monuments.

Each king in a deck of playing cards represents a great king from history:
Spades - King David; Hearts – Charlemagne; Clubs -Alexander, the Great 
Diamonds - Julius Caesar

111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987, 654,321

If a statue in the park of a person on a horse has both front legs in the air, the person died in battle.
If the horse has one front leg in the air, the person died because of wounds received in battle.
If the horse has all four legs on the ground, the person died of natural causes 

Only two people signed the Declaration of Independence e on July 4, John Hancock and Charles Thomson. Most of the rest signed on August 2, but the last signature wasn't added until 5 years later.

Half of all Americans live within 50 miles of Their birthplace 

Most boat owners name their boats. What is the most popular boat name
requested?  Obsession

Q.. If you were to spell out numbers, how far would you have to go until you
would find the letter 'A'?  A. One thousand 

Po

Recession. What recession?

Hello my dear friends.  I just read the most fascinating article. It said that Americans are expected to spend 50 billion dollars this year on their pets. That's billion with a "B". My first thought, of course, is what the hell are you people spending all that money on? Why am I, and my fellow captors, not reaping any of the benefits of this wild spending spree?

Yes, it is true that I am an insulin diabetic, requiring two shots daily. I do understand that medication, supplies and doctors visits can be a little expensive. Okay, so I can't eat food with filler because of my condition but $50 billion.  Seriously? This can't possibly be true. That's over $4 billion a month!

A story like that leads the reader to believe that people are out spending money willy-nilly on all sorts of ridiculous and unnecessary things. Like people just run around throwing money at every little thing they see.

If that were true, this prison would be filled with fun, warm and cool places to play.  Believe me, it isn't! 

Okay, yes, I have a throne. I deserve one. I'm a Princess! That is not extravagant. That's a necessity. And it surely didn't cost that much. Anyway, I stand by my initial reaction. I believe the article took liberties with the amount. $50 billion dollars a year! That's impossible.

What could you possibly spend that much money on?

Po

Rare signs of Intelligence

Hello my dear friends! Today was a rare day for me. Today I overheard my captor actually say something interesting! Usually all I hear is blah, blah, blah. If you know the captors, you know what I'm saying. Anyway, the loud captor was commenting on how the English language has so gone to hell that no one even seems to care anymore. Bad grammar has become the norm. I couldn't care less about the average person (note I said I couldn't care less. How many people say I could care less. I believe that is the opposite of what you mean). As a purebred, I am amazed at how often people who are paid to speak don't actually know what they're saying. I heard a woman on the news say that "police confirmed that the victim 'drowned to death' ".  If I weren't a kitty, I would have called to tell her that the victim may have "drown". I don't believe "drowned" is a word and, since drown means to die by suffocation in liquid, the whole "to death" thing is a bit redundant. There is no War on Terror. Terror is an emotion. We can not fight a war on terror anymore than we can fight a war on anxiety. The War is on Terrorism! We don't move "towards" anything.  The word is toward. Trust me. Nothing happens "afterwards". It's afterward. Seriously, it is. I know that many on-line dictionaries list these "variations" as actual words but that doesn't make it so. Irregardless is not a word.  The word is regardless or irrespective (if you're trying to impress someone). I "imply"; you "infer". You can not dress warm or drive safe. You can dress warmly. You can drive safely. You're not real cold; you're really cold. Hopefully, this will work. No! I hope this will work. I'm on a roll now! "Literally" means exactly what you say. If someone tells you they are literally freezing to death, they probably are not. "Unique" means one of a kind. Saying something is very unique means that you don't know what "unique means. Vigilant means "to be on watch". You can't be "more vigilant anymore than you can be "more full". Wow! I'm feeling better already! "Save up to 50% and more!" You can't save "up to" 50% and more. You can save up to 50% or more. You can't try and save money. You can try to save money. I'm bringing it home, (paws don't fail me now). Irony is an outcome contrary to expectation, opposite the literal meaning. Rain on your wedding day is unfortunate, it's not ironic. The inventor of the Vespa riding off a cliff is sad, maybe funny, but not ironic. "soft as concrete" or "dry as the ocean" are examples of irony. "A free ride when you've already paid" is an example of a song writer who doesn't know what irony is.
Po

Ho Ho Hold on there buddy!

Hello my dear friends. If you are planning to travel over Christmas you may want to hold off on wrapping any gifts you're bringing.  The TSA says it can and will open any wrapped gifts you try to carry on the plane. He was, of course arrested. It all stems from a Goober at LAX in California who had the brilliant idea to gift wrap his reefer and carry it on the plane. TSA officials say people try to "smuggle" illegal items on to the plane, like weapons, by gift wrapping them. So, they say, be prepared.  If they feel your wrapped package looks suspicious, they'll unwrap it. Now, I don't know about you, but I frequently give weapons as Christmas gifts! Grandma is still raving about last year's brass knuckles. And, what says Peace on Earth better than a switchblade? If I wake up on Christmas morning and don't find at least one explosive in my stocking I feel cheated.  Don't you? Since traveling on the Holidays is always an easy, breezy, stress-free time, this tiny inconvenience may create a delay or two. This can all be avoided, of course, if you pack your presents and check them with your luggage. Just don't go over that 50 pound luggage limit.  That'll cost you.  You can pack them in a second bag but that'll cost you even more. Quite a dilemma.  You could ship your Christmas presents ahead but, that too rules out weapons. Sorry Grandpa, no Glock this year. Can't send weapons through the mail. So, what is a kitty to do? Here are a few suggestions to make Holiday travel a little easier for everyone. First, don't be a moron. It's not just the airlines that make air travel such a pain.  It's you "Mr. & Mrs. 4 giant carry-on bags 'cause I don't want to pay $30". And you Mr. (or Mrs.) "I can't be in the air for an hour without devouring a Big Mac or onion sandwich". And you Mr. (or Mrs.) "how far can I push this seat back before I'm actually sitting with the person behind me". Sorry to drone on, you get my point. People suck! I was once on a flight where this genius decided to polish her nails! On an airplane! Uhm, you know that smells, right? Second, don't try to "sneak things" on the plane. You know what you can and can't carry on a plane. Don't hold the rest of us up because you think you just can't live without your metal nail file. Trust me, you can. Finally, if the security agent asks you to do something, just do it. Open it, take it off, lift it up, step aside, leave it behind, whatever. Don't argue. You're not going to win. You're just going to prolong the process. It may seem unreasonable. It may be unreasonable but hey, keep your eye on the goal. There's no place like home for the Holidays! Let's all just get there safely.
Po

Smelly Dog Update

Hello my dear friends! In case you haven't heard, our big, dumb dog (Hundred Pounds of Stupid) got herself Skunked! She's such a GOOBER! 8 years old and she can't tell the difference between a kitty and a skunk!

I did think it was a kitty. I thought it was a kitty who wanted to play with me! Turns out it wasn't a kitty and it really did not want to play! Who knew? Boy, did I stink! *Note to self: Strange black and white kitties in the backyard should be avoided!*  I had to have 3 baths. 3! First the people tried just washing me off. Waste of time and water. Then they tried vinegar and water.  That did not work. Finally, after a quick internet search it was back in the tub with a mixture of baking soda, peroxide and soap.  That did the trick! Unfortunately, I now have a whole new set of nicknames from the kitties. "Skunkerdoodle", "Stinkbomb" and "Dumbass" to name a few.  Oh well, live and learn I guess! Also, I've learned that, after being skunked, it's a really bad idea to jump on the people's couch and bed! That really seems to tick them off. I had to remind them that I was the victim here. They seemed to lose sight of that. Anyway, all is well this morning. I'm back to smelling like a big dog again. Life is good! Go Bills!
Anya

Train Wrecks

Yo! It's me, Sway. Two train wrecks in one city, in one day!  What are the odds of that? First, a train carrying propane and soy beans, of all things, rolls off the tracks on Syracuse's southside, closing down the highway and jamming up traffic for miles.  Luckily, no one was injured and the price of edamame remains the same. They were able to right the cars overnight without incident and all was well with the world.  But, that's not the story. While fire, hazmat and emergency crews dealt with the first train wreck another one was occurring less than a mile north! That's right! While crews were securing a volatile propane tanker (and a car full of soy), the Syracuse Orange was derailing right up the hill! Talk about a train wreck! Let's compare...
The propane had not yet been treated so it was odorless.  The Orange stunk. The propane tanker was righted in about 12 hours. The Orange...well, that remains to be seen, but let's just say significantly longer. The first train was also carrying a valuable load of soy beans. The Orange also has the basketball team.  Okay, we'll give them that one! Finally, in the first train wreck the engineer was found to be not responsible....
Later,
Sway

God Bless the U.S.A.

Hello my dear friends!  Today is Veterans Day.  I would like to thank all of the brave men and women who have served this Nation, proudly and honorably. Thank you all for the freedoms we take for granted each day, like the simple freedom to blog, Facebook or Tweet. Thank you for the freedom to say what we think and, if we choose, to sleep in a park on Wall Street! This is the point where I would normally quote my personal idol, Ronald Reagan, but I see my captor beat me to that on her FB page, so I will instead quote Lee Greenwood:
If tomorrow all the things were gone,
I'd worked for all my life.
And I had to start again,
with just my children and my wife.
I'd thank my lucky stars,
to be livin here today.
‘Cause the flag still stands for freedom,
and they can't take that away.
And I'm proud to be an American,
where at least I know I'm free.
And I wont forget the one's who died,
who gave that right to me.
And I gladly stand up,
next to you and defend her still today.
‘Cause there ain't no doubt I love this land,
God bless the USA.
Thank you to all those who have served and those who are now serving. You are always in our Prayers!
Po

Brrrrrreaking Alaska News

Hello my dear friends. I was just reading about the nasty storm that whipped through Alaska yesterday! They're calling it a "Snowicane" because of the 65 + MPH winds and blinding snow.  Yikes! And I though lake effect sucked!  Because of the storm and subsequent storm surge the People of Nome had to evacuate and head for higher ground.  I've spoken to some of them and they assure me that they are fine and are just waiting for the go-ahead to head back home...

Good to hear. Good luck to all of you Gnomes (even the one with his drawers down)!
Po

We're Organized and We're Not Leaving

Hello my dear friends.  Get ready. We're calling it "Occupy Bedroom" and we're in it for the long haul! Although it has been unseasonably warm during the daylight hours, it's cold in here at night! Really Cold! Well, we're tired of it. So, we've taken over the captor's bedroom and we're not leaving. We've come prepared too.

We've got our tent and a laptop to keep the media updated on our anger, our social disconnect and our continually changing message. We've even got the Big, Dumb Dog on our side, sort of...

God, sh'e such a Goober!  Anyway, you've been warned captors! We're cold as heck and we're not going to take it anymore! Turn up the heat or we will!
Po

All the Signs are There

Hello my dear friends.  Halloween was just over a week ago. Thanksgiving is a little over two weeks away. Why then, we must ask ourselves, are there Christmas decorations everywhere? There's Christmas music on the radio (one sad and very desperate little station), the department stores are wall to wall Christmas! Don't get me wrong, nobody loves Christmas more than I! *Just a note for those of you who are new to my blog. We celebrate Christmas. We wish people a Merry Christmas. We don't do "Happy Holidays" here. We have nothing but respect for other religions, beliefs and celebrations but we don't observe them. We observe Christmas here. Nativity scene and all! With that said, it's a little early for the festivities to begin. If we keep moving the beginning of the season earlier and earlier we're going to have to put our pumpkins in evergreen trees!  Can we please get through Thanksgiving before we start decorating for Christmas? While I'm at it, when we decorate for Christmas, more is not necessarily better. When airplanes have to detour around your house for safety reasons, you've probably over done it.  I'm just saying! The Griswold's were a fictitious family. There is no reward for emulating them. So, let's tone it down a bit folks. Also (and finally) if your neighbor pulls their Prius into the driveway of a home lined with 50 thousand lights and a dozen 8 foot inflatables, please do not hesitate to point out the hypocrisy of it all!  Thank You!
Po

Who's Afraid of the Big Bad Dog

Hello my dear friends. I don't know about you but I find it very difficult living with a dog!  Our dog is big and goofy and, quite frankly, I think she smells funny. Unfortunately I don't get a say on the number or species of inmates at this prison. There is an upside though.  Dogs are warm. HPS (hundred pounds of stupid) can throw heat with the best of them.  This is why, sometimes, we have to turn to the dog when the captors refuse to turn up the heat! I know what you're thinking 'dog and cats living together'.  I believe Dr. Peter Venkman listed that as one of the signs of the apocalypse! (congrats to you if you got the Ghostbusters reference). Anyway, a cat's got to do what a cat's got to do.

Ahhhhhh. Dog heat! You really can't beat it.  Okay, one more just for fun

Go Bills!
Po

It's a Catnip Kinda Day!

There is nothing better than fresh catnip after a long day. The captors have access to the BEST catnip! It comes from a strange land called ""Grandpa's House". I don't know where that is but the captors go there ofter. Sometimes, when they return, they bring a box full of beautiful, wonderful, fresh catnip.  We call it "G-Nip" (for Grandpa's nip) and it is awesome! We all love it...as you can see!

We take turns in our box of nip heaven until we're all sufficiently buzzed.  There is one drawback to that though...This is your mind...

This is your mind on nip.....

Total mind freak right? This is why you have to pace yourself!  I'm always telling the girls that nip must be used in moderation but, when it's just sitting there, calling your name....anyway, I need a nap.  Yes, a couple of Friskies crunchies and a nap! Later.
Po

Heeeeeeere's Anya!

Hello my friends!  You've met all of the feline captives in this prison. Now, I feel obligated to introduce you to our lone canine inmate, Anya Fanya Poopalotta! We call her Hundred Pounds of Stupid, but you can call her Anya.

Hi! I'm Anya, the enforcer, and it's my job to protect this house!  I don't really care for that job since loud noises, the dark, strangers, shadows, birds, bugs, squirrels, Consequella and various other things scare the tar out of me! I'm still brave though. Mama calls me the bravest dog behind two panes of glass! Whatever that means.  Anyway, I love Kitties!  Especially MY Kitties! They're the best buddies any dog could have.  I love to eat their food, before and after they've eaten it! They let me chase them around the house.  I haven't actually caught one of them yet but I do hope to one day. I also love to play! "rock" is my favorite game.  That's when I find a rock in the yard, throw it, find it and throw it again.  What fun! I also love cookies, sleeping on beds, going for rides in the car (especially to Grandma and Grandpa's house), digging holes, unstuffing stuffed animals (brain first, always brain first) and used tissues. Just can't get enough of those used tissues. Yum! So that's pretty much me in a nut shell! I couldn't find a baby picture of me so Sway said I should show you a picture from when she I and first met...

She's always been so pushy!

Anya

Consequella, Come On Down

Hello Again.  Today I would like you to meet my baby sister Consequella Coonataila Beochalotta or Sway. She's a whole world of crazy, that one! I believe it has something to do with her kittyhood. You see, she was uhm, a less than attractive baby...

Yikes! I know, right? What a mess.  Fortunately, she's aging well.

What are you looking at? Are you mesmerized by my beauty? Of course you are. Who wouldn't be. If you keep looking at me, I'll cut you! It's how I roll. I was given claws for a reason. You annoy me, I'll cut you. Touch my belly, cut. You feel me? I'm in charge around here. I like cat nip and cutting people. I don't like loud noise, stupid people or being kissed on. NEVER kiss on me. I will really cut you then. Keep your people germs to yourself. I like climbing up really high and then jumping off. I believe I can fly. Favorite song, write it down! I was born on December 24th, so I like the big party everyone throws every year to celebrate the gift this world received.  I especially like the trees you all put up and decorate, and the presents. I like the presents a lot! I appreciate your efforts. I really do. There's less chance you'll be cut around my birthday unless you do something really stupid, like kiss on me. NEVER kiss on me. I may have mentioned that before but it bears repeating. It the coming days and weeks I will tell you all what it is that you're doing wrong, how to do it right, and how to get through this life without getting cut.  If you listen, we'll get along fine.  If you don't...

Sway