Politics at it's Finest

Hello my dear friends. I'm sorry you didn't win the Mega Millions jackpot. Or did you? If so, let's talk privately! If not, do not contact me. I'm busy! So, in this current economic climate we're all cutting back, pinching pennies, trying to make ends meet. We are also watching the United States Supreme Court, waiting for them to decide whether portions of Obamacare may be unconstitutional. While you and I wait to see how the high court rules, the Gubmint isn't letting any moss grow on them. Oh no! They are currently hiring 4000 new IRS agents to enforce the new health care laws that haven't even been enacted yet! The cost? Only 303 million dollars. That, of course, it just the start up cost. It's a steal, really. No need to add in the 4000 salaries, benefits and pension costs. The Gubmint did say we needed to create jobs. I just didn't think they meant they would be creating those jobs. At least someone is hiring! Washington, by the way, spends $25 billion dollars a year to maintain unused or vacant federal properties. Ouch! The census bureau spent $2.5 million for an ad during the Superbowl. Do you remember the ad? I didn't think so. The National Institutes of Health spent $800,000 in "stimulus funds" to study the impact of a "genital-washing program" in South Africa. I suspect the impact was cleaner genitals. Anyway, my point is that, in the big scheme of things, $303 million is a small price to pay to enforce a non-existent law. God bless America!
Po

Things that make you go Whaaat?

Hello my dear friends. I thought I would get a little nip buzz to ease myself into the weekend. I hope you'll do the same. Forbes Magazine did an article on the Most Overexposed Celebrities in America. The top 3 were Kim Kardashian, Lindsay Lohan and Snookie. Yup. Forbes Magazine wrote an article on the people they believe get too much media exposure. What? A man is suing Guinness Book of World Record. Why? To prevent them from naming him as the most litigious man in the world. Huh? A raging wild fire in Jefferson County Colorado has burned more than 4100 acres, claimed at least two lives and destroyed 27 homes. How did it start? The Colorado State Forest Service started it as "a controlled burn". Oops.  President Obama, speaking to a group in Tampa, Florida said "The Middle East is obviously an issue that has plagued the region for centuries". Um, what? Sharron Angle, a republican running for Senate in Nevada was speaking to a group of Hispanic high school students when she said "what we want is a sovereign and secure nation and, you know, I don't know that all of you are Latino. Some of you look a little more Asian to me. I don't know that". LOL! Excuse me? Finally people, as you may have heard, the Mega Millions jackpot is up to 640 Million dollars. Nearly 200 million tickets have been sold in the past two days. The number one conversation heard among people waiting in line to purchase their tickets was how they can no longer afford to fill their gas tank! You people crack me up!  Enjoy the Weekend!
Po

Abercrombie & Fitch are at it again!

Hello my dear friends. Well it's that time of year again. Time for clothing retailer Abercrombie & Fitch to create  outrage (and media buzz) with their latest advertising campaign. Who could forget last year's push up bra for nine year olds! Anyway, you clearly need a gimmick to convince someone to spend $60 on a polo shirt. You'll recall their "gimmick" back in the early 2000's was to put out a catalog filled with naked youth in sexual positions. Well, 2012 isn't far behind! You'll note that the one thing missing, as is the case in nearly all Abercrombie & Fitch advertising, is their clothing. Enjoy....
Latest A & F Ad
Good Grief!
Po

Going Air Mail?

Hello my dear friends. Did you have a tough day at work? Is your job getting more stressful by the day? Do you find yourself daydreaming about what you would do if you won the lottery and could quit your job? Have you memorized the "shove it" speech you'll give the boss when you're able? We've all been there. I know, you're thinking "Not you PoKitty! You're living the dream". But, my friends, let me tell you that I too want to just chuck it some days. I can't help but wonder what happened that led the airline industry change places with the post office. Due to the growing number of airline employees freaking out, the phrase "going postal" no longer seems relevant.  So I thought it was time to do a little brainstorming, get ahead of the trend and come up with the newest euphemism for flipping out at work. I'm just spitballing here but I was thinking "Flying off the runway" or "Going Airborne". How about "flipped her flotation device" or "lost his luggage"? Maybe " Took a Wing Dinger". I admit it needs a little work. In the end John and Jane Q. Public will decide. One thing I know for sure. The fine women and men of the U.S. Postal Service will be first in line with suggestions!
Po

I'd Laugh if it Weren't So Sad!

Hello my dear friends. Just when I thought you people couldn't get any more out of control you exceed my expectations! The New York City Department of Education has come out with a list of words they want removed from all standardized testing. The words and phrases in question could be "upsetting" to some students. Now, you're probably thinking this list consists of politically incorrect terms or slang. You would be wrong. The list includes words like "dinosaur" and "birthday". What? That's right. You see "dinosaur" suggests evolution and could be upsetting to creationists. "Birthday" is so happy when you're a Jehovah's Witness and don't celebrate birthdays. How about "hurricane" or any natural disaster? Yup, banned! "Animal shelter"? Nope, can't use it. It may be too traumatic. Also on the list, "celebrity" (might make kids jealous); "poverty" (bad for the self esteem). "Hunting". "divorce" and "homelessness" also made the list! The NYC DOE also wants to nix any mention of or reference to...

Homes with swimming pools; Expensive gifts or vacations; Sports that require prior knowledge; Computers in the home (it's okay to mention computers in school); death and disease, junk food and rock and roll music! There's more! My friends, this is only a partial list! The people who came up with this concept, let alone this list, need to be drug tested immediately. I would call them Goobers but that would be an insult to Goobers everywhere. I would call this Political Correctness Gone Wild, but it's so far beyond even that! It's insanity disguised as leadership. It's uber inclusion to the point of isolation. Either or; all or nothing; everyone or no one. What is wrong with people! Just because I observe Christmas and you observe Yom Kippur now means neither one of us can discuss either? I'm getting myself all upset again! Here's the complete list:

Banned Word List

This is why I am here people. This is why I do what I do. Because I firmly believe that humans are no longer capable of running this world! Look at the MESS you're making of things! It's like a cancer, oops, sorry, that's on the list. It's an abuse (nope, list). It's a crime the (list). It's like the bottom of the 9th (sorry, sports analogy). It's like they're running away with (damn, list). It's an attack (nope) assault (banned) war on (sorry) Let me put it this way, if life were a video game Are you Serious? Television? RATS! rats are vermin, vermin is banned) What? I can't take it anymore! What's left to say? How about Censorship? Is that banned? Well, not yet anyway.

Po  (sorry, could be slang for poor and that's banned)

Princess (implies wealth, banned) Otahdodah Kitty

Dumb Dog Dance

Hello my dear friends. The captors have just returned from a visit to the Grandparents. They, of course, take the Big, Dumb Dog with them. They call her the "Granddog"! Ridiculous, right? Anyway, the dog gets so excited she dances around like a Goober. I offer you exhibit A:

We, the feline population of this prison, NEVER get to go to this "Grandma's House". Apparently "Grandma" doesn't like Kitties! What kind of person doesn't like Kitties? It's crazy! You can bet that, if we were invited, we wouldn't act all goofy like that dog. Say it with me friends, "Dogs drool, Kitties Rule!
Po

A near Cat-astrophe

Hello. Yes, my beauty does transcend time and space. Let's move on! I am a pretty agile Kitty. I can jump and climb with the best of them but, the story of Sugar the Cat, amazed even me! Sugar fell (or jumped) from a 19 story window and walked (or limped) away! Seriously, nearly 200 feet! She landed in a tiny pile of mulch, surrounded by concrete, in Boston! Now, if I were surrounded by Bostonians (probably Red Sox fans) I too would have jumped off a high rise first chance I got! Sugar's goober captor left the window open because it was hot. Don't they have screens is Boston? How uncivilized are these people?  Anyway, Sugar is going to be okay!

Sugar Story

She left quite an impression! God speed Sugar and, to your captor, BUY A SCREEN you F#@%$&*#% Goober!
Sway

T-T-T-Tebow and the Jets!

Hello my dear friends. I'm sure that you've heard that Tim Tebow has been traded from the Denver Broncos to the New York Jets! As a Bills fan, I am thrilled by this. Praise the Lord and pass the media frenzy! This deal was unique in many ways. Most notably, it makes the Denver Broncos the first team in NFL history to sacrifice a virgin in their quest for a Superbowl Ring! In exchange for Tebow the Jets gave the Broncos 50 bucks, two also-ran draft picks, and a bag of chips. A steep price to pay for what they're getting but hey, you never know. In response to the news that the Jets had acquired Tebow, current Jets quarterback Mark Sanchez was overheard saying "Whew, I was afraid they were shopping for a quarterback"!  Now, Jets management is encouraging Tim to live in New Jersey, away from the "temptations of the big city". LOL! New York City is no place for a young, God fearing man. They're afraid he'll hook up with the wrong people. Like the Kardashians! One bar in Midtown has already created a new "No Sex On The Beach" drink just for Tim! I have to tell you friends, as far as blatant publicity stunts go, this has to rank in the top three!

LMFTO! (Laughing My Furry Tail Off)

Po

No means No!

Hello my dear friends. I have a horrifying story to tell you! Yesterday afternoon, right in the middle of my midday nap, I was scooped up by the captor and thrown into her vehicle! I knew immediately I was on my way to the torture chamber known as "the vet's office". My personal physician, Dr. Liz Dole, was waiting for me with her needles, tubes and other terrible instruments. I know her main purpose in this world is to care for me and keep my diabetes in check but josh darn it, her place sucks! Oh, they're all sweet and caring in front of the captor but, as soon as they whisk me into their back room, they stick me with needles, clip my nails and tap my bladder like a keg! Geez. How much is one Kitty expected to take? Anyway, back to my initial point. After the captor locked me in the car I repeatedly said "No" and "Don't"! I can prove it too!

No, I do not ride in a carrier. I absolutely refuse to be caged! In spite of my clear objection, I was taken anyway! This is simply outrageous! I'm outraged! Does anyone know a good lawyer? (Hehehe, good lawyer! I believe that's what they call an oxymoron!) Does anyone know how to contact Nancy Grace?
Po

Music to MY ears!

Hello my dear friends. On-going research shows that captives (or pets as you choose to call them) do, in fact, like music but not that noise that you listen to.  Researcher Charles Snowdon has decided that captives like "species specific" music. That would be music that matches the pitches, tones and tempos that are familiar to each species.  Now, I got bored before I read the entire article because, about half way through I found the crux of the research and the conclusion. It seems Mr. Snowdon and company produce and SELL species specific music. What great luck! There's is nothing better than doing years of research to determine that the world truly needs something that only you provide! What are the odds of that? Anyway, I believe Mr. Snowdon concluded that humans, living with the unbearable guilt that they are holding us captive, will buy anything they believe will make our imprisoned lives a little better! His website, "Music for Cats" has some of the most ear splitting noise you've ever heard for only $1.99 per song. Good luck to you Mr. Snowdon and all of the other "scientists" and "researchers" out there trying to improve the life of the captive. Well my dear friends, if you are going to spend $1.99 for a song to soothe your captive, trust me on this one, cats perfer Adele!
Po

NY Frog

Hello everyone! It's me, Anya. Have you heard about the new species of frog discovered in New York City? Yup, it's true. The people who study these things say the center of the frog's ranger is none other than Yankee Stadium in the Bronx. It's a type of Leopard Frog. Here's the photo.

I know, it looks like any old frog to me too but, apparently it is distinguished by it's unique croak. So, this is the first step in my quest to have this new species of frog officially named "The Jeter"! Come on people, rally with me! We want Derek the Frog! It could happen.
Anya
New frog story

Green Eggs and Beer

Hello my dear friends. In honor of Saint Patrick's Day and all of the joy and festivities that come with it, Dr. Seuss and I have collaborated on a little verse!
I am Po
Po my Dear
I do not like that damn green beer!
I do not like it in my house
I do not like it with a mouse
I would not drink it in a box
I would not drink it with a fox
I do not like that damn green beer
I do not like it
Po my dear.

In the spirit of the Irish, lift your glass and offer this toast:
May neighbors respect you, trouble neglect you, the angels protect you and heaven accept you.
Erin Go Bragh!
Po

I Pledge Allegiance to the Flag....

Hello my fellow Americans. Just when I thought I'd seen it all, a whole new world of Gooberism (Goober-ism: noun: any movement, ideology or attitude that promotes the agenda of Goobers!) arises! Earlier this week the Lake County (Florida) Democratic Party proudly displayed this flag outside of their headquarters:

When an offended 71-year old Veteran asked that they take it down because it violated the Federal Flag Code, the chairwoman of the party said "It what? The federal what?" The Veteran was told to leave or the police would be called. Instead, the Veteran sent pictures of the flag to Veterans' groups and delivered a copy of the Federal Flag Code to the goober in charge, who, upon pulling her head out of her derriere, had the flag removed. Now people, I'm really not sure which is worse, desecrating the American Flag or not knowing that you can't desecrate the American Flag. I also have to wonder how someone, who clearly knows very little about American laws and customs, rises to the rank of chairwoman of their county democratic party. So, for those of you aspiring to lead a political party or are simply an active proponent of Gooberism, the Federal Flag Code clearly states (section 8; subsection g):

"The flag should never have placed upon it, nor on any part of it, nor attached to it any mark, insignia, letter, word, figure, design, picture, or drawing of any nature".

FYI -  Federal Flag Code

Don't Panic! Flag desecration is no longer a crime. This is still America. In 1990 the Supreme Court ruled that anti-desecration laws were unconstitutional so, go ahead and burn that flag! Sew in a picture of your favorite leader! Mahmoud Ahmadinejad or Kim Jong-il perhaps! Why not? It's not like people actually fought or died protecting The Flag. Geez, it hasn't been changed since 1960 (when Hawaii, the final star, was added). Maybe Old Glory needs a face lift! Who needs all of those stars anyway? May I respectfully suggest:

Po

March Madness and other Nonsense

Hello my dear friends. Last night, before I retired for the evening, I flipped on the 11pm news to see if anything important had happened in the world. Apparently, it hadn't. I know this because the local news channel (which I will not identify but they are Everywhere) has "team coverage" of the "Breaking News" that Fab Melo would not be playing in the NCAA Tourney.  Team Coverage! Seriously? Now, I know that many people, my captor included, take local sports very seriously but, with all due respect, do we really need a "team" to cover a 48 word press release? That worked out to about 1 person for every 12 words. The world shattering event made up the top 5 news stories, all of them based on the same 48 word press release. They threw in "live coverage" of a reporter stopping people on the street to get their  reaction to the news! Oh My! "Are you disappointed"? "How do you think the Orange will do without Melo"? And, of course the most important question of the evening, "will you be changing your bracket"? Wow! Powerful stuff! That, of course, was followed by the "sports coverage" where they proceeded to repeat each and every news story. Riveting! I went to sleep confident that I knew all I needed to know to start my day off well informed. Thank goodness there wasn't a Presidential Primary, closing arguments in a landmark bias intimidation case, a fatal avalanche in Alaska or a tragic bus crash that killed 22 children to get in the way of what is truly important, a lazy college student who refused to do his homework! Nice job people. Nice job!
Po

The Prodigal Captors Return

Hello my dear friends. I'm sure you're wondering where I've been. Well, my captors fled the country and took my laptop with them! Yes, they do suck. They have finally returned from a land called the Dominican Republic. It apparently looks like this...

Big deal, right? You're lucky. I've been forced to look at hundreds of pictures. I won't bore you with those. Sway and I have subjected them to the "48 hours of silence" since their return. It's a Himmi thing. We don't acknowledge their return until 48 hours after they get home. It gives them time to think about the repercussions of abandoning their captives, especially on one's birthday! Oh, if you're wondering what they brought back for me, stop wondering. NOTHING! Not one dang thing. Yes, there will be more repercussions. Pawback is a beoch. Anyway, I'll share one more photo with you, only because the captives look like heck. That's their friend Sheryl with them in the pool bar. Goobers!

Yes, they are white girls who seek out the sun and then hide from it under clothing. What fun.
Po

Funny Stuff

Hello my dear friends. I am often sent things from my legion of fans and, sometimes, I like to share them with you. Here are two examples. This was sent to me by the captor's son, who we affectionately call The Boy.

Very entertaining stuff. This next one was sent to be my "anonymous" but clearly someone who knows me quite well.

LOL! How about this one!

Anyway, enjoy the weekend and, if you have something you thing you think will amuse me, e-mail it to me at:  PoKitty@clearchannel.com

Po

My Big Fat Birthday Bust!

Hello my dear friends. First, let me say how saddened we all are at the passing of Davy Jones. The captors were big fans (they just saw him two weeks ago) and, although he will live forever on their iPods, he will be missed. Now, on to ME! I'm sure you're wondering how my big 12th birthday celebration went. Who wouldn't be? Well, let me tell you. My captors went out of their way to do AS LITTLE AS POSSIBLE! That's right. My official birthday comes ONCE every FOUR YEARS (and I'm not getting any younger) and what did the captors do? First, they made a big deal about how I, and all of the other captives, were going to have birthday "Kitty Cake" to celebrate. I Googled birthday cake and this, my friends, is NOT birthday cake!

How dumb do they think I am! The girls did thoroughly enjoy it anyway.

Then, to add insult to injury, they give me this squeaky thing as my gift.

The problem is, I'm pretty sure this little treasure was in the bag my Aunt Hand gave me for Christmas, meaning they SWIPED my Christmas gift and RE-GIFTED IT to me for my birthday! As if I wouldn't know. Can you believe that crap? I am simply beside myself. To put this nightmare into perspective, here is me after my last party (2008)

And here I am today...

What a difference a few years make. Poor me, right? Poor freakin' me!
Po