My Million Dollar Idea

Hello people. Yes, the sun does rise in my eyes. Let's move on! I, Consequella Coonatailia Beeochalotta, have come up with an idea that will change the world, for the better, and make life so much easier. I call it  the   "Goober Death Ray". A laser capable of immediately removing goobers, morons and idiots from this earthly plain! I know, right! If someone would please build this for me, I promise to keep it set on stun until someone actually stuns me with their stupidity. Case in point, the guy in Spafford who built a bomb to take out a beaver dam on his property but blew off his hand instead? (Am I the only one who pictured a gofer on a golf course dancing to Kenny Loggins' 'I'm Alright' when they heard that story?) Shockingly, police responding to that call found pot growing at his house. ZAP! A 24 year old Fulton man, in custody on a misdemeanor assault charge smashed a window with his head in the interview room (that's a felony). ZAP! A Massachusetts woman was arrested after she was seen purchasing $64 dollars worth of soda, with an electronic welfare benefits card (which she stole) and then feeding the soda cans into the can return machine (without emptying them) to get the cash. Sticky situation. ZAP! By the way, if her scheme had succeeded, she would have netted $10.18! She could have sold the 12 packs for a dollar a piece and made $18 but then she may not have gotten zapped (just arrested). Let's not forget the Wisconsin man who legally changed his name to Bezow Doo-Doo Zopittybop-Bop-Bop.  All I need to figure out now is where to "zap" them to. Obviously Washington is overrun. Albany doesn't have too many vacancies either. I'm thinking of one of those flat states in the middle that no one really cares about. Or maybe Denmark! I read a study that said Denmark was the happiest place in the world. I wonder how long they'd hold that title if we zapped a few million goobers their way!
Sway