Resolutions for the New Year

Hello My Dear Friends! The New Year is upon us and, as tradition dictates, we sit down and make a list of things we hope to do better in the coming year. Many believe this custom traces back to the ancient Babylonians who made promises to their Gods at the beginning of each year that they would return borrowed objects and pay their debts. Others believe it stems from the Romans who, at the beginning of each year would make promises to the God Janus, for whom the month of January was named. I believe it is an extension of people's innate need to set themselves up for failure. Regardless of why we do it, it is a tradition that I will keep. So, after sitting down with the captor and discussing all of her shortcomings, I have compiled the following list of resolutions for the coming year that I think I can live with.
1.  I will be more accepting and understanding of people. Except stupid people. I simply can not tolerate stupid people, regardless of the year.
2.  I will be less critical of the people around me. Except politicians and anyone else who makes decisions that affect my life.
3.  I will work hard to improve my "that's really interesting" face so as not to reveal to the people around me that I really don't care what they're saying.
4.  I will try to accept and understand other people's point of view. Unless they're just plain wrong. Then all bets are off.
5.  I will try to put others needs and wants ahead of my own. Unless I really need or want something. Then it's back to me first and everyone else take a number.
There! It's settled. I have laid out a path to be a better me in 2014. Now, as for YOU. I have taken the time, as resolved in pledge #5, to put your needs ahead of mine. So here is what you need to do in 2014!
1.  Stop being goobers! This world has more than it's share of dumbasses. Remove yourself from the ranks and exercise a little common sense.
2.  Learn to drive people! I'm not kidding. Put down your damn cellphones and start abiding by the rules of the road. They put all of those pretty signs up for a reason!
3.  Ease up on the social media sharing. Stop posting pictures of yourself and your food. If that's the best you've got, maybe you should shut off the computer and get out a little more.
4.  Lighten Up! Accept the fact that not everyone is going to think, act, behave, love or live like you. Yes, stand up and rally against the haters, but know the difference between hate and ignorance. Punishing the ignorant is what turns them into haters.
5.  Thank every member of the military or veteran that you see. Not just on the days set aside for it, every day. You don't have to know them. If you pass them at the supermarket, in the mall or at the airport, just walk up and say "thank you for your service". It's the right thing to do. Remember, if it weren't for them, you wouldn't be reading this right now.
Have a happy, healthy and safe new year.
Po

Ho Ho Holy Cow!

Hello My Dear Friends! Christmastime, while it is wonderful, is exhausting! Parties, guests, family, travel, I don't know about you but I'm spent. Wouldn't it be great, if for the 6th year in a row, you could gather up your whole family and jet off to Hawaii for 17 glorious days! If you were President of the United States that's exactly what you'd be doing. Don't feel bad though. This year you can be a part of the Presidential Vacation! Yup. Just go to www.whitehouse.gov and you can follow the President's vacation on line. It's really wonderful! The website actually says "crank up your heaters, play some Hawaiian music and enjoy on line the 2013 Obama Hawaii Vacation". How luck we all are. Except for all of those people in the Northeast who don't actually have any heat, or power, to crank up. It's a terrific website that actually works; unlike Healthcare.gov. They got this one right. If you want a more interactive experience you can log on to "Armchair Hawaii" where, according to the website you can "learn more about the 2013 Obama Hawaii Vacation" and "read about President Obama's favorite restaurants in Hawaii. What fun! I'm sure the 47,727,000 Americans relying on food stamps this Christmas will be especially interested in that! The White House says they set up the website to "prove once and for all that this is the most open and participatory administration is history". LOL. You really can't make this stuff up. Mr. President, when the American people said they wanted "transparency" they meant in Government, not on vacation. I think you may have missed the mark here. It brings to mind your last attempt at "transparency" when, after banning the public for visiting "the people's house", you put up those lovely "strategically place live White House webcams" so we can see you hard at work. One of the cams, by the way, shows a still shot of the President exiting the Presidential Rest Room. Wow. You really are one of us. One final thought on the Vacation Extravaganza. The website share this interesting bit of inside information:
"Due to an unfortunate "chewing incident" last year involving First Dog Bo and the addition of a second family dog Sunny, the search for a suitable vacation rental home has become quite challenging. To combat this problem, President Obama issued an Executive Order in November declaring that any pet-related damage would be covered by the "full faith and credit guaranty" of the United States Government."
So we're not only paying for the vacation, were covering the cost of any damages his dogs cause! Now that is transparency! I would have never imagined that! Thanks for keeping us in the loop!
Po

Thoughts Over Catnip

Hello My Dear Friends! We've made it through another week and I, for one, am more than ready for the weekend. A 16 year old Texas boy, driving drunk, struck and killed 4 people and severely injured another. His attorney argued, and a "psychologist" agreed, that the teen was suffering from "Affluenza" and therefore not responsible for what happened. "Affluenza", according to attorney Scott Brown, prevented 16-year old Ethan Couch from "linking bad behavior with consequences because his parents taught him that wealth buys privilege". The defense cited an episode when Ethan was 15 to prove their point. At age 15 Ethan was caught in a parked pickup truck with a naked, passed out 14 year old girl. He was never punished. They also pointed out that Ethan was allowed to drink at a very young age and began driving when he was 13. Oh, well, okay. I get it now. Poor little rich kid. Apparently not wanting to prove his parents wrong, the Judge agreed with the "Affluenza Defense" and sentenced Ethan to probation. Yup! You can't make this stuff up. Young Mr. Couch didn't get off scot-free. The Judge ruled that Ethan needed long term treatment so  his father agreed to shell out $500,000 so he could go to a swanky rehab center in California. Couch's attorney says rehab will teach him that there are consequences to his actions. Case Closed! Justice served!  I can't wait for the "Poorffluenza" defense. I'll bet the outcome for that will be quite different. Enjoy the weekend!
Po

Did You Hear The One About...

Hello My Dear Friends! You'll have to excuse me for rolling on the floor but I just can't help myself! Did you hear the one about the delusional lunatic who stood right beside some of the most important and powerful dignitaries in the world and pretended to sign what they were saying? OMG! I'm sorry. I'm rolling again! Thamsanqa Jantjie stood beside President Obama and other world leaders on stage as they eulogized Nelson Mandela moving his hands as if to sign for the deaf. Turns out he was just flailing about, signing gibberish. LOL! That certainly gives "secret service" new meaning. It gets better. He wasn't actually "faking" sign language. Mr. Jantjie told a South African newspaper that he was in the midst of a schizophrenic episode at the time, hallucinating and hearing voices. Unfortunately, they weren't the same voices everyone else was hearing. They were ANGELS! I know, right. He also confessed that, in the past, he had been violent and was hospitalized in a mental health facility for over a year. That's some screening process they have there in Johannesburg! Everyone is passing the buck as to whom actually hired Mr. Jantjie. He was paid about $85 for the event. An investigation is underway. I'm sure Al Qaeda leaders are thrilled to hear that the United States trusts host nations with screening the President's security abroad. Perhaps Julia Pierson, Director of the United States Secret Service, should take a refresher course on her job duties. Allow me to offer a suggestion. Ms. Pierson, in the future, you may want to prevent violent schizophrenics from getting this close to the President of the United States.

That is assuming you'll still be holding that position in the future!
Po

You're Kidding, Right?

Hello My Dear Friends! It has been a long time. I apologize for my lengthy absence but I needed a little mental health time. Why? Because you people are making me nuts! Let's start with the Black Friday Brawls. I heard someone ask why most of these melees happen at Walmart. Seriously? Why do most earthquakes happen on fault lines? Secretary of Health and Human Services Kathleen Sebelius says Healthcare.Gov "is now working smoothly for the vast majority of users", as long as you don't try to log on during "peak hours" of operation. "Vast majority" is an interesting term since the site can only handle 50,000 users at a time (according to Sebelius) and there are millions of people still waiting to sign up. Who could have seen any of this coming? Oh, that's right, Me. Check out my September 30th blog if you don't believe me. Anyway, I digress. Sebelius says "dramatic improvements" have been made to the site. That's great news Ms. Sebelius! You've gone from zero to ten percent in only 4 years. Only 90% more to go! I hope you're just as successful in your next endeavor. Amazon is testing unmanned delivery drones that can deliver a package is less than 30 minutes. What could possibly go wrong with that? I can't think of one thing. I can think of a hundred things. What could Amazon possibly have that you need in 30 minutes or less? Can we ease off the throttle a little people?  Finally, I may have said this before but...The Buffalo Bills make me sad.
Po

Nuclear No No

Hello My Dear Friends. Something amazing, and frightening, has happened in the US Senate today. The democratic majority has invoked the so-called "nuclear option" for executive branch and (non Supreme Court) judicial nominees, which changes the rules on the filibuster. Since the late 1700's, when Thomas Jefferson was President, it took a "super majority" in the senate, or 60 votes, to end a filibuster. Now, it will take a simple majority, or 51 votes. Why is this important? Because it eliminates the minority party's ability to block any Presidential nominations. That means, for instance, the President could now nominate, let's say, Ayo Kimathi as Head of DHS. Who? Mr. Kimathi is a DHS employee who's main job is to purchase weapons and ammunition for US Customs and Immigration Enforcement. He is (or was) also the author of a website called "War is on the Horizon". It has since been taken down but, before it was, it called for a "Great Race War" and the "Killing of White Americans". Remember that name. You'll be hearing it again. The point here is, in my humble opinion, it's a slippery slope. Today, the ability to filibuster executive branch and judicial nominees has been all but eliminated. How long will it be before that extends to Supreme Court nominees or questionable legislation? When you diminish the powers our Founding Fathers put in place; when you weaken the system of checks and balances; you put democracy itself in jeopardy. This is simply another power grab by the current majority. The trouble with that is, the current majority won't always be in charge. What happens when the other side holds the majority? Do you think the people who voted "yes" today will still think is a great idea when they're on the short end of the vote? Neither do I. Think there was gridlock before? Just wait. What a mess. What an incredible, unmitigated mess.
Po

Please, Just Stop!

Hello My Dear Friends! Today, Oxford Dictionary picked the "Word of the Year" for 2013. It's "selfie". That would be the obnoxious act of taking a picture of yourself and posting it on social media. Remember, back in the day, when you wouldn't even think about taking a picture of yourself? You could have. We all had cameras and arms. You just didn't do it because, like common sense, we used to have modesty. I long for those days. Anyway, like it or not, the "selfie" has now been immortalized. In our prison there is a "one in; one out" rule. Basically, to avoid qualifying for an episode of Hoarders, it means if something new comes in, something old has to go out. Since Oxford has seen fit to add new words to our world, I have compiled the following list of words and phrases that I would like to expunge from my world. Please refrain from uttering any of the following while you are in my presence.
-> "According to Facebook..."
-> "The President didn't know..."
-> "KimYe"
-> ""Political Cronyism"
-> "Hump Daaaay"
I would also appreciate it if we could all make a concerted effort to ease up on the selfies. If you're doing something extraordinary, I'm sure someone else will have the camera rolling. Thank you.
Po

Thoughts Over Catnip

Hello My Dear Friends! We've made it through another week so, as I tend to do, I'm celebrating that fact with a little catnip. Yesterday the President held a press conference to say that the roll out of "Obamacare" did not go as expected and that he was ultimately to blame. Well, welcome to the Land of Duh! The President went on to say that the millions of people who were unable to keep their current insurance policy, as promised, shouldn't worry because he was calling on the insurance companies for a do-over. Brilliant. At this point, why not just promise everyone a pony! LOL! Did you hear about the Glens Falls mom who hired strippers for her 16 year old son's birthday party? She was eventually charged with child endangerment. She cut a deal and will serve 50 hours of community service. While I agree that what she did was stupid, was it really a crime? I don't think the boys were ever "in danger", do you? Anyway, if we're going to start making bad parenting a crime we're going to have to build more jails. The upside to this story is that her son is now the coolest kid in school.  Actor Tom Cruise recently compared training for a movie roll to serving in Afghanistan. Really Tom? You know that what you do is make-believe, right? I'd laugh if it weren't so offensive. Cruise also said that he trains harder than Olympic Athletes! Tom Cruise: "A sprinter for the Olympics, they only have to run two races a day. When I'm shooting, I could potentially have to run 30, 40 races a day, every day". I can only assume that when he refers to "shooting" he's talking about heroin, otherwise he's completely delusional. Finally, Paula Deen is opening a grocery store, in Clarence, NY! Coincidentally, the population of Clarence is 98.6% white. I'm sure she'll fit right in!
Po

Now That's a Great Idea!

Hello My Dear Friends. First, let me begin by saying a very sincere "Thank You" to all of our American Veterans and their families for their sacrifice and service to this Nation. Happy Veterans Day! Now, with all of the talk and media coverage surrounding the nightmare that is Obamacare, it's easy to see how this little tidbit of news got lost in the shuffle. I assume you're familiar with the "Healthy, Hunger-Free Kids Act" that the President signed into law in 2010. A big part of that is the First Lady's "Let's Move" anti-obesity initiative. What you may not be aware of is the awesome way the Obama's have decided to battle obesity. They've funded the "Let's Move" program with money they took from the Food Stamp (now called SNAP) program! The President quietly diverted $4.5 billion from the SNAP program to the Healthy Hunger-Free Kids Act.  So, beginning this month, the poorest families of four in this Country, will receive $632 in food stamps; down from $668 a month. What better way to cut down on obesity than to take away people's food? It's brilliant, really. They should rename the First Lady's pet project to "Let's Move...to the soup kitchen"! I realize that $36 a month doesn't sound like much to the average family, when that's all you've got, it is. Also, let us not forget that the SNAP program has seen a 70% increase since 2008. Yes, 70%! To be fair, some of the $4.5 billion went toward improvements to the school lunch program. That would be the healthy, bean sprout and tofu laden lunches that kids around the country refuse to eat. Again, working toward the elimination of obesity. The irony here is that one of the core goals of "Let's Move" is "to ensure that every family has access to healthy, affordable food" and you're taking away their food stamps to pay for it. Hysterical! Brace yourself. Tomorrow we're going to improve your quality of life by raising your rent!
Po

Thoughts Over Catnip

Hello My Dear Friends! Well, we've made it through another week. As I look out the window right now, the sun is shining and it's snowing. Must be November in Central New York. CBS correspondent Lara Logan apologized this morning for the much disputed "60 Minutes" report on Benghazi that aired on October 27th. Logan, referring to their "source" for the story, said "...what we know now is that he told the F.B.I. a different story to what he told us. And, you know, that was the moment for us when we realized that we no longer had confidence in our source and that we were wrong to put him on the air". You think? Perhaps in the future, Ms. Logan, you should check your sources before you put them on the air. CBS, by the way, didn't catch their "mistake", The New York Times did.  We've made it through another Election Day. The vast majority of candidates around here ran unopposed. They must be doing a really great job.... If nothing sticks to Teflon, how do they get Teflon to stick to the pan? New York State has finally legalized casino gaming. Thank goodness. Now those dozens of casinos we've had for decades can drop the camouflage and come out of the closet! With all of the talk lately of the upcoming 50th anniversary of the assassination of John F. Kennedy (11/22/63) it got me to thinking. Presidents are usually remembered by great quotations.
JFK: "Ask not what your country can do for you, ask what you can do for your country".
FDR: "We have nothing to fear but fear itself".
Ronald Reagan: "Mr. Gorbachev, tear down this wall".
Barak Obama: "We will get this website fixed"
Some moments are greater than others.
Po

Ho Ho Ho We Go Again

Hello My Dear Friends! The captors left this bag out last night. I went through it but didn't find anything I could use. I suspect there's little left in there that they can use either, now. Oh well. Anyway, it is that time of year again. The "Holiday" battles are already underway. It started for us the other day. The captor, during a traffic report, said the the City would be moving the "Holiday" tree up 81 north and to plan for delays. The response was instantaneous. Phone calls and emails decrying the fact that it was a "Christmas" tree, not a "Holiday" tree poured in. Now, anyone that knows us knows that we are staunch defenders of Christmas but this wasn't a personal declaration, it was business. It wasn't about religious beliefs, it was about potential traffic delays. One caller, who was quite irate, called the captor a "liberal heathen" and a
smart ass". The smart ass comment came after the captor asked him what Jesus called his tree. I think we all know that my captor is neither a liberal nor a heathen. We can all agree that the smart ass label was right on the money. The caller then went on to report his unhappiness to the captor's boss. In total, 6 people took the time to voice their objection to the use of the term "holiday tree". No one seemed to care about the traffic problem. The twist here is, if the captor had said Christmas tree instead of Holiday tree, the same thing would have happened, only in reverse. I know because it happens every year. You can't win. Every year, around Halloween, the Holiday battles begin. Some people complain about Christmas music on the radio beginning too soon, stores requiring employees to work on Thanksgiving, stores putting out Christmas displays before Thanksgiving, blah, blah, blah. The other side complains about non-Christians hijacking Christmas and trying to take Jesus out of their celebration. It's ironic (it really is) that someone who was upset by the use of the word "holiday" instead of "Christmas" chose to express his dismay by name calling. Not very Christian of you sir. Why can't people just live their lives without insisting that everyone else on the planet see things their way? How does someone simply saying "holiday" instead of "Christmas" impact your life in any way? Will your Christmas be less joyous because a random traffic reporter referred to a rolling evergreen as a holiday tree? Will you have nothing to be thankful for if little Johnny has to put in 8 hours on Thanksgiving? How about being thankful that little Johnny has a job! Seriously people, it's time to lighten up. Live and let live. Peace on Earth may be out of our control but Goodwill to Men, we can make that happen.
Po

Oh, Now I Get It!

Hello My Dear Friends! Today is Election Day. I hope you've exercised your right to vote. I also hope you voted "yes" on Prop 1 so the captor has more options of where she will lose all of our money! Have you ever heard something that appears to be simple, thought about it, and then said to yourself 'I just don't get it'? Sometimes you just need a little more information to pull the pieces together. For instance, Toronto Mayor Rob Ford who, after allegedly being caught on tape smoking crack cocaine, refused to step down. When I heard the story I thought to myself, 'Why wouldn't you step down? You've been caught committing a crime'. I thought about it and, as referenced above, said 'I just don't get it'. I just needed a little more information. Today, Mayor Ford clarified his position. He said "Yes, I did smoke crack cocaine, probably a year ago" but I was in a "drunken stupor" at the time. Oh, now I get it! He apologized for the controversy and reiterated that he would not step down. Why should he? It's not like he was just out, willy nilly, smoking crack. He was in a drunken stupor! Thanks for explaining that Mayor Ford. Now we get it.
Po
P.S. My blog got a little makeover. Did you notice? Pretty cool, huh?

Bow Before Me Humans!

Hello My Dear Friends! As you should know, today is National Cat Day. Yes, it's a real thing. Today is the day set aside for you, of the lesser species, to admire, appreciate and lavish love upon God's greatest gift to you, CATS! Let me first say that estimates show as many as 4 million cats per year are dumped in shelters and, of those, as many as 2 million a year are put to death. That is shameful. But, I am not here to preach. Not today, anyway. I'm here today to tell you, once again, how you humans are screwing up your lives, my life and the whole damn world. So, on this day, I offer you 5 ways to start righting the ship...
-> 1  Accept the fact that the vast majority of you don't have the sense that God gave, well, a cat. I admire your efforts to round up these people and put them all in one place. Unfortunately, when you sent them to Washington, you gave them power over you. This was and still is your greatest mistake. You must now send them back from whence they came, remove their power and, if given the chance, leave your paw print on their forehead.
-> 2  You will never be able to please everyone. There are just too damn many of you. So, stop trying. Accept the fact that no matter what you do or say, someone will inevitably be offended. I say own your beliefs. If you offend someone you care about, apologize and make it right. If you offend someone you don't know, assume they're oversensitive and probably shouldn't be listening to you in the first place.
-> 3  Learn to freakin' drive! They have 'rules of the road' for a reason people! Enough said.
-> 4  Stop over-sharing! My Friends, a little mystery is a good thing. If I know what you had for breakfast, what you're wearing today and why, and the fact that you have a rash and I'm not married to you, you've shared too much. We can all assume that you love your spouse, parents, children, grandchildren, cousins, friends, captives, neighbors, blah, blah, blah! You don't have to post it on Facebook and dare me to share it. For those of you who believe we need to know where you are at all times, we don't. So, the next time you're poised to share that picture of your dinner, just say no, people. Just say no.
-> 5   It's time to stop the hate people. It does no good, it changes nothing and it benefits no one, especially you. Haters feed off negativity so don't indulge them. When you hear a hater spouting off, simply say "you are entitled to you opinion, regardless of how misguided it is, but I prefer you don't talk like that around me". Don't debate it, don't try to sway them, just walk away. You'll be surprised at how good you'll feel. So, the next time you hear some goober saying "I hate cats", you know what to do! You're welcome.
Po

I Feel Better Already!

Hello My Dear Friends! I have to tell you, I was really worried about the launch of Obamacare and how it would affect hard working, middle class people like my captor. It turns out I've been worrying about nothing. The President said "If you like your health care plan, you can keep your health care plan". Well, unless your health plan carrier decides to drop your current plan. Then you'll have to get a different one. Oh, and your current doctor may not be registered with your new plan so you'll have to get a new doctor or switch to whichever plan your doctor is registered with. The President said "80% of Americans will be paying less for better coverage". He also said "The average American will only pay about $100 per month".  He said "Most Americans who do see an increase will qualify for Government subsidies to help pay for that coverage. Sounds great! Who can argue with that? Well, I've just finished reviewing the captor's health care options for 2014. 'Like your plan, keep your plan', Umm, No. Our current plan is no longer being offered. It's been replaced by an "HDHP", that's a "High Deductible Health Plan". There is no choice. The health plan explains that this method puts ME in control of how more of my healthcare dollars are spent. Yes, it does. That's because we're now paying $9000.00 out of pocket before our "coverage" begins! Isn't that great! That means we pay 100% of office visits, prescriptions, urgent care, etc., until our deductible is met. I feel so empowered now. Let's see now, '80% of Americans will pay less for better coverage'. I guess I'm in that sad 20% who's paying more for less coverage. 'Only about $100 a month'. Nope, double that and then some. 'If you see an increase you might qualify for a subsidy'. Nope. We sure don't. So I can shop around and find something better, right? Nope. Because my employer offers coverage, I don't qualify for any of the "benefits" on the Exchange. So, to recap, I have one option for health insurance, my premiums are double what the President said, my out of pockets costs have doubled and I have less coverage. And I was worried! Thank you Mr. President! You've saved the day. How did this Country survive so long without you?
Po

Thoughts Over Catnip

Hello My Dear Friends! We've made it through another week. I find that a little Kitty Yoga helps to relax me. I call this position Upward-Facing Cat. Anyway, I heard a radio "newscaster" today, reporting on yesterdays shooting at an Armory outside of Memphis. He said "the gunman shot two victims". Shot two victims? I wonder what they were victims of, prior to being shot. Former NFL QB Brett Favre says he won't be coming out of retirement to rejoin the Rams. Not because he's an old man but because he believes that the concussions he suffered during his career are causing memory loss for him now. Wow. That explains a lot. So when, as a NY Jet, he texted pictures of his junk to a former Playboy model he wasn't being a perverted douchebag. He simply couldn't remember that doing such things was wrong! Favre says, because of the concussions, he can't remember his daughter playing youth soccer one summer. I'm sure that's true. I seriously doubt his well publicized addictions to vicodin and alcohol have nothing to do with his memory loss.  Health and Human Services Secretary Kathleen Sebelius, the person ultimately responsible for the disastrous launch of the Obamacare website, said today that "the only people calling for me to be fired are people I don't work for". Really? You don't work for the taxpayers? Who, exactly, do you work for? That could be one of the most arrogant and hubristic things I've ever heard. Finally, my beloved Buffalo Bills are headed to New Orleans to face the 5-1 Saints. The 3-4 Bills are surprisingly only 12 point underdogs. This tells me that there is hope! I believe the 2013 Buffalo Bills are a team of Destiny. I also believe in the Great Pumpkin but that's for another day. Call me a wide-eyed optimist but I think my Bills are going to upset the Saints on Sunday. That could be the catnip talking but, Hey, you never know. Enjoy the weekend. Go Bills!
Po

While You Were Sleeping

Hello My Dear Friends! I apologize for my lengthy absence but I've been busy trying to log on to the Obamacare website. Paws crossed, maybe today will be the day! I jest. There's no chance today will be the day. Anyway, several interesting things have come to my attention while I was "investing in my healthcare future". It was 30 years ago today, that a lunatic in a bomb laden truck drove into the barracks of the 1st Battalion 8th Marines in Beirut, blowing it to bits and killing 241 American Service Members; 220 Marines, 18 Sailors and 3 Soldiers. 58 french Paratroopers were also killed. The man widely believed to be responsible for the planning and execution of that attack is Hossein Dehghen. Who? Hossein Dehghen, now a Brigadier General, is the newly appointed Defense Minister of Iran. Yup. He's the man our Government is now "negotiating with" to strengthening US-Iran ties. Charming, right? Chris Matthews, the wing nut who does Hardball on MSNBC, was doing his nightly trashing of Sen.Ted Cruz when he turned to a video of Cruz and said "we should put some music to this. Do we have any Mexican music"? They all had a great laugh and moved on. Where to begin? I don't know what surprises me more; Matthew's ignorance, his blatant racism or the fact that there were no repercussions. No one seems to care. I think the racism is pretty apparent. The ignorance comes in the fact that Cruz is not Mexican. He was actually born in Canada. His parents are Cuban. But, I guess those people are all the same, right Chris? Imagine, if you will, that Bill O'Reilly held up a picture of the President and asked if there was any African music? Do you think the outcome would have been the same? I suspect not. I realize that Matthews is the same man who proudly declared that every time he hears this President speak "I get a chill up my leg". He's also the one who, on election night said, "I'm glad that storm happened (Super Storm Sandy). Not in terms of hurting people but the storm brought in possibilities for good politics". Millions of people were still without power when he said it. Luck for them, they didn't have to hear it. I don't know why I'd expect anything better out of MSNBC.
Po

Oh, What A World!

Hello My Dear Friends. When did insanity become the norm? Did you hear about the Walmart stores in Louisiana that were overrun and cleaned out by welfare recipients who realized that a computer glitch had left their EBT cards with no limit? Yup. EBT or Electronic Benefit Transfer cards work like debit cards. They're what we replaced food stamps with, so as not to embarrass welfare recipients. Accepting public assistance is apparently embarrassing to those in need but taking advantage of the system is all well and good. So, after a glitch in the EBT system on Saturday left said cards with no limit, hundreds of people flocked to the local Walmart, some filling 8 to 10 grocery carts apiece. Most stores, when they realized the error, stopped accepting EBT cards until the problem was fixed. Not Walmart. Nope. They let people cash out hundreds and hundreds of taxpayer dollar funded transactions. Their food shelves were striped bare. When they announced that the problem had been corrected and the free for all was over, those still in the store simply walked away, leaving their overflowing carts in the aisles for Walmart to deal with. Who will end up footing the bill for this fiasco? That remains to be seen but I'm hoping it's Walmart. It's funny how the Government shutdown will affect Social Security and Veterans benefits but not the federally funded food stamps program. Anyway, a Nebraska high school principal last week cancelled the daily Pledge of Allegiance, citing the Government shutdown. Charming. School officials say they are investigating the "incident". Obamacare enrollment is in it's second week. To date, according to the UK's Daily Mail, 51,000 people have completed the application process. The Congressional Budget Office says 7 million people must buy into the system for it to remain financially stable. At the current pace the actual number of enrollees would be about 1.3 million. A little shy of the goal... One of the reasons for the low response rate could be because the website is a train wreck. That website, by the way, was created by CGI Federal, the US subsidiary of a Canadian company, who was awarded a $400 million dollar no-bid contract. Money well spent if you ask me. Now, I haven't been on the Healthcare.gov website but The Weekly Standard is reporting that a hidden message in the site's disclaimer states "You have no reasonable expectation of privacy regarding any communication or data transiting or stored on this information system."  I don't know about you, but I would think twice before I put my personal information on that site! Finally, have you been wondering where Vice President Joe Biden has been during all of this Shutdown/Debt Ceiling wrangling? Me too. Turns out he's been on vacation! Good for him. Why hang around when everything's closed!
Po

Thoughts Over Catnip

Hello My Dear Friends. Well, another Friday has finally arrived. Amidst the chaos in the world today we have made it to the weekend. I don't know about you, but that makes me really happy. Facebook has eliminated the security feature that allows you to hide your profile from people who simply type your name into the search bar. "Thank You, Facebook!", say stalkers everywhere.  A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory. Isn't depression is really just anger without enthusiasm? The roll out of Obamacare has been plagued by IT problems and system crashes. Who could have seen that coming? Oh, wait....Me. How long do you think it will take someone to hack that website? How can there be Self-Help Groups? Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavors and dish soap made with real lemons? Does any registered on ChristianMingle.com really think God is choosing their perfect match? I hope that's one of the questions on their personality profile. If quitters never win and winners never quit, who came up with "Quit while you're ahead"? Do you think it's a coincidence that stressed spelled backward is desserts? Enjoy the weekend!
Po

Stop The Insanity!

Hello My Dear Friends! I have tried to stay out of this on going political fiasco but, I have to tell you, my head is about to explode. Allow me to vent for just a moment. This alleged "Government Shutdown" has gone too far. As you know, as part of this alleged shutdown, all national monuments have been closed. You've heard the stories of Veterans turned away from the monuments erected to honor their service including, but not limited to American Veterans attempting to visit the American Cemetery and Memorial in Normandy, France. I mention this because today the White House decided to open the National Mall so illegal immigrants and their supporters could rally against our U.S. policy on immigration. Excuse me? Are you freaking kidding me? While this is going on, we learn that the families of at least four U.S Military members killed in Afghanistan over the weekend, were denied their death benefit, usually paid within 36 hours of death, because of the "shutdown". They were also told that the military would not be transporting them to Dover Air Force Base to view the return of their loved ones to U.S. soil. This is the most disgraceful thing I have EVER heard. Ever. If you want to complain about not getting benefits you didn't earn and don't deserve, our Government is open to you. If you give you life, YOUR LIFE, in service to this Nation, the Government is CLOSED. Mr. President and members of Congress, how do you sleep at night. Shame on you. Shame on you all.
Po

Thoughts Over Catnip

Hello My Dear Friends. TGFP! (Thank God For PoKitty). So, the launch of Obamacare was plagued by computer "glitches". Who could have seen that coming? Oh, that's right...  So, the government remains on "shutdown" and many furloughed employees are crying poverty. Really? During yesterday's reporting on the tragic shooting in DC, every reporter that I saw ended their report with "and these officers are not being paid today". Well, I didn't get paid yesterday either. I get paid twice per month. Do these government workers get paid every day? They're going to get their money when the "shutdown" is over. You should probably hold your bitching until you actually miss a paycheck. I realize this is a bad situation but, seriously people, take a breath. The Buffalo Bills make me sad. I never thought I'd see the day when I actually wanted to slap a camel but that day is here. I almost dread Wednesdays now. Thank you Geico. If you choke a smurf, what color does it turn? The Governor was here in Syracuse yesterday. In advance of his visit the city went into ultra clean up mode, clearing debris and chasing the Off-Ramp Entrepreneurs away from the highways for the day. Did you ever think that, if you let the Governor see what the city is actually like, he might give us more money? Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak. Why is the Department of the Interior in charge of all things outdoors? Everyone who believes in telekinesis raise my hand. Enjoy the weekend!
Po

OK, Now I'm Annoyed!

Hello My Dear Friends. I have to tell you, sometimes I find you people completely exhausting! Where to begin? Government Shutdown. 14.6 million people work for the federal government, in one form or another. 800,000 civilian workers have been furloughed. What was all over the news yesterday? The shutting down of the "panda-cam" and the closing of the National Parks and Monuments. My life will go on. The Panda-Cam has since been turned back on. How many government workers does it take to monitor a stationary camera? My point is, this is nothing more than political theater. Will some people affected? Of course. 800,000 people are temporarily out of work. That sucks. Millions of other Americans are, and have been, out of work. Nothing temporary about it. That sucks more. Yesterday the U.S. DOT tweeted out that they would not be tweeting during the government shutdown. Seriously? NASA shut down it's website. Why? Did you know that 6400 people work at the Smithsonian? Neither did I. Seems excessive. The Washington Post reported that bars around the capitol were packed. Restaurants and bars are offering discounts to furloughed workers. Obviously, if this drags on for a week or more, it will become a more serious issue. More people will be affected. More offices will close; more services disrupted. Right now, as all of the pundits lay blame for this debacle, I can't help but marvel over the juvenile behavior on all sides. What is up with all of the name calling? The President of the United States referring to members of the Tea Party as "Teabaggers". Really, Mr. President? What kind of example are you setting? You're the leader of the free world. Grow the hell up. It's not just the President, although that is the most glaring. Republicans and Democrats alike are hurling terms like "Economic Terrorists" or "lemmings" or "Sociopaths". These are all terms that elected officials have used to describe their opposition over the last few days. Is it any wonder we're in the mess we're in? It's time for BOTH SIDES to cut the crap. Fund the government. Raise the debt ceiling and get on with the business of your backdoor deals, political payoffs and general debauchary. You know, business as usual.
Po

PoKitty Care

Hello My Dear Friends. Well, tomorrow is the day when the Affordable Care Act, affectionately known as Obamacare, kicks in! The fact that no one really knows what they're supposed to do or how it is going to affect them is irrelevant. Oh, there is a continuing battle in the fantasyland called Capitol Hill but, in the end, that too is irrelevant. Obamacare is the law of the land and, for the most part, it begins tomorrow. Depending on who you talk to, it's either the greatest thing ever or the end of life as we know it. I fall somewhere in the middle. I, not surprisingly, have questions. First, and I think most importantly, Why, if Obamacare is so great, did the President exempt himself, all of his political appointees and everyone in Congress from it? I've said this before and I'll say it again; Congress should NOT be allowed to pass a law and then exempt THEMSELVES from it. It's ridiculous. If it's good enough for me, it's good enough for you too Mr. President. Second, I'd like to know why, if Obamacare is ready to go, has the government delayed the employer mandate and the insurer reporting requirements until 2015? I'm sure it has nothing to do with the midterm elections. Third, if this whole system is predicated on the need for young, healthy Americans to purchase health insurance, what happens when they don't? If the media wasn't so focused on this fabricated government shut down (which is exactly what the politicians hoped they would do) maybe someone could have asked these questions prior to the implementation of this mammoth program. So my dear friends I will look into my crystal ball and tell you what happens next.
First, the websites that provide what little information that is currently available along with the on-line marketplaces with the insurance exchanges, will crash tomorrow. That will take days or weeks to repair. Once they work that out, mass confusion will reign. People will realize that they've been misled on what will be available to them or how much it will really cost them. Next, in about a year or so down the line, the government will realize that all of these young, healthy Americans who they counted on to fund the system, won't be there. The system will be on the edge of implosion when the government will step in to save it, creating the single payer system (socialized medicine) that they've wanted from the beginning. Don't believe me? That's all right. Time will tell. Let me leave you with one final question. If the Affordable Care Act was created to provide affordable health insurance to "millions of Americans who desperately need it", why then did they need to include a law that requires everyone to buy it? If it is all that they say it is, wouldn't people flock to it on their own? Forcing someone to purchase something is not providing a service or filling a need, is it?
Po

Thoughts Over Catnip

Hello My Dear Friends. I do love a good nip buzz on Friday! Did you know that the U.S. Veterans Administration handed out over $1.5 million in bonuses while paying out a record BILLION dollars in medical malpractice settlements? Our tax dollars in action! One of those bonuses, by the way went to Michael Moreland, who oversaw the VA hospital where at least 5 Veterans died from a preventable Legionnaires Disease outbreak. Moreland received the Presidential distinguished Rank Award and a $63,000 bonus AFTER the deaths were determined to have been preventable. I wonder how many Veterans you have to kill to get a $100,000 bonus! Why is abbreviation such a long word? Do you think that if they lined up all of the cars in the world end to end, some goober in a BMW would try to pass them? I do. The latest survey shows that 3 out of 4 people make up 75% of the population. If "pro" is the opposite of "con", would "progress" be the opposite of "congress"? When you're driving and looking for an address, do you ever turn down the radio? You know you do. Is there another word for synonym? Why is it that, if a sing says "George Washington slept here" you believe it but, if a sign says "wet paint" you have to touch it? Enjoy the weekend my friends!
Po

Oh, The Things People Say!

Hello My Dear Friends! I realize that we all, at one time or another, say something that we wish we hadn't. Some people, however, say things that just leave me shaking my head. Take, for instance, congressman Phil Gingrey, a republican from Georgia. While addressing his colleagues on a bill that would exempt Congress and their employees from the pending Obamacare nightmare, Rep. Gingrey said, "[Congressional staffers] may be 33 years old now and not making a lot of money,” (according to an account published by National Review) “But in a few years they can just go to K Street and make 500,000 a year. Meanwhile I’m stuck here making $172,000 a year.” Let's just reflect on that statement for a moment.  Stuck here making $172,000 a year. Hmmm. People of Georgia, perhaps you can "unstick" him in November. I'm not even going to get into the fact that Congress is exempting themselves from another law that they've forced on us! Next we have the case of 24-year old Mikayla Hull, of Michigan. After assaulting and stealing the purse of a 75-year old woman, Hull was tackled and pinned down by witnesses until police arrived. Hull defended her actions by saying, "Dude, she's rich. She was eating in a restaurant".  Well thought out defense, don't you think?Finally, we have Saudi Cleric Muhammad Ali Shanqiti. Addressing his flock on the bevy of "black-eyed virgins" that wait them in paradise as a servant of Allah, (4900 according to Shanqiti) the Cleric told them "each is more beautiful than the last. God help you..." Yup! Interesting turn of phrase, don't you think? Some people really should think before they speak.
Po

I Know What I Know

Hello My Dear Friends. I'm often asked "Your Highness, why do kids today seem so misinformed about our history"? I tell these people, it's simple. Just like the workings of a computer, 'Garbage in; Garbage out'. Take, for instance, a text book out of Denton, Texas. The book, "US History: Preparing for the Advanced Placement Exam". In the Section titled "The First Ten Amendments" it summarizes the second Amendment as follows: "The people have the right to keep and bear arms in a state militia". Ummm. I don't think so. As I'm sure you know, the Second Amendment reads: "A well regulated militia, being necessary to the security of a free State. The right of the people to keep and bear arms shall not be infringed'. Now, since we know that a "state militia" is a case where citizens are called upon in an emergency to protect the State, it's safe to say that those two statements do not say the same thing. Since the book in question is a "study guide" for the Advanced Placement Exam, one would assume either the exam is also incorrect or the students of Denton are going to get that one wrong. This is not an isolated case. A Michigan "History" book has 30 pages on Pilgrims and the first Thanksgiving. It makes no reference to religion. As a matter of fact, it describes "Pilgrims" as "People who take long trips". LOL, right? I guess they took that long trip from England because they didn't like the food. A Minnesota Community College history teacher (John Chalberg) gave a pre-test to 160 introductory students. Only 2, that's right two, knew that Lyndon Johnson was the architect of the Great Society. Four  students actually thought it was Abraham Lincoln. Only 60 identified Germany as America's primary foe during World War I. Don't blame teachers. They're only allowed to teach the curriculum they're given. Also, many younger teachers were educated under this same, flawed system. In a Maryland high school, their history lesson on World War II focuses on Japanese-American internment camps, the entry of women into the workforce and discrimination against African Americans. One grad, highlighted in a recent Washington Post article, received a "B" in the course but couldn't say what year the War ended, who the President was, nor could she name one battle or one General. That's the future folks. Edmund Burke said it best, "Those who don't know history are destined to repeat it".
Po

Anonymity Breeds Stupidity

Hello My Dear Friends. I'm always amazed, but not surprised, at how ignorant people can be, especially under the cloak of anonymity. The new Miss America was crowned last night. She's a beautiful 24-year old woman from the Syracuse area. She's also of Indian decent. No sooner was she crowned, when the Twittersphere lit up with the most ridiculous and ignorant comments. People tweeted things like "Congratulations Al-Qaeda. Our Miss America is one of you" and "September 11th was 4 days ago and she gets Miss America". Seriously? Most of those comments were taken down when media outlets starting publishing them. That's because the "authors" were being outed. These cyber hate mongers get their muscle from anonymity. Once the curtain is removed, they crawl back into holes and hide. They don't have the courage, or the brains, to spew their hate openly. What bothers me the most is not the racism, it's the ignorance of basic common knowledge. Miss America is of Indian decent. That's India. For the benefit of those who want to equate a Syracuse area native with Al-Qaeda or September 11th, India is NOT in the Middle East. It's in South Asia. Pick up a freaking map once in a while. It's bad enough to "voice" your blind hate but when you aren't even smart enough to know who you are hating or why, it really gets annoying. The vast majority of Indians, about 80%, identify as Hindu not Muslim. You don't really hear a lot about Hindu extremists, do you? So, since I am a firm believer in free speech, let me say this. If you want to sit in your parents basement an toss out anonymous hate, that's your right. But, for the sake of the rest of us, could you spend a little more time at the library and a little less time at Comic-Con before you do? Thanks.
Po

Thoughts Over Catnip

Hello My Dear Friends. TGIF! I'm not spoiled, I'm pampered. There's a difference. Anyway, if man really evolved from apes, why are there still apes? The captor had an odd experience yesterday. As she tells it, she was napping on the couch when she was awakened by a women's voice that said "come on Kathy, it's time to go". That's the abridged version. The captor says, upon reflection, she feared it was the voice of God and she was dying. LOL! I reassured her that, if she was dying, it probably wouldn't be God coming to get her. That begs the question, is Satan a woman? Did you ever wonder why, if that black box they put in airplanes can survive any crash, they don't make the whole plane out of that stuff? Dyslexics of the world untie! (wait for it....there it is!) Miley Cyrus and Kanye West have teamed up on a remix of Kanye's "hit" 'Black Skinhead'. Yup. That's what the world was missing. My bucket list is complete. My friend Fig Thannhauser has the funkiest feet ever! Check it out:

He has 27 toes! 27! I'm told the record is 28 toes so, if you don't have the record, you're really just a freak. Do people in Australia call the rest of the world "up over"? Tomorrow's Powerball Jackpot is $317 million bucks! If I won the lottery, I wouldn't be one of those people who quit my job immediately. I'd make my boss's life a living hell for about a month first. Enjoy the weekend!
Po

I Do What I Can

Hello My dear Friends. Many of you have contacted me saying "Your Majesty, you've been very quiet on the Syria issue. What's going on? What are we to think?" (or something like that). Anyway as I have acknowledged in the past, I realize how difficult it is for you to navigate this troubled world without my guidance. However, my team of social media consultants has advised me that my rather conservative view of the world, although 100% correct, turns off and, at times, offends some of my minions readers. Apparently not everyone is open to enlightenment. Therefore, I am trying to curb the political commentary. With that said, I do have a few random thoughts I'd like to share with you....
->Are you familiar with the tale of the Boy who Cried Wolf? Seems more and more relevant every day, doesn't it? In the end, the wolf eats the boy. I fear we will all soon be covered with ketchup.
->A headline on the NBC News website reads "American jihadi rapper reportedly killed in Somalia". I think I'm okay with that. Seriously. He was a dude from Alabama, who joined an al Qaeda linked Somali militant group and spent his days posting videos of himself, rapping about jihad, on YouTube. Is it any wonder that someone killed him? It was probably a relative.
->A 10 year old Tennessee student was asked to write an essay about her "idol". She wrote her essay about God. She was informed that God was not an "acceptable subject" for the assignment. She wrote about Michael Jackson instead. That was accepted without question. Lovely.
->Did you know that the U.S. Government owns one-third of all U.S. land, including 80% of Nevada and Alaska and half of Idaho. With that said, the Government now wants to spend another $2.3 Billion to purchase even more land. It isn't clear why but, what the heck, it's not like there's a deficit or anything.
Po

Never Forget?

Hello My Dear Friends. On this September 11th, as in years past, we reflect on the tragedy that befell this Country in 2001. You don't need me to tell you anything about that day. It was our generation's "moment". Like the assassination of President Kennedy or the bombing of Pearl Harbor, we know exactly where we were and what we were doing when it happened. We can close our eyes and see the images of that day as if it were yesterday. It will always be that way for us. We will Never Forget because we can't forget. Tragedy scars the soul and, like a tattoo, it will always be there. This day, of course, is far worse for those who lost their loved ones. 2977 people were killed that day, 2753 of them in New York. Over 1700 families who lost loved ones never received their remains. Hundreds more have died from diseases contracted during the clean up. Thousands of U.S. Military men and woman have died in the battles that have ensued since 2001. Never Forget? I don't believe I will.
Po

Oh the Humanity!

Hello My Dear Friends. Today I must share with you the horrific news that Mayor Stubbs, the Mayor of Talkeetna, Alaska was brutally attacked and mauled BY A DOG! That's right! The 16 year incumbent Mayor barely survived, suffering a punctured lung, fractured sternum and a five inch gash to his side! I am beyond appalled. This, by the way, is Mayor Stubbs...

...and he is the duly elected Mayor of Talkeetna, an Historical District of about 800 humans, located about 110 miles north of Anchorage. He is currently heavily sedated and fighting for his life. The suspect, described only as "a large dog" is still at large. If you have any information on this brutal attack...
Anyway, it is not really unusual to have an animal as Mayor. The Mayor of Syracuse, for instance, is an ass. The Mayor of San Diego was a dog (metaphorically of course) and many Mayors have been known to be rats! So, my dear friends, how do you know if your Mayor is actually a cat? (You knew this was coming)
5.  His recent campaign appearances were viewed over a million times on YouTube.
4.  Town holds an annual "Whiska Lickin" Festival
3.  Runs on a promise to eliminate mice
2.  Presents visiting dignitaries with the squeaky toy to the city
and, the #1 way to know if your Mayor is actually a cat...
1.  The budget is balanced and taxes go down!
Po

Oh Miley, My, My, MY!

Hello My Dear Friends. I guessing that you've heard by now that former Disney star Miley Cyrus put on quite a show at the Video Music Awards the other night. I would have described her as "pop star" Miley Cyrus but she really isn't a star. She's a celebrity. To be a star, one would have to at least ONE number 1 hit. She does not. But, I digress. People are up in arms over her performance on the MTV VMA show. Why? I'm not really sure. Yes, it was a ridiculous, sexually explicit bit of tripe. So what? It's not like she was on Nickelodeon. Parents who complained said their children expected to see "Hannah Montana". Seriously? She hasn't played that character in years. And, dear parents, if you're so concerned about what your kids view, why were they watching MTV at 9:00 PM on a Sunday night? Shame on you. Did I see the live performance? Of course not! Why on earth would I be watching the MTV Video Music Awards? Do they even make music videos anymore? Allow me to offer a little reality check. The purpose of Miley's performance was, number one, to destroy her Disney image. Mission accomplished. The second goal was to promote her new album. Well, "Bangerz" won't even be released until October, but pre-sales on iTunes after the show lifted it to #5 on the pop charts. I'd call that a win. Goal number 3 was to create a buzz about her transformation. LOL, check. So, in the big scheme of things, it was probably the greatest performance of her life. Following in the footsteps of former Disney stars like Brittany Spears and Christina Aguilera, slutty works. The only question now is does she have the musical chops to pull off her new adult image. I doubt it. She really can't sing, but that's for another blog. Another thing that bothers me about this whole"controversy" is that picture of the Smith family all aghast. It went viral even though it was taken while they were watching Lady Gaga, not Miley Cyrus. Leave it to the media not to let the facts get in the way of a good story. So people, let me leave you with this one final thought. There are a lot more important things going on in this world to get enraged over. Next time try turning the channel.
Po

What a real Hero Looks Like

Hello My Dear Friends. If I may be serious for a moment, today the President of the United States awarded this nation's highest military decoration, The Medal of Honor, to Army Staff Sergeant Ty M. Carter. Spc. Carter was involved in the 2009 Battle of Outpost Keating, one of the most intense battle of the Afghan War, where 53 American Troops were surrounded by 300 insurgents. 8 brave Americans died in that battle, 22 others, including Carter, were wounded. The outcome would have been even worse if not for the heroism displayed by Spc. Carter and Spc. Clinton Romesha (who also received the Metal of Honor). Here's a link with details about what happened.
American Heroes
There's more to this story. In addition to his heroism on the battlefield, Spc. Carter, after returning home, went public with his battle with PTSD. Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome is all too real. The Military says about 20% of our military returns from battle with PTSD. I believe that number is much higher. Many families know, my own included, that the loved one who returns from battle is not always the one who left and, in many cases, that's because of PTSD. Nightmares, debilitating anxiety, substance abuse and, in some cases even suicide are the byproducts of PTSD. We don't do enough for our Veterans. That is a fact. By Spc. Carter making public his battle with PTSD perhaps more Veterans will seek help. There is help available. If you know someone who is trying to battle PTSD alone, urge them to get help. The VA offers nearly 200 programs to deal with it. There is no shame in asking for help. Okay. So, to my initial point, athletes, actors, philanthropists are not heroes. They may do exceptional things, but those are not heroic things. What does a real hero look like?

Army Staff Sergeant Ty M. Carter, a true American Hero.
Po

Mandatory Gratuity and Other Oxymorons

Hello My Dear Friends. Once again I sit here utterly confused by what you people do. There is now a growing trend of restaurants adding a "mandatory gratuity" to all checks, not just large parties. Applebee's has been doing that for a long time. I don't eat at Applebee's. "Gratuity" by definition is a "a gift or reward, usually of money, given for services rendered without claim or obligation". Restaurant owners argue that, because servers make a lower wage, tipping is necessary for their livelihood. I argue that tipping is a reward for good service and your worker's livelihood is your responsibility, not mine. I realize that the job of server is a difficult one. Customers can be difficult and many don't tip. I am not one of those people. When I get good service, not great or over the top, simply competent service, I leave a 20% tip. I think that's fair. I've been known to leave as much as a 25% tip for outstanding service. I've also left no tip in response to service that raises my blood pressure. That is my choice. If a server is rude or incompetent, that's their business. If I choose not to reward rude behavior, that's my business. What would motivate a server to go that extra mile if they know they will be rewarded either way? By the way, the courts have generally ruled that "mandatory gratuities" can not be enforced, so you don't actually have to pay them but how many people know that? So, for me, I simply won't patronize any establishment that requires tipping. Okay! So, you may be thinking, what other oxymorons bug you PoKitty? Assistant Supervisor; Live Recording; Actual Reenactment; Government Accountability; Fresh Frozen; and, my favorite, Adult Male. Enjoy what's left of the weekend!
Po

Hello Mr. President!

Hello My Dear Friends. You've probably heard by now that the POTUS is coming to town! I, for one, am honored that, with all that's going on in the world, the President could take time out of his extensive vacation schedule to visit Upstate New York! The Governor will greet the President at the airport in Buffalo but, after that, he apparently has better things to do. Something about getting his daughters ready for college or some other nonsense. Mr. Cuomo is actually skipping Thursday's opening of the Great New York State Fair in Syracuse. The Governor says he wants to avoid a "fracking uproar" with the President in town. Apparently "fracking uproar" is code for 'Dude, you're really unpopular and I still have elections to win'. Hydrofracking opponents and proponents are expected to greet the Presidential Bus Tour with or without the Governor's presence so that excuse seems a little thin. Robert Duffy will open the Fair in the Governor's absence. He's the Lieutenant Governor. Don't feel bad, most people have no idea who Robert Duffy is. Anyway, it's a great honor for a city to host a sitting President. We can figure out how two cash poor cities like Syracuse and Buffalo will pay the estimated $50,000 apiece the visit is going to cost local taxpayers at a later date. The good news is they're picking up the trash along the highway and they've (temporarily) chased away the "Off Ramp Entrepreneurs". We wouldn't want the President of the United States to see what our city actually looks like! Unlike Buffalo, who began handing out tickets at 5pm, Syracuse decided to release tickets at noon. Unfortunately for me, I have a job and wasn't able to stand in line all night to get a ticket to hear the President speak. Fortunately for the President, fewer and fewer people have that problem so there will be a full house in Syracuse. I'm sure we'll learn all we need to know from the stellar news coverage we've come to enjoy here in Syracuse. Just last night, during the lead story on the 11 o'clock news, the reported interviewed a women who was first in line for a ticket. She proudly told the audience that she had "worked for the Obama election campaign in 2008, the re-election campaign in 2012 and was ready to volunteer again in 2016 if the President decided to run again"! The reporter did not respond. It's that kind of intellect that makes this Country what it is today. Welcome to Syracuse Mr. President!
Po

Thoughts Over Catnip

Hello My Dear Friends. It's been a tough week here at the prison but it's Friday, so it is time for my weekly thoughts over catnip. Why do potatoes lose their vegetable status when you turn them into french fries or chips? I don't know of any other vegetable that becomes a non-vegetable through the cooking process. I think potatoes are getting screwed. Along that same line, what's the deal with cured ham? What did it have to begin with? Is non-cured ham ill? I don't get it. Did you hear about the rodeo clown who wore an Obama mask at the Missouri State Fair? He was fired and banned for life from the fair. There are calls to deny state funding for the fair in the future and the NAACP wants a federal investigation into the clown who wore the mask! LOL! The Obama Halloween mask has been the #1 seller for years. I'll bet this news has a bunch of people shaking in their boots. Who knew that wearing a mask of the President could be a federal crime? One person at the fair compared a clown wearing an Obama mask to a Klan Rally. Really? At least now we know. Wear a mask of this President and you'll never work again! An 18 year old New Hampshire girl, paralyzed from the waist down and confined to a wheelchair, has been banned from this year's Paralympics in Montreal because an IPC doctor ruled she wasn't handicapped enough. The doctor suggested that, with years of intensive therapy, she might be able to walk again so she doesn't qualify. The fact that she's been in a wheelchair since age 11 and that she competed in Paralympic Games in London in 2012 are irrelevant. She won 4 medals in those games. Interesting. The people of Egypt declared today "A Day of Rage". I'm not sure what separates today from every other day. They're generally pretty angry over there. I wonder if Hallmark has a card for that. "Today we gather, rocks in hand, a riot we will wage; So grab the kids and hand grenades and join our Day of Rage"! You're welcome Hallmark. The captor got a new "Smart Phone" but all I've seen for the last two days is her tapping on the darn thing and saying "stupid phone". Which is it? Finally, NY State Comptroller Thomas DiNapoli has announced that our state will begin producing new drivers licenses by the end of this year. He says, even though they will cost taxpayers millions of dollars more each year, they new licenses will be "harder to alter or make into fake ID". Brilliant! Let's just hope those who would seek out false identification don't think to use a license from any of the other 49 states! Only in New York! Enjoy the weekend!
Po

Sad Day at the Prison

Hello My Dear Friends. It is with great sadness and a heavy heart that I inform you that today we said goodbye to our Big, Dumb Dog. Advanced age and hip dysplasia took it's toll on our friend, our sister and fellow captive. She's in Canada now, with all of the other beloved captives who cross that rainbow bridge. So Rest In Peace Anya Fanya Poopalotta. You were the best!